


Need So Much of You

by lululawrence



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banter, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, No Smut, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Solo Artist Harry Styles, Solo Artist Louis Tomlinson, Travel, and one scene that kinda glosses over a bit... anyway, but then covid-19 happened, famous/famous, it WOULD have been canon compliant, just references to it, so this is what COULD have been in a universe without that i guess lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:13:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 46,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23579725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lululawrence/pseuds/lululawrence
Summary: “Alright, I’m just going to get right down to it,” Jess said. “We were contacted yesterday by Harry Styles’ team with some information regarding his own schedule and promotion that is going to have some bearing on Louis.”“Me specifically or all former members of the band?” Louis asked, confused.“You specifically,” Jess said, looking at Louis with a heavy gaze. “Harry’s going to start his own promo for his second album in the coming months, which is going to include a coming out.”“That’s great,” he said, nodding. “Is that it? Or is there more?”Mark shifted in his seat and Louis watched his expression change. “We’ve discussed it and we think it would be best if you came out as well and had a promotional relationship with Harry for the album drop through both of your tours next year.”Louis started laughing in surprise, but no one else joined in. Shit, they were serious.Or the would-have-been canon compliant, fake relationship, friends with benefits, friends to lovers fic where Louis wonders if this thing going on with Harry is going to break him or change everything for the better.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 76
Kudos: 833
Collections: One Direction Big Bang Round 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wheeeeee it's here! The fic I swore I would never write because fake relationship fics are super hard for me and canon compliant fics give me anxiety.. and yet. lolll at least this one turned out NOT to be canon compliant since... yeah. But I did try. That said, please be forgiving. I know I tweaked several things that did happen, then tried to keep to original schedules for tours, but ultimately I know nothing about being famous. Or a professional singer. Or PR. Or or or or or...
> 
> I really do love this fic, though. It's a fic I had been craving reading and I couldn't convince any friends to write it for me, so I decided to do it myself. I hope that some of you enjoy this ridiculously self indulgent and somewhat cliche fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. haha
> 
> MASSIVE thanks to everyone who helped keep me motivated and helped me believe that I could finish writing this even after having a baby. Huge thanks to [Maggie](https://disgruntledkittenface.tumblr.com), [Nicola](https://missytearex.tumblr.com), and [KK](https://dinosaursmate.tumblr.com) for their beta and brit pick services! This fic wouldn't be anywhere near as clean and pretty as it is without their incredible skills. Any remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone!
> 
> The biggest shout out, though, goes to my incredible artist! [Gina](https://harrygotthebee.tumblr.com) was a dream to work with and she made the amazing manip in the fic as well as the gorgeous moodboard in the fic post (linked at the end of the fic). Thank you so much for lending your incredible skills to my fic!
> 
> Alright, I think that's almost it. The title comes from Defenceless by Louis cause it's a fucking banger. This is a work of fiction and I do not claim to know or have any rights to anyone depicted in the fic in any way. I also do not allow translations, reposting, or any of that type of stuff without my express and specific permission. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy!

Louis was having a hard time sitting still as he watched the world go by the car window. He couldn’t help it. It had been a long time since he’d been this excited about something, and finally things were coming together for him.

He had a date for his next single— the first to really show off the sound of his album and the direction he really wanted to take as a solo artist— and his team had a plan. Everyone had agreed to it and the pieces were being set into motion. Louis’ album would be out in a matter of months, performances were getting lined up, promotion ready to be done. He was ready to jump fully into the insanity that a hopefully successful music career entailed.

He couldn’t fucking wait. It was finally his time.

*~~***~~*

It was Louis’ first rehearsal for a live performance in a while. He’d felt really good with the new band that was chosen for the release of  _ Two of Us, _ but things still hadn’t quite been there. Now that he had a better grasp of the sound of his entire album and he felt more solid about all of it, it was like the final pieces had finally come into place.

That didn’t mean it was easy. Louis was rusty, and he was going to need more time practising to get back up to speed than he’d like to admit. It was okay, though. All worth it.

“Sorry, lads,” Louis apologised when he once again couldn’t get his entrance. He’d tweaked some lyrics the week before on this particular song, and because of that he was having a harder time with the rhythm of it all than he’d expected. “Mind picking up at the second chorus again?”

“Uh, Louis?” Oli interrupted, holding up Louis’ phone. “You’re gonna need to take this, I think.”

Louis nodded and waved at the band. They could probably use another small break anyway, Louis included.

Grabbing his phone, Louis saw it was Jess, his PR agent. “Jess, what’s up?”

“Sorry to interrupt rehearsals, but I have something important that needs to be discussed with you and soon. When might you be able to make it in next?”

Louis sighed and pulled his phone away so he could look at the week’s schedule he’d just had emailed to him that morning. His time was pretty heavily filled with rehearsals, but if it was important enough that Jess was calling him and not Oli to ensure things were handled quickly, he imagined it needed to take priority. Maybe he could start a little later tomorrow since they had the rehearsal space for the entire day and just have it end later? The rest of the week had too many meetings to work around as it was.

“Would tomorrow morning work for everyone? I’m assuming you need management and everyone there?”

“Yes, we’ve already reached out to the lawyers and your management as well as the label informing them a last minute meeting was in the works. I’ll make sure Oli has the details by the end of the afternoon. Thanks, Louis.”

Louis ended the call and stared at his phone for a moment. What exactly was going on now? That was a large meeting with all the important players, which meant whatever Jess had to discuss was actually  _ bigger _ than Louis had originally anticipated. 

“Alright, lads, we’re going to have a bit of a schedule change tomorrow,” Louis said as he tossed his phone back to Oli and headed back to the rehearsal stage. “Hope it’s not going to put anyone out.”

*~~***~~*

“Alright, I’m just going to get right down to it,” Jess said once everyone was present. 

Louis shifted. He’d had a hard time sleeping the night before, concerned that something had come up to push things back for the album.  _ Again. _

“We were contacted yesterday by Harry Styles’ team with some information regarding his own schedule and promotion that is going to have some bearing on Louis.”

Louis scrunched his face up. Why would anything to do with Harry have any more bearing on Louis than it had before? 

“Me specifically or all former members of the band?” Louis asked, confused. Surely if it was big enough for Harry’s team to reach out to Jess then Niall and Liam and maybe even Zayn’s teams had also been contacted.

“You specifically,” Jess said, looking at Louis with a heavy gaze. “Harry’s going to start his own promo for his second album in the coming months, which is going to include a coming out.”

“That’s great,” he said, nodding. It really was. Harry had been toeing the line for a while now and Louis admired him for what he was doing. He figured when he was ready for that step himself, he’d take it, but with everything else that had happened with his personal life the past several years, he’d really rather have some privacy for once. 

None of this helped him understand what Harry coming out had to do with him though. Louis wasn’t linked to Harry any more than Niall or Liam were.

“Is that it?” Louis asked, looking around the table. “Or is there more?”

Mark cleared his throat and leaned forward, causing Louis’ gaze to shift to him. “Well, they were just giving us a warning so that we could plan accordingly with your own promo. Obviously with the prominence that the Larry rumours had back during the band and even thereafter, Harry coming out is going to throw implications your way and they wanted to make sure we weren’t blindsided.”

“Kind of them,” Louis said quietly. “But again, that doesn’t explain why all of you are here. I mean, we’ll plan how to answer questions surrounding Harry and my own sexuality. We’ll blacklist certain questions for certain interviews we want to be more music based, just like we talked about before. This isn’t anything we haven’t dealt with previously and aren’t still handling.”

“Except that isn’t all, Louis.” Mark shifted in his seat and Louis watched his expression change. He no longer had the look of a careful businessman breaking news to his client. It had hardened into something resolute, and Louis knew that what was coming next was something he wouldn’t be able to fight easily. “We’ve discussed it and already have approval from Harry’s team. We think it would be best if you came out as well and had a promotional relationship with Harry for the album drop through both of your tours next year.”

Louis started laughing in surprise, but no one else joined in. Shit, they were serious.

“Okaaaaay,” Louis said, drawing it out in order to give himself more time to pull a response together. “I’m sorry, but you discussed my own coming out amongst yourselves and even  _ Harry’s team _ without ever bringing up the possibility of it happening to me? What happened to me having more control and privacy in all of this?”

“This isn’t a real relationship, Louis,” Jess said, taking over from Mark again. “You can still have as much privacy as you desire with your real life like we already discussed. And we don’t even have to field that many questions regarding your coming out. We can keep that as quiet and seamless as you’d like, just a statement here or there confirming it and then leaving it at that. But we do feel that you and Harry dating each other through your respective coming outs as well as your subsequent album releases, tour announcements, and even the tours themselves will be incredibly beneficial for both of you.”

“And that’s really great,” Louis said, a steely tone entering his voice. “Really, it  _ truly _ is, but this is my fucking  _ life _ we are talking about here. A very important part of me. I do want to come out, but not like this. Not now. This is something I should be doing for me when I’m ready and both Harry and I deserve the right to come out on our own, not because we are supposedly in a relationship with each other!”

“There are plenty of people who come out due to relationships they want to be open about, Louis. It will seem organic—”

“But it’s not!” Louis interrupted with a yell, slamming his hand on the table. He rarely lost his temper in a meeting, but this was beyond his limits. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. “It’s not organic and  _ organic _ is exactly what I’ve been telling you I want. Is it not?”

Mark and Jess both looked back at him with unrelenting gazes. He knew they weren’t going to break easily, but this was Louis’ life and an incredibly personal part of himself. He’d already been splayed bare for the public due to circumstances he had no control over through the past few years. The least he could do— the least his  _ team _ could do— was protect himself the best he was able in the areas he did have control over.

“Louis,” John or Jack or some other representative from the label that Louis wasn’t entirely familiar with said, finally bringing his attention over to him. “This is a big deal and something we are springing on you, I know, but you have expressed a lot of interest in coming out in the past. We are all willing to work with you on that and have told you we are ready whenever you are.”

“Yeah, and I’m not ready yet,” Louis said, feeling the initial burst of anger seep out of him slowly, leaving him exhausted despite the fact it was only half ten.

“We understand that, but we really do think this would be something we could really embrace for you and work easily into everything for this promo period.” James/Jamal/Jordan gave Louis a small smile. “We really do think this would be the best for you as well as everyone else involved, including Harry. It could help ease his way as well as yours for coming out while still giving you the most amount of control when it comes to talking points and being able to deflect to your music.”

“Think about the lyrics you’re going to be promoting shortly, Louis,” Jess said. “How easily they could be tweaked to reference things specific to yours and Harry’s shared experiences. In a lot of cases, lyrics wouldn’t even need to be tweaked. The references are already there since it’s so heavily influenced by your life and Harry was a part of that.”

Jess paused. Maybe she was waiting for Louis to say something, but he was too busy taking in everything they were telling him. His brain was whirring and his heart was racing right along with it as he tried to keep up with it all. He didn’t have anything to come back with at the moment.

Taking a breath, Jess continued. “This would still allow you to make your promotion mostly about you. About your music. Harry would just be a talking point on occasion before moving back to the music. It wouldn’t have to change much about the promo itself, it would mostly revolve around social media and the time we get the two of you together. We’d make it as seamless as possible and allow you as much control as we are able. And you have to admit, it will be far more authentic than your previous promotional strategies and relationships simply because you already have a history and friendship with him.”

Louis sighed and glanced over at the lawyers who had somehow remained quiet the entire time so far. “You already have contracts ready to go, don’t you?”

Charlie, the youngest of the legal team working with Louis gave him a small, embarrassed smile. Louis took that as a yes even though no one said anything.

“Right. Can I think this over? I really need to process everything you’ve thrown at me. Talk to Harry, see what he thinks about everything, all of that. I’m assuming that’s okay?” Louis ran a hand through his fringe as his mind skipped about at the same pace it had been since they really started presenting this to him. “This is big, and I’d feel better before signing anything if I was able to talk to him first. Settle myself more.”

“This is happening, Louis,” Mark said. “Balls have already been set in motion. We just need your signature so we can officially set up the usual photo opportunities and start collaborating fully with his team.”

“Can you at least pretend I could say no if I was inclined to?” Louis asked, swiftly moving right past shock and sliding into the space of being entirely overwhelmed the more Mark spoke. He liked Mark a lot, he was a great part of his management team and someone Louis appreciated having around, but this was a lot coming at him quickly. After all, Louis had been discouraged from coming out for years and now his team wanted him to do so for promotional reasons. He thought he was justified in feeling a bit off-kilter.

“We need your signature by tonight. Some of the initial rumours are hoping to be part of the morning articles for the next round of press,” Jess said, gently. “You can take this with you, you have legal’s number if you have any questions, but please email me the forms with the initials and signatures where indicated before nine, alright?”

Louis grabbed the stack of papers that Jess already had in a manila folder. She knew he wouldn’t sign right away and had it ready for him to take with him, bless her.

“Thanks, Jess,” Louis said, sincerely. “I’ll be in contact, everyone. Now I’ve got to get across town for rehearsal.”

And with that, Louis practically ran from the office building and to his car. He needed to think this through and get to rehearsals. He’d call Harry during lunch when he could be fairly certain he wouldn’t wake him no matter where in the world he currently was.

*~~***~~*

It had been about a week since Louis last heard from Harry. That was fairly normal with all of them. They were busy and despite doing their best to keep in touch, there were sometimes months at a time that would go between them reaching out to each other. Despite that, Louis felt a little bad. He should keep in contact with his supposed boyfriend better if they’re going to pull this off.

Louis tapped Harry’s contact and sat in the rehearsal room alone. The band had gone out to the pub next door for lunch and Oli wasn’t there today, which was fine. Louis really did need this time alone to pull himself together. The singing and working on basic choreography with Helene and the rest had helped a bit, but he hoped actually hearing Harry on the phone would be all that he needed to feel fully settled.

“Hey, Lou,” Harry said, easily. His voice wasn’t as deep and gravely as it was when he’d just woken up, so Louis breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Hey,” Louis said, closing his eyes and deciding to ease himself onto the floor where he could at least be still and focus on the ceiling. “You’re still home, right?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna be here for a few more weeks,” Harry said. When Louis didn’t immediately say anything else, Harry continued. “So, I’m guessing you’ve heard the plans?”

“The plans?” Louis asked mockingly after he choked back a snort. “Is that what you call a double coming out paired with a fake relationship with your former bandmate that was planned behind your back by your team?”

Harry was quiet for a moment, and Louis basked in it. The slow pace of conversation brought back so many memories for him. It felt like ages since he and Harry had spoken on the phone, but already he was feeling more comfortable and at home than he had since his last trip to see his sisters. Texting was great and all, but it would never be able to replace an actual phone call for Louis.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Harry said, and Louis could hear the smile on his face. “Sorry that my plans caused everything you’d already set up to go a bit haywire. It was just time for me, you know?”

“I do, I get it,” Louis said with a sigh. “Are you okay with this, though? Like, all of it?”

Harry breathed into his phone in a way that Louis knew his cheeks were puffed out a bit, and it made him smile.

“I think that faking a relationship with you will be the most fun I’ve had with a promotional period ever. At least we’re already friends and I can honestly say I find you quite fit.”

“Awwww, Hazza,” Louis cooed. “You’re quite fit, yourself.”

“Stop it, you’re making me blush,” Harry said, his tone making it obvious he was joking. “I’m not used to this level of flirting.”

Louis chuckled and looked around. “Seriously, though. You ready for a year or whatever of me being everywhere you turn, again? It’ll almost be like old times, except we’ll hold hands. Maybe kiss for cameras. Who knows what our teams have concocted for us.”

“Are you?” Harry asked, doing his usual and avoiding questions by turning them back on Louis. “The idea of coming out is a lot more sudden for you than it is for me.”

“I guess,” Louis admits, quietly. He had planned to come out a few years ago, but then his mum had fallen ill and… well. Things changed. Priorities changed. He still thought about it, he just hadn’t thought to do anything about it just yet. Now, it seemed, the decision wasn’t his to make anymore.

“I’ve never minded having you around, so it’s not like this is going to be a hardship, Louis. I do feel bad, though, that talking about me might become part of your promo plan and it’s your first album. It should just be about you and your music, not me.”

Louis could hear it in his voice. Harry did feel bad, but Louis wasn’t too bothered, funny enough. He’d put up a huge fight about it in the meeting, but actually talking with Harry after having had the time to think it through, Louis found that it only niggled at him a little bit. It was more of an annoyance than a true frustration, and honestly it would help Harry. 

If Harry wanted to do all of this, then Louis was never truly going to say no. 

It was also amazing how talking with Harry settled Louis so completely. He was slowly coming to accept that he wasn’t going to find a way out of this, and he knew he’d feel better after talking with Harry about it, but he didn’t realise he’d come to feel this okay with everything.

“It’s alright,” Louis said. “I haven’t talked details with the team yet, but we’ve already talked about some ideas for how we could work in mentions of you without entirely derailing the interviews and conversation topics. We’ve got a solid plan regarding which interviews I’m hoping to do, the focus of discussion, all that. We’ll just have to tweak the plan a little, now.”

Louis’ mind wandered to the interviews he’d had to do ever since becoming famous. As a band they had always wished more questions had been about the music, and that was one of the reasons why Louis was so emphatic about that point now he had his own solo career. He knew, though, that other questions would always be asked and he couldn’t help but hope that if the journalists and everyone else had Harry to focus on for those, maybe they would keep their distance from the blacklisted topics they usually tended towards.

“Yeah,” Harry eventually said, but left it at that for a moment. After a brief pause, he continued. “So, we’re doing this, huh?”

Louis chuckled. “Yeah, seems so.”

“Alright, boyfriend.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Yeah, alright. I’ve gotta get to lunch so I’m not late back to my own rehearsal. I’ll talk to you later, though, yeah?”

“Yeah. Have a good day, Lou. I’ve missed you, it’ll be nice seeing you more often now.”

“Yeah, it will. Bye, Haz.”

Louis ended the call and looked at the time. He had just enough time to grab a burger at Maccies. That would have to do.

*~~***~~*

Louis shuffled about and played with the zip on his hoodie while he waited for his team to give him the go ahead to Skype in with whatever radio station he was talking to today. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt more comfortable talking to his fans. He had worldwide listening parties set up for  _ We Made It _ next week, and he’d be Skyping in to each one to talk with them about the single and answer their questions. That didn’t have him nearly so nervous as this particular round of promo with the stations.

It was crazy, too, because usually he loved talking with the various radio stations. He had a fun time bantering and actually getting to talk to the different DJs about music and such. He knew things were different this time and it made sense why he was nervous, but that wasn’t helping him at the moment.

The thing was, up until then, all implications of a relationship and coming out between Louis and Harry had been done subtly and mostly without them having to do anything about it. Their teams had been slipping rumours into various publications and a few clues had been popping up on their respective social media. Harry’s was mostly based on Twitter likes and random responses to fans while Louis’ was geared around Instagram posts and teasing captions. It had been fun, actually— he always had enjoyed winding up the fans— but now he was going to be answering questions about Harry and have to make it seem natural for him to be doing so.

He’d talked about Harry a little bit when Louis had done interviews around the time  _ Dunkirk _ had been released, but that had been nothing like the questions he was going to be getting now. Honestly, he wasn’t sure exactly how the line of questioning would go, but he would find out soon enough.

It wasn’t long before he was given the go ahead to connect to the Skype that was already set up on his laptop. He made sure his earbuds were ready and did the usual waiting he did while his team made sure everyone at the station was ready to comply with the restrictions they had sent over beforehand. Once things were ready and the DJs for this particular show were introduced, Louis’ video went live and he knew they could see him as well.

“Hello, hello!” Louis cheered as he waved at the screen. “Louis Tomlinson, here.”

“Louis Tomlinson, welcome!”

Louis had fun with the pair he spoke to and answered some questions about songwriting and his upcoming album, teased some things about future singles, and then it was time for what he’d been so concerned about earlier.

“Now, Louis. We do have to talk to you about Harry Styles.”

“Oh, you do, do you?” Louis said, chuckling.

“Have you seen that Harry’s basically gone with your hairstyle?”

Louis chuckled. He had seen that. Harry had sent him a selfie and asked what he thought, and he’d teased him for a while before admitting it did suit him.

“I did, I did see that today, actually,” Louis finally said, unzipping his hoodie. He was suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable with all the layers despite always being cold. “Yeah, yeah, I have seen that he’s cut his hair. I think it suits him, he looks alright. He looks good, don’t he?”

“Definitely taken some inspo from you though, right?” the interviewer pressed. “You can claim that, I think.”

“Erm, maybe. Maybe,” Louis said, knowing his face was going fond and for once not fighting it. That was exactly why his team was doing this after all, wasn’t it? He didn’t have to hide the soft spot he’d always had for Harry anymore. Instead, he had to flaunt it, play it up. It was hard after years of training to do otherwise, but he did his best. “It’s a good haircut, so…”

“He looks cute,” the woman said, and Louis did what he could this time.

He tucked his head down like he was embarrassed and licked his lips, quietly saying, “Yeah, he is.” Louis glanced up at the screen again and was pleased to see the interviewers were moving on, but hoped it was enough for others to catch on.

The interview ended soon after, and Jaylene, one of the interns came to collect the laptop to get everything set up for the next call which would happen in about an hour.

Louis stood up and stretched before Jess jumped on him.

“Perfect!” she said, tapping away on her phone. “Taking the jacket off as soon as they mentioned Harry was genius and you were adorable talking about his hair like that. There’s already articles about the fan reaction to Harry’s haircut, so we’re hoping other interviewers will follow suit and ask you about that.”

“Really?” Louis asked, looking at her, surprised. “His  _ hair? _ That’s just so random.”

Jess shrugged. “We’ll take what we can get, and for now it’s a natural talking point. We’ll have to do something more later, but this will suit our purposes for the time being.”

“Okay,” Louis agreed, bewildered. When he’d agreed to this, he’d assumed it would go similarly to his previous promotional relationships and what he’d seen of the other lads in the band when they had them as well. It had, at first. He was well used to the type of social media engagement they’d done so far, but he hadn’t anticipated a simple question about a haircut becoming an actual part of the story they were selling. He’d just have to trust her.

*~~***~~*

“So when is all of your shit starting up?” Louis asked Harry on the phone a few days later. “I kind of expected you to have interviews happening already.”

Harry chuckled. “Yeah, we shifted some things around actually. I think I’m meant to do a few interviews in a week or two? Maybe? I’m not sure, if I’m honest. I’m doing so much travelling over the next little bit that I’m kind of going from day to day. We do have some bigger things set up later, but those aren’t interviews so much as straight up promo, you know? Like I’m doing SNL again and Jools Holland.”

“Fuck off,” Louis said, laughing. “Jools Holland? That’ll be amazing.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty excited, actually.”

“Yeah, I believe it.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Harry spoke again. “Do you know when we’re meant to start actually seeing each other and being a bit more obvious about all this? I know Jeff mentioned it, but I can’t remember and can’t be fussed to sort through all of his emails at the moment.”

Louis snorted. “You’re such a lazy arse. Yeah, I think our schedules line up a little bit in a few weeks? Mid-November, maybe? I’ll be in the middle of performances and travelling, but I think that you’ll be in nearby areas at similar times, so we’re meant to connect during some of those and have some sneaky pics leaked or something.”

Harry hummed and yawned. “Maybe I can come over and we can hang out for real before things start getting really crazy for the two of us, yeah? Have a semblance of normality with us again before having to act like we’ve been dating for awhile and start lying to the public about it?”

“Oh, I suppose I can deal with your ugly mug for a bit even without a contractual obligation to do so,” Louis teased, smiling.

“Rude,” Harry said. “Good thing I know you don’t mean it.”

“Yeah, good thing,” Louis said, smiling softly. “How about I text you to see when might work for us to get together and we can go from there. Alright?”

“Yeah,” Harry said, yawning again. “I’m going to go. Sleep is calling me.”

“Sure, love,” Louis said, laughing when he could hear Harry yawning again already. It was making him need to yawn as well. “Stop yawning in me ear, it’s making me need to yawn too!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Harry apologised, laughing. “Have a good night.”

They hung up, and Louis stared at the ceiling of his bedroom before checking the time.

They’d been on the phone together for two hours that night.  _ Two hours. _ Louis didn’t talk to anyone outside of his family for that long, much less one of the lads. He and Harry had been putting more effort into keeping in contact recently, though, so they could have more ready to talk about when needed. Their teams did a good job of keeping up together as well, but he got so much more from Harry than he did when things were sent through the grapevine.

He was excited to see Harry again, though. It had been ages since they’d bothered to get together, what with their schedules and personal lives being as crazy as they were. It would be nice to hang out as friends and only friends one last time before everything really geared up with them.

Checking his schedule to let Harry choose from the times Louis had available, he quickly texted them to Harry and then rolled over, allowing his mind to drift and think about his upcoming album announcement and everything that would follow.

*~~***~~*

“I can’t believe your front door is unlocked,” Harry’s drawn out voice said as he walked inside. “Don’t you know that’s basically inviting unwanted intruders? What if I was a stalker?”

Louis looked up from his phone where he was lounging on the couch and smiled at Harry. He was wearing an old hoodie and some basketball shorts. He looked comfortable and exactly how Louis loved seeing him.

“I mean, you’re here, so you’re already proving your point,” Louis teased. “Besides, who just tries the door handle instead of knocking first?”

Harry made a face at Louis before he gently laid himself down so his body was pretty much entirely covering Louis’.

“You big oaf,” Louis whined, struggling to get his arms out from under Harry so he could at least have those free. “If you wanted a cuddle, I could have moved over to make it more comfortable.”

“This is fine as it is,” Harry mumbled into Louis’ shoulder. “I’m tired.”

“Apparently,” Louis said, tossing his phone towards the coffee table and missing. He saw it thud on the floor and figured he’d just grab it later. 

Louis started running his fingers through Harry’s hair in the way he remembered him liking and Harry almost immediately let out a sigh.

“Feels good but you should stop if you want us to actually do something. I’ll fall asleep if you keep going.”

Louis stopped and immediately dropped his arms back to his side.

“Louuuuuuu,” Harry whined. “You weren’t supposed to actually stop.”

“Oh come on,” Louis said before he started doing what he could to shift Harry off him enough to be able to sit up. “I was hoping I’d have you conscious at the very least. You’re not good company when you’re snoring.”

“Heyyyyyy,” Harry whined. “I don’t snore.”

Louis pushed Harry’s hip enough that he lost his balance and fell to the floor. “You do and you very well know it,” Louis argued. “Now, are we ordering some curry like you mentioned wanting earlier?”

They ordered in and once Harry had food and tea in him, he was much more alive. They ended up doing nothing but sitting and talking for hours, catching up on everything they hadn’t said through their texts and their excitement over their upcoming music releases. It was a lot of fun and something Louis hadn’t realised he needed so much until he actually had it.

“I need to go,” Harry said. “I’ve got loads to get done before leaving again.”

“Yeah, same,” Louis said, yawning. He was going to be spending some time with his sisters before heading off to the United States for the kick off of his album presale and his next single. This was going to be the last moment of quiet he had before his schedule was far more packed than it had been up to this point. 

“I think I’m going to meet up with you in New York shortly,” Harry said, smiling. “Have fun talking about me. I’ll be liking your posts or something, I’m sure.”

Louis snorted and nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure you will.”

“Should we take a photo together so we have it on standby should we need it?” Harry asked. “I used to always do that with the others, but we wouldn’t hang out for fun most of the time, so we might not need that as much as I did with them.”

Louis shrugged. “Don’t see why not. Won’t do any harm. Besides, I’m sure fans will flip out seeing us so casually dressed together if it does ever get used publicly.”

Harry hummed in agreement and walked up behind Louis.

“What are you doing?” Louis asked, unsure how he was meant to position himself with Harry doing whatever the hell it was he was up to.

“Taking a photo, now just let me do this…” Harry positioned his chest right up against Louis’ back and then wrapped his arms around Louis. 

“You’re never going to get a decent angle like that,” Louis argued. He felt his point was proved quite quickly when he saw them suddenly appear on Harry’s phone screen.

“As if you have a bad angle,” Harry whispered. “Here, you want to take it, then?”

“Of course I do,” Louis argued, grabbing the phone from Harry’s hand. “Bloody hell, the 11 Pro is fucking massive, isn’t it?”

Harry just hummed as he tucked his face against Louis’ shoulder and wrapped his arms fully around Louis’ waist. Louis turned his head minutely to look at Harry before focusing back on the phone.

“Alright, I’m just going to take a few and assume you’ll find one you like that fits your aesthetic.”

Louis took the first photo but then Harry shifted and it was in the brief moment between the second and third photos that Louis felt the press of Harry’s lips to his jaw. He hadn’t expected it but had to admit it was a good idea. They already looked cosy and intimate, and that small addition made it suddenly undeniable what they were trying to convey.

“Perfect,” Harry said quietly. “Thanks, Lou. Tonight was great.”

“It was,” Louis agreed, turning around so he could wrap Harry in a quick hug. “Drive safe and hope your jet lag doesn’t hit you too hard.”

Harry snorted as he stood up and took his phone back. “Yeah, thanks. You, too.”

As Harry left, Louis’ house felt quiet and empty, but inside he felt happier and more content than he could remember feeling in ages.

*~~***~~*

Louis hadn’t expected to step off the plane in New York City and have his phone suddenly filled with messages. 

Well, he  _ had, _ but not messages from Niall, Liam, and Louis’ team. What exactly had happened while he’d purposefully neglected to connect to the flight’s WiFi?

Choosing to ignore everything and go to the person he assumed had caused the insanity, Louis opened his chat with Harry. Amongst all the other notifications, Louis hadn’t realised he had also texted him.

_ Harry: Whoops. _

Louis snorted and quickly typed a message back.

_ Louis: What the hell have you done? My phone is a mess and I don’t even know where to start, so I’m somewhat tempted to ignore it all _

Oli tapped on Louis’ shoulder and held out his phone. It was showing the Trending Topics on Twitter, and Louis suddenly knew Harry had done something more than they’d originally intended.  _ Larry Stylinson, Larry is Real, _ and  _ Harry loves Louis _ were all trending. 

“The fuck’s he done now?” Louis asked as his phone vibrated. That better be Harry replying, because if not, Louis was going to call him.

It wasn’t. It was Mark. He’d have to wait.

Louis hit dial for Harry’s contact and followed Oli and his security through the airport the rest of the way, waiting when instructed to for their luggage to be collected, calling Harry repeatedly when he didn’t answer immediately.

“I didn’t mean to, okay?”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Didn’t mean to what? All I’ve seen is a million messages from people demanding answers or telling me I have to do something about a situation I know nothing about and some of the trends on Twitter. The hell did you do?”

“I mean, my team likes it, but it does move the timeline forward a little,” Harry said, still not answering any of Louis’ questions.

“I’m not a fucking member of the press, Harold,” Louis whisper yelled into his phone, looking around to be sure people weren’t close enough for him to have to censor himself. “Answer my damn questions so I’m not in the dark and can start doing something about this, whatever  _ this _ is!”

“I accidentally posted one of our photos from your house the other weekend onto my Instagram stories.”

Louis blinked. “Well, you’re right, that would move up the timeline quite a bit, wouldn’t it,” Louis said, entirely deadpan. He wasn’t sure what he was meant to do about this. He didn’t really have any control over what Harry posted and they  _ had _ taken that photo for this exact purpose, he just figured they’d be waiting at least a few months for that level of intimacy to be shown to the public.

“I mean, I deleted it pretty much right away. But it was still there for like thirty seconds, and you know as well as I do our fans don’t need more time than that. It’s kind of everywhere now.”

Louis snorted as security moved him forward again. “Yeah, I’m sure. Well, okay. Thanks for telling me, I guess I’ll go answer my manager’s rapidfire texts now.”

“I really am sorry,” Harry said, quietly.

“How exactly do you post something to your story accidentally anyway, Harold?” Louis asked, amused. “That’s something you generally have to go through a certain number of steps to do.”

“Yeah, well I meant to post the photo beside it in my photo roll  _ and _ I thought I was on my personal Instagram, so between the two and the fact I dropped my phone and accidentally hit post before approving the filters and shit, it was just one mistake after another, really.”

“You’re a fucking nightmare,” Louis said, laughing.

“On the dancefloor, I know,” Harry teased. “Believe me, the fandom has made sure I know they think that line is specifically about me.”

“It  _ is _ specifically about you. Your dancing has always been nothing short of appalling,” Louis said, laughing. “Okay, I really do have to go so I can find out what they want me to do now. Thanks, love.”

“Yeah, sorry again!” Harry called before ending the call.

Shaking his head, Louis climbed into the car security ushered him to and made sure there was space for the others climbing in behind him.

Instead of bothering to read through the ridiculous number of texts from various members of Louis’ team, he called his manager instead. 

“I hate when you don’t connect to the WiFi on Trans-Atlantic flights, Louis. I need you to be able to be contacted at all times.”

“What a wonderful greeting, thank you, Mark,” Louis said, sarcastically. “The flight was exceptionally smooth, this time, which I appreciated. They really do need to up their tea offerings, though.”

Louis knew Mark was pinching his nose in frustration. It was an action he’d seen him do several times just in the past year he’d been working with Louis. He really didn’t mean to make Mark’s job difficult, but sometimes he couldn’t help it.

“I assume you’ve seen what Harry did by now,” Mark said before continuing on without leaving Louis time to answer. “For now we’re not going to have you do anything on social media, though we did consider that for a moment. Jess thinks it would be much more succinct and powerful if we have you talk about it in your interviews with Elvis and the Morning Mashup in the next few days instead.”

“So you were in a big hurry to tell me to not do anything?” Louis asked, making sure he understood. 

“We wanted to make sure you didn’t just go rogue on us,” Mark said. “Communication between all sides is important here, Louis, especially in situations like this. We want to make sure we’re all on the same page.”

Louis was quickly growing annoyed. Mark was talking down to him in a way he wasn’t used to, and he didn’t want Mark to think that was okay. Louis had just as much experience with this kind of situation as he did, but from the other end. 

“I know, Mark. As I’m sure you’re aware, I’m not new to any of this. I’ve been through this sort of thing before.” 

Louis might have answered in a tone that was a bit sharper than he’d intended, but at the moment he didn’t particularly care. He knew how to handle himself and he was going to make damn sure his entire team remembered that. They were there to advise, guide, and assist, not scold him as if he were a child.

“Of course you have,” Mark said, sighing. “I’m already at the hotel. I’ll be waiting for you so we can go over some more specifics of the interviews and topics before you get some practice time in with Helene, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis said, hoping that meant Mark was going to stop treating him like a child. “See you soon.”

Hanging up, Louis sighed and quickly read through the messages from his team and left them unanswered. His call to Mark was enough for now. 

Before locking his phone, Louis glanced at the messages still sitting unread from Liam and Niall. Liam’s was just a row of question marks and Niall’s was a lot of caps. Louis left them unread so he wouldn’t forget to answer them later when he had more energy and turned off his phone. 

Flights always exhausted him anyway, but getting off one as long as his had been to the situation he had left him needing another ten hours of sleep. 

He’d settle for a nap in the car as they fought traffic to their hotel.

*~~***~~*

“Now, Louis, we do have some fan questions for you,” Ryan said, smiling as the fans in the room had a bit of a cheer before going quiet.

Louis tried to school his face. This was the part his team had arranged for last minute. There would be a question his team made sure would be included, and he was ready. Or, he hoped he was.

The fans asked all sorts of questions, and he was having a lot of fun bantering with them and the hosts of the show, but then the fan read her question out loud and it was time to finally address what Harry had done.

“What’s your favourite line you’ve written for the album?”

Louis hemmed and hawed as he did his best to act like this was a difficult question and not one he’d thought about quite often. “I think there’s several that are quite close, with the album being as personal as it is, but as you’ve just heard  _ We Made It _ , I think I’ll share one that is from another song you’ve not heard today,  _ Habit.  _ It’s the line that reads  _ It’s been ages, different stages, Come so far from Princess Park, I’ll always need ya.” _

The crowd was quiet until he heard some squeaks and he just gave a wink and a smile before turning back to Ryan and Nicole.

“They seem to understand why that might be significant to you,” Nicole said, looking as if she didn’t.

“Yeah, my fans know me well,” Louis said with a smirk.

Later that day, Louis felt like he was dead on his feet. He’d been ushered from one interview to another with several performances and even a meet and greet. He’d loved every moment of it, but he was ready for a break.

It was only then he could see how things had gone down with what he’d done. He had worked for a while yesterday with his team on a big conference call trying to find subtle ways to address his supposed relationship with Harry without outright saying it since Harry’s own team had decided to keep a bit quiet on that front as well. He’d been pleased with what they’d come up with, but wanted to know the fan reactions at this point.

“Louis, Tumblr and Twitter are basically in a meltdown,” Jess said. “There are trending topics and sound clips and GIFs and more, all detailing and showing you talking about those lyrics and the other shout outs to Harry in your interviews today. It was perfection.”

“Good, good, good,” Louis said, rubbing his hands against his thighs. “The reactions from the fans, when they were there, were pretty great, too.” 

He couldn’t help but laugh a little, making Mark look at him funny. He loved his fans, but it was always amusing to see how they reacted to things in real time.

“Okay, so tomorrow with Elvis, we’re still looking to have you talk about Harry a little more explicitly,” Jess said, her voice sounding tinny through the phone’s speakers. “You and Mark should have my suggestions in email, but of course you can tweak them as needed to suit the conversation.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ve got it,” Louis agreed even as Mark nodded. “Anything else? I’d really like to finish this beer and get some sleep, love.”

“No, I think that’s it for now. Great job today, Louis.”

“Thanks,” Louis said, smiling.

Knowing Harry would already be asleep at this hour, Louis opened their thread and typed a simple message.

_ Louis: Here we go ! _

*~~***~~*

Louis really should have, but he didn’t plan on the group of fans that were waiting for him outside the radio station after his third interview that day. It was only noon, but he was exhausted and starving. It had been a long and crazy two days, but things had gone even better than he ever could have imagined.

He just wasn’t sure he had the energy to meet with the fans outside the station. 

Always grateful to them, though, Louis pasted on a smile and greeted them, phone in hand. He’d answer his sisters’ messages once he was in the car, he could afford a few photos and videos with those who had waited who knows how long for him.

Louis was about to just wave and say thanks after the first four or five, but as he started doing so, he saw someone holding a dog.

“Oh my God,” Louis said, eyes wide and rushing over to the dog. “You brought your dog! He must be so scared!”

“He’s been waiting with me all day,” the girl answered, and Louis was impressed as well as worried.

“He’s doing alright, though? There’s so many people here and he’s just handling it okay?” Louis asked, reaching out to pet the poor thing. In the owner’s defense, the dog did seem perfectly alright. Louis just knew that Cliff had such a hard time with large crowds like this that Louis avoided taking him near people as much as he possibly could.

“Yeah, he loves people,” the girl said, and that made Louis feel a little better.

Louis was about to go back to waving when he felt his phone vibrate in his hand, and when he looked he realised it was Harry calling. It was easy to tell because Harry’s face filled Louis’ screen in an obviously personal photo Louis had taken himself. That the fans could easily see.

Well, it suited his purposes anyway.

Louis quickly waved at the fans, making sure to “accidentally” show them Harry’s face on his phone, and then answered it before it rang off to voicemail as he followed security the rest of the way to the car.

“Hang on a sec. It’s a bit loud, but I’ll be able to hear you better once I’m inside the car,” Louis said in greeting.

“Alright,” Harry replied. 

A few moments later and they were through the crowd, Louis safely in the backseat with the door closed. 

“Okay, that’s better,” Louis said, sighing and buckling up. “So, hello there. How’s London?”

“Sunny, for once, and I wasn’t prepared,” Harry said, laughing. “I heard your interview with Elvis.”

“Did you?” Louis asked, surprised. He thought Harry was in rehearsals today, but maybe he was wrong. “And, how did I do talking about us being all cuddly on your mess of an Instagram story?” 

“Well, you could have talked me up a bit more,” Harry teased. “I mean, you hardly said one positive thing about me and here I am, your doting boyfriend of several months. The least you could do was make people think you didn’t mind looking at me, you know?”

Louis laughed, remembering what he’d said. If anything, he’d worried that he’d said too much. Been too effusive. Harry obviously didn’t mind, though. In the end, he really had tried to downplay the whole thing a bit while also playing a bit coy. He’d openly admitted that he and Harry had been spending time together, but it wasn’t  _ that _ big of a deal. After all, he was still close with all the lads. He was quite proud of himself for it, though, and hoped it all came off as naturally as he thought it had.

“Yeah, I’m a bit worried they’ll think I hate you after that,” Louis said back, smile large on his face.

Harry hummed and they were quiet for a moment. 

Louis shifted in his seat and looked out the window at the traffic. “So, this is like… the last of the calm. You ready for things to really kick into gear now?”

Louis would be lying if he didn’t say he was nervous. There was obviously a chemistry between the two of them. There was a reason the Larry shippers had been such a prominent part of their fan base for a long time. They weren’t dating, there was never anything more happening than friendship, but the fans saw how they were immediately drawn to each other. Louis could understand how their unusually close friendship had come across as romantic rather than platonic.

That natural chemistry only went so far, though. Sure, Louis had loved to act when he was younger but it wasn’t a skill he had honed through the years like Harry had. Harry had such a gift, that Louis knew if he put his mind to it he could sell  _ Louis _ on the fact they were dating. Louis only wished he were half as confident in himself.

“Ready if you are,” Harry said quietly.

“Not sure I’ll ever fully be ready, you know I’m not good at lying, but I’m as ready as I’m going to be.”

They were quiet, Louis’ mind stuck on the upcoming plans for their supposed relationship for the rest of the drive to the hotel.

*~~***~~*

“You two are doing perfectly,” Jess said through the phone. Louis was waiting backstage for his chance at soundcheck for Premios Telehit, which of course meant he didn’t have time to relax. His team took advantage of the opportunity to have more meetings.

“We’ve barely done anything,” Louis said with a sigh. “We’ve been interacting on social media, and half those tweets aren’t even us. Not sure we’re the ones to be congratulating.”

“You’d be surprised what a comment on an Instagram post and a quick congratulations in a tweet can do,” Jess said. “There’ve been plenty of articles and gossip, which is exactly what we’re going for right now. People know you two are close and friendly and taking adorable photos together, but when there’s no other proof of you two actually seeing each other face to face because you’re busy with your careers, people will take any indication that things are going well with you two.”

“Going well,” Louis repeated, rubbing his forehead. “This feels so ridiculous.”

“How is this any different from previous promotional relationships you’ve done before? You’ve had at least three, and I worked with you on the last one. This is nothing new.” 

Louis could hear the annoyance in Jess’ voice that he was acting this way, but he couldn’t help it. He was nervous about his set tomorrow, he was nervous about what was happening  _ after _ the set, he was nervous about what was going to happen due to all of this. Louis overall was bricking it.

“I don’t know,” Louis said, pulling at his hair a little. “Maybe it’s different because it’s Harry and he’s got a name for himself already, unlike the others we’ve done this with before. I don’t know.”

“Louis,” Jess said with a sigh. “Just trust us. This is far easier in a lot of ways exactly  _ because _ he’s already got a name for himself.”

“I know, I know.” Louis sighed. 

“Yeah, you know, but that’s not the real issue, is it?”

It was silent after Jess spoke, and Louis closed his eyes. She was right. It wasn’t because Harry was someone who was already known. It was because Harry was  _ Harry, _ a  _ man. _ Everything was pretty much exactly the same as it had been before, in some ways easier since Harry’s own social media presence and promo schedule took some of the pressure off of Louis himself, except he wasn’t a woman.

“No,” Louis finally admitted quietly, looking at Mark who gave him a small smile. “It’s not. It’s more real and closer to the truth this time.”

“Yeah. I know,” Jess said, gently. “But honestly, Louis, you’ve got to come to terms with that and soon. This is about to get big and you know it. There’s not going to be an  _ Out _ magazine cover or primetime interview— thank  _ God _ we can get away with not having to spell it out for the most part these days— but you’re still coming out in a big way. So, you’ve got to be ready for that, okay?”

“Yeah.” Louis sighed. “Yeah, I know. I keep thinking I’m ready and then I realise I’m just… not. I don’t know if I’ll ever be fully prepared.”

There was a knock on the door and Louis looked up to see a woman sticking her head in.

“Your band is almost ready for you, you can come on out.”

“Thanks,” Louis said before turning back to the phone he and Mark were both sitting in front of. “Time to do some work. Thanks for the call, Jess.”

“Good luck with everything, Louis. You’re going to smash it.”

“Thanks.” Louis leaned forward and hung up the phone before sighing and scrubbing his face. “Well, let’s do this.”

*~~***~~*

Louis was exhausted. He knew that Harry was likely even more so considering how many hours he was putting in this week preparing for his double duty on  _ Saturday Night Live, _ but Harry was also still riding high on the adrenaline that he always got before a performance.

Louis, on the other hand, was on the crashing end after a big performance last night. He was only in New York for a few hours to support Harry and show publicly that he’s doing so before flying back to England in time for his performance in Manchester. It was a ridiculous schedule, and he’d likely be paying for it for the next week, but he was also excited about it. It reminded him of being on tour with the lads, and he needed to readjust to that lifestyle before next year anyway.

The door opened, jarring Louis from the near doze he’d fallen into without even realising.

“You’re so fucking knackered, you shouldn’t have come here for this.”

Louis smiled up at Harry and patted the seat beside him. “You have more than a five second break since you’re in here?”

Shrugging, but not bothering to cover his smile, Harry sank down beside Louis. “Yeah. It’s time for food before we get set up for the dress rehearsal.”

Louis smiled and leaned against Harry, closing his eyes happily at the warmth he could feel even through the layers of clothes. He was more comfortable than the stiff couch they were sitting on as well, which just made Louis snuggle up to him even further.

“Why aren’t you getting food?” Louis slurred out. Harry’s arm wrapped around him and Louis couldn’t help but smile, even if it did jostle him around a little.

“Why would I get food when I could be here with you? Someone else will get some for me. Xander and Jeff are around here somewhere. I’ll text one of them to bring us something.”

Louis hummed and allowed himself to relax into Harry even further as his mind shut off. This used to be one of his favourite ways to nap when they were in the band. He’d snuggle up to one of the boys and just allow himself to shut off for a few moments. He always woke up feeling worlds better, even if he never did fall asleep.

“Hey, Lou?”

Louis didn’t know why Harry was saying his name and shaking him like that when they’d just been talking. All he wanted was to stay comfy leaning on Harry.

“What?” Louis mumbled, swatting at Harry’s chest. “Leave me alone, I just wanna rest for a few minutes.”

Harry chuckled, and it was then that Louis realised that their position had changed. When Harry laughed, Louis bounced, which shouldn’t have really happened if they’d been how they were just a moment ago.

Confused, Louis lifted his head and realised they were laying down on the couch and Louis was on top of Harry.

“What the fuck?” Louis asked, rubbing his eyes and pushing himself back up into a seated position, now straddling Harry. 

“You were out like a light and I didn’t want to move you more than I had to. When I came back after dress rehearsal your neck was bent so funny I couldn’t leave you like that and when I tried laying you down, you took me with you. So yeah, it’s been quite a while, and I really do need to eat before getting back to makeup.”

Louis looked around, still feeling disoriented. “Man, I was more tired than I realised.”

“Yeah,” Harry said softly.

Once they’d repositioned, Louis realised there were two plates laden with food sitting in front of the couch they were on. 

“Who brought these?” Louis asked before popping a grape in his mouth. 

Harry shrugged as he picked up a sandwich. “Jeff. He took a photo to use later as well. Said we looked cute.”

“Awwwww,” Louis said, pinching Harry’s cheek before turning back to the food. “Glad my exhaustion is helping this whole thing, I guess.”

“Yeah. A few of the others poked their heads in and saw us too, so like, that’s got them talking as well,” Harry said quietly. 

Louis pursed his lips and nodded before he finished chewing the cheese and salami he’d just popped into his mouth. “Well, good. If needed, we can have them talk about how adorable we are after this airs.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Yeah. They won’t, but if we need to I’m sure they will.”

Louis’ phone vibrated, and when he pulled it out he saw it was a text from Mark. Why was he texting? Wasn’t he somewhere in the building?

_ Mark: You’re already getting tagged in shit as being in NYC, get ready because the insanity is about to begin  _

“Alright. It’s time to do this,” Louis said as he sent Mark a thumbs up emoji. 

“Most of this is your thing while I’m out there doing my thing, right?” Harry asked as he checked the time and stuffed one more big bite into his mouth.

“Yeah. I’ve got my instructions. You focus on you,” Louis said with a wink before smacking Harry’s arse as he stood up. “Get out there and make me proud.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “I’m a professional. Of course I will.”

Louis took his time munching on the food that was left on both of their plates after Harry left before it was close enough to the start of the show that he’d be getting escorted to side stage shortly. At first he’d found it ridiculous that he was going to have his own escort, but then he remembered the insanity that was behind the scenes at  _ Saturday Night Live, _ and he quickly agreed. He didn’t want to get in anyone’s way or cause any disruptions while people were working, so he’d follow their lead and take the photos and videos as he was told to.

Harry had been incredibly tight-lipped about the skits that he was performing. He’d talked about the songs, but that was mostly it. Louis was incredibly excited to see and hear what Harry had been working on.

There was a knock on the door, and when it opened, Louis was surprised to see a familiar face.

“Adam?” Louis laughed as he got up and gave the man a hug. “How are you doing?”

Louis had stopped by Harry’s tour a couple of times last year, and he had loved Harry’s band, but it was Adam that he got along with best. 

“I’m your escort,” Adam said with a wink. “Unfortunately that mostly means you’ll be in the green room with us instead of watching from side stage, but that’s honestly probably for the best.”

“Yeah, yeah. Definitely,” Louis said as he easily followed Adam into the hustle and bustle of the hallway.

It wasn’t far to where the band was, and after introductions to the new members, Louis had a good time chatting with them until he heard the cast yell, “...and it’s Saturday Night!” Louis excused himself and chose a seat closer to the television so he could hear what Harry was actually saying.

Harry was incredible. He delivered his lines naturally and with his usual comedic timing that usually made people groan, but somehow worked for him in this setting. Louis was incredibly proud of him— and a little embarrassed, he wasn’t going to lie— and he found himself getting so caught up in the sketches that he was thrown off when Adam touched his shoulder to get his attention.

“We’re heading out to set up the first number. I can show you where you can stand, if you want?”

Louis nodded and quickly followed him out to where it looked like a madhouse. In some ways, Louis felt entirely displaced because this wasn’t  _ his, _ it wasn’t  _ for him _ and therefore he felt distinctly like he was in the way. In others, though, Louis felt the energy that was flowing through him at the knowledge that this would soon come together fully and Harry would step out and do his first live, aired performance of  _ Lights Up.  _ There was something magical that happened every time a live set was done, and Louis loved that feeling. He was so glad that, even exhausted, he was able to make it here to witness this for Harry.

“Hey,” Harry whispered in Louis’ ear. 

Louis had been so focused on what was happening in front of him, he jumped a little when Harry did that, but when he turned he was impressed with what he saw. 

“All black sequins, eh? Showing some skin again?” Louis teased his fingers up Harry’s chest before smiling widely at him. “Go on out there and show them what you’ve got.”

Harry’s eyes widened as he inserted his in-ears. “I’m bricking it,” he quietly admitted.

Louis leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s cheek. He was meant to do that anyway, he could use it to his advantage now and help soothe Harry with that small action of intimacy, right? 

“You’re going to be amazing, Haz,” Louis whispered. “Now get out there and do it.”

Harry took a deep breath, shook out his hands, and when he shifted his shoulders back, Louis could see it. Harry had always had a way of putting on a completely different aura before stepping onto the stage, and it was so interesting for Louis to witness it. As he’d got older, it had almost become a protection for Harry as he showed his most vulnerable side to the world. Seeing it fall into place as he walked out like he was the most confident performer to ever grace the SNL stage, Louis smiled. Yeah, Harry was going to do amazing.

During both musical performances, Louis went live on his Instagram. He showed small snippets of Harry performing and then made sure to take some photos with Harry’s band as well for them to post on their own social media. That was all he was doing tonight other than being present and showing himself to be a supportive boyfriend, but it still felt like a weight had lifted once he’d finished.

It would be fun to see all the reactions later.

Once the show was over and filming had finished, Louis ran out and gave Harry a huge hug. He wasn’t planning to, but the look on Harry’s face told Louis he was going to do something worse to draw Louis out on stage if he didn’t go willingly. Harry had always known exactly how to convince Louis to do as he wanted, and this wasn’t any different. The screams from the audience when Louis was able to be seen for the first time were louder than he expected, though.

Once he pulled back from Harry, Louis looked at the audience and gave them a small wave, then focused on Harry again. 

“I thought we were keeping this to social media and cast?” Louis said, smirking. “What happened to just confirming this whole thing and starting the fan sightings later?”

Harry shrugged. “Was feeling good, figured why not?”

Louis hummed before he allowed Harry to be dragged away. He deserved to celebrate, and Louis needed to sleep before his flight the next day. He’d wait backstage until he was able to wish Harry farewell, get a basic rundown on the initial feedback on what had happened so far from Mark, and then he was going to sleep for a whole two or three hours before his flight took off.

Giving one last wave to the fans who were still in the audience, Louis made his way backstage, which was still busy, but nowhere close to how it had been before. Once he’d stepped off, Mark intercepted him and nodded towards the room where Louis had been with Harry before the show.

Once the door was closed, Mark turned to Louis and said, “We didn’t talk about you going out there during credits.”

Louis shook his head. “Credits were done, I only went out when Harry gave me the go-ahead.”

“Credits were definitely  _ not _ done rolling,” Mark said as he turned his phone around and showed Louis the screen. Screenshot after screenshot, short video and gif after screaming post, Louis saw himself walk up to Harry and wrap him in a tight hug.

“Well shit,” Louis said, barely breathing. “Sorry, I thought he was just trying to get me out there in front of the audience.”

“No, I think this is going to work for us, actually, because it’s obvious you didn’t realise the cameras were rolling. It looks natural because it was for you two. That’s exactly the kind of thing we need.”

Louis blinked at Mark. “Are you going to continue to be this chill about everything when we keep going off script?” 

He wasn’t going to lie, he loved that Mark wasn’t freaking out about any of this, but he wasn’t quite used to it. Mark was very much a stick to the letter of the law, get things done exactly as we’ve agreed to kind of person. Yet, here he was, for the second time in a month going along with something Harry and Louis had done that didn’t go with what they had originally planned. 

“As long as it works for our purposes, I don’t see why I should worry,” Mark said with a shrug. “Overall, there are mixed reactions as you can imagine, but it’s mostly shock at this point. There were a lot of people who really weren’t expecting you to make this kind of a stop when your weekend is already incredibly busy. That is indicating that things with you and Harry might be more than they’d anticipated, which is exactly what we were going for. So, the team will keep tabs on it all and we’ll let you know what we’re looking at once you’ve landed in England.”

Louis yawned. He’d been able to keep from doing so after his nap, but his lack of sleep was definitely catching up to him now. “Yeah, sounds good.”

“Oh good, you haven’t left yet.”

Louis turned around to see Harry in his ridiculous  _ Sex _ shirt, smiling widely at him. 

“Wasn’t going to just leave without saying goodbye,” Louis said, waving his hand at him. “What do you take me for? Some fake boyfriend?”

Harry snorted as he made his way to Louis and wrapped him in a hug. “I guess so. Sorry for being so rude to my obviously real boyfriend.”

“That’s right,” Louis said, rubbing Harry’s back. “You did so well tonight, love. Think your mum might wash your mouth after that Sara Lee bit, though.”

Harry chuckled, and Louis couldn’t help but smile in return.

“Thanks. Now get off to what you need to do and we can talk more after you’ve had a chance to rest.”

“That’s not going to be for a while,” Louis teased. 

“How will I ever survive,” Harry shot right back. 

“Okay, I really do need to get him going. If we go now, we can get him checked into VIP where he should be able to get some rest before the flight.”

Louis scrunched his nose. He hadn’t realised the timing was so tight that he’d have to go right back to the airport, but he supposed it made sense. 

“Alright.” Louis clapped his hands and checked his pockets. He didn’t bring much in with him, but he still felt like he was forgetting something. “Have fun celebrating, H. Have a drink for me.”

“Of course,” Harry said, smiling and waving.

As Louis walked down the hall beside Mark, he heard someone say, “I like your boyfriend, Harry.”

Louis definitely didn’t even try holding back his smile when he heard Harry respond, “I do too.”

*~~***~~*

_ Louis: You didn’t answer the guy’s calls and then you hung up on the wanker after lying to him like seventeen times _ _   
_ _ Louis: Incredibly unprofessional, Harold _ _   
_ __ Louis: Also it was very rude of you to make me think I had a chance to see you today when you told the knobhead that you were in London only to find out from Mark you’re filming with James in LA. Betrayed by two friends at once. I don’t even have words for you right now

Louis finished sending his messages and then smiled and looked around. He was about to finish up a photoshoot before running off to another interview and then a final rehearsal with his band for the X Factor on Saturday, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have some fun chewing Harry out. He wouldn’t have had time to see him even if he had been in London, but after he’d heard about the shitshow of an interview with some guy in Australia followed by his dangling from various cords above an intersection in Los Angeles, Louis couldn’t help it. Only Harry would find himself in these situations.

“Okay, just a few more poses, Louis. Thank you so much.”

Louis did what he needed to finish the photoshoot and soon enough was bundled in a car on his way to another interview. He couldn’t remember who this one was for, but it was another pre-recorded one that would come out later. That was fine with him, he always preferred the pre-recorded ones. They felt safer somehow.

“Your ‘boyfriend’ has been blowing up your phone,” Oli complained as he handed Louis’ phone back to him.

“Isn’t that what good boyfriends are supposed to do?” Louis asked, shoving Oli’s shoulder. “Not that you would know. You’re a shit boyfriend.”

“Oi! How would you know?” 

“I’m with you basically twenty-four seven, mate.” Louis smiled at the look of indignation that was on Oli’s face. “Can’t hide much from me. Have you ever even sent a girl flowers?” 

Oli scrunched his nose and Louis laughed. That’s what he thought.

“If you like sending flowers so much, maybe you should send some to Harry.”

“Maybe I will,” Louis shot back. He wasn’t going to, not right now, but maybe he would later. That would likely go over well and could be something they have someone post about to be subtle regarding their supposed sappiness. 

Once they were in the car, Louis unlocked his phone to harass Harry some more. He was having far too much fun with it, even if Harry was too busy to respond at the moment. Just as he was opening his chat with Harry, Louis got an alert that he had been tagged by HSHQ on Instagram.

Louis hadn’t even realised he followed that account or had them on the list of accounts to get notifications for, but it was likely something Jess had arranged when this entire thing started. 

Clicking on the alert, Louis couldn’t help but be a mixture of embarrassed and pleased. It was a photo of him and Harry laying down on the couch. It looked like Harry was also napping, but Louis had his face pillowed on Harry’s chest and Harry’s hand in his hair. It was soft and intimate and exactly what they were meant to be portraying. Why were they posting it today though?

_ HSHQ: Just a quick #TBT to when Harry did double duty at SNL! With his amazing performances of Lights Up and Watermelon Sugar, who’s excited for tickets to #LoveonTour? General Sale starts tomorrow and don’t forget the new dates that go on sale next week. Details provided in the link in our bio. _

Louis snorted. That was smooth, actually. Before Louis could go back to his conversation with Harry, Mark drew him back into a conversation about business, and Louis knew Harry could wait until later. 

*~~***~~*

“Louis, you’re so adorable! Look at you here!”

Louis turned around and had to pull back. Phoebe was holding her phone far too close to his face and the brightness was ridiculously high for the fairly low lighting in his dressing room. When he was finally able to focus on the screen, he saw a photo of himself at SNL that he didn't remember being taken. 

He was sitting beside Adam, who was laughing while Louis watched on fondly. He knew it was while he’d been with the band backstage at SNL, but he didn’t realise they were posting the photo tonight. It looked like it was posted to the band’s Instagram stories with the caption, “Good luck to our second favorite singer!”

“You’re a better actor than I thought,” Phoebe teased. 

“Oi! Don’t be rude, now!” Louis cried, shoving her shoulder gently and causing her to giggle. He threw himself down beside Lottie on the couch instead. 

She was on her own Instagram stories, which were never fully safe from her love of filters, but at least she wasn’t attacking his abilities. 

“Oh, that’s nice,” Louis said, smiling widely at the ridiculously long and pointed nose the filter had given her. 

Softly giggling, Lottie turned the phone towards Louis so he saw his own face with it. It was hideous, to be honest, but he went with it and threw up a few fingers and played it up for her until she stopped the recording and posted it.

“You must be in a good mood if you let me use a filter on you,” Lottie commented before leaning back and looking at Louis. “You ready for tonight?”

“Yeah, course,” Louis said, smiling. “Have my family here, and it was far more nerve wracking coming here and coaching, I think. Feel a lot more relaxed knowing it’s only my fate in my hands.”

Louis looked around the room and was pleased to see his grandad chatting easily with his dad and Daisy. It was nice having the family come together for him when they were able to. It made everything feel more real while also keeping a bit more perspective than he often felt like he had with the band. He didn’t get to spend nearly as much time with his family as he’d like, and having them around for these moments always grounded him, helped him keep things in perspective. It had always been important to him to remember where he came from. He really didn’t want to become just another industry wanker like so many he had met over the years.

“Where’s Harry? Wasn’t he supposed to be here by now?”

Lottie’s question broke Louis from his reverie, and he realised it was almost time for him to get his hair and makeup done. 

“Yeah, but I’m sure everything’s fine,” Louis said, glancing down at his phone. There weren’t any messages waiting for him or missed calls, so he just shrugged and looked back at Lottie. “He’ll get here when he’s able to get here.”

Once Louis was shuffled to another room that was smaller and far quieter to get ready, Louis felt his nerves ramp up a little. He was ready, he knew he was, but nerves always kicked in last minute. Louis closed his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing while John did what was necessary to his hair, but he jumped about a mile high when the door nearly crashed open.

“Sorry! Sorry, it opened easier than I thought it would.”

Louis chuckled and looked over his shoulder to find Harry standing in the doorway, trying to close the door slowly and quietly. He looked frazzled at best, and Louis wondered what exactly had happened to him.

“Well aren’t you a sight,” Louis teased before turning around so John could continue working.

“I’m always a sight, thank you,” Harry said, sounding a bit haughty. That didn’t stop him from moving towards the mirror so he could try to tame his hair, though. “Getting out of the airport was a mess and then there were crowds of fans by the private entrances here and I didn’t want to make a big deal and let people know I was here until after the fact, but I couldn’t text you because my phone died on the flight and I lost my car charger and—”

“Calm down, lad,” Louis interrupted gently. “No one’s quizzing you. I knew you’d get here when you could, and you did. Sorry it was such a to do, though.”

Their eyes met in the mirror and Louis could see the indent of a dimple in Harry’s left cheek before John had him close his eyes.

“Yeah. Sorry, still. Ready to debut the new song?”

Louis took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yeah. Technically I debuted it in Madrid, so I’m feeling pretty confident, but it’s always different in front of a home crowd and all that.”

Harry didn’t respond, but there was a sudden flash and Louis furrowed his brow before John said, “Yes, you can look,” sounding exasperated. 

When Louis cracked his eyes open, Harry was smiling widely at Louis before paying attention to where he was typing on Louis’ phone. How he even got into it was a mystery.

“What exactly was that?” Louis asked as John pulled out the setting spray. 

“That was a flash that I didn’t know was turned on going off when I took a picture of my adorable boyfriend.”

“I’m not adorable,” Louis argued. “And what are your plans for that photo?”

“Of course not,” Harry agreed quickly as he put the phone back onto the counter where it had been sitting before. “You’re very rugged and manly. And I just texted it to myself, but I also may have loaded it into your LTHQ stories.”

Louis gasped. “Who gave you permission to mess with my social media?” 

“Everyone when we signed the contract to be boyfriends,” Harry teased. “Come on, the fans are going to love the behind the scenes look at you getting ready.”

Louis stuck his tongue out at him just as John gave him the all clear and an assistant knocked on the door.

“Guess it’s time,” Louis said, rolling his neck and bouncing a little. He needed to get his nerves out somehow, and physically moving around had always helped before.

Harry followed him out and shook hands with the other band members who met Louis as he got his in-ears and microphone pack.

“You’ve got this,” Harry said, leaning in and giving Louis a kiss on the cheek.

Louis winked and turned his focus to the show so he wouldn’t miss his cue to start.

*~~***~~*

“Oh my God, Harry,” Daisy laughed as she punched Harry in the arm. 

“What?” Harry asked, all faux innocence.

Louis leaned over to see what Daisy was laughing at. They’d just taken two family photos and they had all agreed for the first one they’d hold up their middle fingers and for the second it would be a nice, genuine family photo.

Harry, of course, could not follow instructions. For the first photo, he was holding up a peace sign, which was fine enough. There were likely still people out there who refused to believe he’d ever flip someone off, so the peace sign seemed relatively safe, really. The second photo made Louis burst out laughing, though. While the rest of the family were posed and looking lovely, Harry was as well, but with his middle finger blatantly held out.

“He ruined the photo!” Phoebe whined, pouting. 

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Louis said, pulling Harry into him. His family knew it was all a ruse, but they were still in public and it was expected for them to be fairly tactile to keep it all up. “I think it gives it  _ just _ the Tommo character we expect from any family photo.”

Rolling her eyes, Daisy went back to her phone, and Louis assumed the girls would all have the photos posted to their Instagram accounts soon enough.

“You hanging in alright?” Louis asked, turning to Harry. 

Harry was dead on his feet, and Louis could tell just by looking at him. It was mostly due to the fact that he’d had a ridiculously long day of traveling followed by a late night at the X Factor with Louis, but in just a couple of days he would be flying off to Germany and France to surprise his own fans at the listening parties for his album there.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Harry said before trying to hide a yawn. 

“Yeah, sure you are.” Louis checked his watch. Their dinner was almost over, and then he could get Harry home. “Did someone take your stuff home at least so you can just get there and sleep?”

Harry nodded, giving Louis a soft smile before he looked a bit more alert again. “Oh, did you get the email earlier today from our teams?”

Louis shook his head. “I’ve not had time to check my email and Mark had me running about before X Factor, so there wasn’t really time for it anyway. Why?”

Rolling his eyes, Harry murmured into Louis’ ear, “They said the next step is having us kiss in public. Something about needing to have an increase of the physical affection.”

Louis pulled back and gave Harry a shrewd look. “Isn’t that what we’re doing now? Getting all cuddly in front of my family at a restaurant?”

“This isn’t what they mean and you know it,” Harry said, arching his brows. He never had been able to do just one. “I’m talking where they have stalkers ready to get the proof on their phones and spread it around and shit.”

“They have another thing coming if they think we’re going to go out there and do some shit like Camila and Shawn did,” Louis said flatly. “That was disgusting and fake and I refuse.”

“Of course not.” Harry almost sounded offended. “We would never make it look so bad as they did.”

Louis snorted. “True. Okay, listen, I can give you a ride back and we can talk then, yeah?”

Harry sighed and scooted even closer to Louis. Louis wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders and pulled him into him. Harry immediately tucked his head into the crook of Louis’ neck and shoulders.

“Thanks, Lou.”

Louis pressed a quick kiss to the top of Harry’s head. “Of course, love.”

The rest of the meal with Louis’ family went well and soon enough half his family was heading back to his house whilst the others went to their own places. Meanwhile, Louis climbed into a car with Harry and made sure the divider was up. He hated having to utilise the privacy panel, it made him feel like some ridiculous and stuck up celebrity, but some cases required it. Like now.

“Okay, so what were you thinking with the kiss? What did the  _ teams _ have in mind for the kiss?”

Louis hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since it had been mentioned earlier. It had been sitting in the back of his mind while he chatted with his dad, sisters, everyone. He wouldn’t be able to feel settled until he and Harry had talked this out a bit more.

Harry leaned into Louis, but let his head fall back as he closed his eyes. “They want it to be a supposedly natural setting,” Harry said with a snort. “I figure we could make it just somewhere we wanna go, but also it doesn’t need to be some ridiculous and in depth thing like the one you talked about earlier.”

Louis laughed as Harry visibly shuddered. “Yeah, alright. So like just a quick peck on the lips or whatever?”

“Yeah,” Harry said, yawning widely. “People don’t just snog on the street. That’s stupid. A quick kiss? Sure.”

“That’s true,” Louis agreed. “They’d be okay with it being just a quick thing?”

“They’d have to be if that’s all we gave them,” Harry said before yawning again.

That one caught Louis and made him yawn as well. He smacked Harry on the shoulder. “Rude, stop making me yawn too. You know they’re contagious.”

“Can’t help it,” Harry whined. “Also, do you think they’re gonna be pissed that I didn’t do the live videos like I was supposed to since my phone was still charging when you performed?”

Louis shrugged. “I think the family photos will make up for it.”

Harry nodded and then laid down on the seat, his head in Louis’ lap. “I’m glad this is with you, Lou,” Harry mumbled. “I was so nervous about coming out, but having you with me has made it feel so much less scary.”

“Yeah.” Louis had to agree. He hadn’t expected to come out like this or right now, but he had to agree that it was making it all far less daunting than it would have been if it were all on his shoulders. “Go ahead and sleep. I’ll let you know when we get to your house.”


	2. Chapter 2

The end of November and the first two weeks of December flew by for Louis. He’s so busy with various gigs and promo that he barely remembers he and Harry are supposed to be dating except that various interactions that the two of them supposedly have over social media continue to get mentioned to him.

Apparently a radio station was trying to put Harry’s fans against Louis’ to have them vote for either  _ We Made It _ or  _ Lights Up _ only to have Harry’s Twitter account voting for Louis and Louis’ Twitter voting for Harry’s. The fans loved that. There were a few other examples, but Louis just trusted his team to do what needed to be done while he and Harry flew here and there for their respective responsibilities. It all seemed to be going well enough, anyway.

By the time Harry’s album release date came around, Louis was stepping off the plane, happy to be back home in London, and he’d been streaming the album on Spotify the entire flight. Harry had really outdone himself this time. 

Louis had a rather uneventful ride home and was just saying hello to Clifford when his phone rang.

Seeing it was Mark, Louis rolled his eyes and answered. “Yeah? Can’t I have one night of rest before you bother me again?”

“As if I don’t want a break either, fuck off,” Mark said, before laughing. “We’re going to continue the interactions with Harry on social media as we’re able, but don’t forget you’re meant to be seen shopping with Gemma tomorrow.”

“Fuck,” Louis swore. He wanted to sleep for the next ten years, not be forced to go out shopping. “Does it have to be tomorrow?”

“Yes, we’ve already arranged for you to be seen at the locations specified in the email I sent you last week.”

Louis was sure the email was still sitting unread in his inbox. He hadn’t wanted to think past his performances. He knew there was still more work to do— it was never truly done when it was promo season— but he hadn’t realised it started the day after he returned to London.

“Yeah, alright. I’ll text her now and make sure we’re good. Thanks for the reminder.”

“Yeah. Now get some sleep, okay?”

Louis laughed. “Yeah, thanks.” Once he’d hung up, he looked back at Clifford who was sitting half on top of Louis right there in his front hallway. “Well, boyo, what do you think about taking this upstairs?”

Deciding he could deal with his bags tomorrow, Louis started upstairs and laughed when Clifford forced his way past him and ran into Louis’ room. Louis may have been gone for a few weeks leaving his dog in Lottie’s care, but it was obvious Clifford still knew exactly what Louis liked.

Louis threw his rucksack onto the chair in the corner of his room and stripped out of his clothes, leaving them on the floor. He was too knackered to bother with showering tonight either, so he just climbed into bed beside Cliff and sighed at the comfort of being home after a while away. 

The issue was he couldn’t sleep. It had been past midnight when he’d thought about texting Gemma again, so he wasn’t going to worry her with a message now. He’d talk with her in the morning. But now it was near four in the morning and after hours of tossing and turning to the point that even Clifford got off the bed, Louis was about to give up. 

Louis picked up his phone and jumped on Twitter. Maybe something interesting was happening there until he felt tired enough to sleep. Damn jet lag. 

The first thing that came up on Louis’ feed was a fan talking about a livestream link that finally worked.

Curious, Louis clicked on it and his mouth actually dropped open when he realised someone was doing a livestream of Harry’s show at the Forum, and it was just starting. Smiling, Louis made himself comfortable and got ready to watch the show. 

His eyes were starting to droop about half an hour into it, the hours spent awake finally catching up to him, but then Clifford jumped up onto the bed causing Louis to fumble his phone and drop it onto the bed in the jostle. Once he finally found it in the duvet, Louis picked it up and saw the comments were all saying one thing on repeat: his name.

“The fuck have you done, lad?” Louis muttered at Clifford even as he gave him a quick rub on the head. Once Louis scrolled back far enough, he saw that when he’d fumbled his phone, it had caused Louis to comment, allowing the others on the livestream with him to see that he was watching. Ahh.

Louis didn’t know what more to do at that point, so he just gave a little thumbs up emoji, left a heart, and then logged out. He was finally falling asleep anyway, and if people knew he was watching and wasn’t going to answer questions, then he might as well just get the rest he needed so badly.

Oh well. Mark would hopefully like that unintentional development once he discovered in the morning as well.

*~~***~~*

“You look like shit.”

“Gemma, I love getting together with you,” Louis said, offering her a fake smile and giving her a hug. “It’s been so long, you look lovely with your hair dark again! I haven’t seen you with Lottie as much as I used to, you two moving in different influencer circles these days?”

“Fuck off,” Gemma laughed. “You’re always fit and you know it, but you look like you could sleep for the next three years. How are you going to handle tour?”

Louis sighed. “I would love to sleep for the next three years. I’ll handle tour better, I swear. Half of the issue with these shows is that it isn’t my thing, you know? I just show up and am at the mercy of others. It’ll be different and better when it’s my own thing. And when I’m not doing as much active promo for the album as I’ve been doing too.”

“Yeah, just be careful.” Gemma’s eyes had concern in them, and it made Louis smile. They hadn’t talked in a long while, but it still felt like he’d been hanging out with her backstage on tour a month or two ago rather than four, almost five, years ago. “Harry had a hard time with his first one without you guys. I don’t want you overdoing it.”

“Yeah, we’ve talked about that a little bit. He’s given me some pointers already,” Louis admitted. “It’ll be a weird adjustment, but I’ll be fine. Really.”

“You better,” Gemma said, watching Louis shrewdly. “Okay, so I’m assuming you didn’t pay attention to where we’ve gotta be when, right?”

“Does no one have faith in me?” Louis asked, his hand to his heart. 

“I know you, Louis Tomlinson. You pay attention to details when you need to, but I know how you feel about this kind of thing. I’m impressed you met me at the right time.”

“Yeah, alright,” Louis said, looking around. “Do we have actual time for shopping or are we just walking from place to place to be seen?”

“A bit of both, really,” Gemma said, scrolling on her phone. “We’re starting with shopping though, so we’re at least holding some bags.”

“Good idea. Let’s go.”

By the end of their allotted time before the first meet up with fans, Louis had got gifts for two of the three older girls completely finished and he was pleased. Gemma was a great help with all of them, and her company was just as relaxed and fun as he remembered it being. He was glad they had the excuse to hang out, even if it was to perpetuate the idea of a relationship he supposedly had with her brother.

“Oh, look! There’s Lottie and Harry.”

“What?” Louis looked towards Gemma and saw her waving her phone around. “Looks like they’re about to start on their own version of what we’re doing today. Sibling day, I guess.”

Louis furrowed his brows. He knew that Lottie was in LA for… well for something. He couldn’t remember specifically what it was outside of something to do with her influencer things, but they had been disappointed to learn that they’d miss each other in the city by a matter of days. He did  _ not _ remember hearing anything about her getting together with Harry though.

“So are ours posting first or theirs?” Louis asked. He couldn’t wait until they got to the Starbucks where they were meant to see the first group. He could really use some caffeine after his lack of sleep the night before.

“Theirs since they won’t be in LA as long, but they could date ours as whenever they wanted.” 

Gemma was quiet, but Louis could  _ feel _ her smirk in the air surrounding them. When they stopped at a street crossing, Louis looked over and sure enough, she had laughter in her eyes.

“What?” Louis asked, already rolling his eyes. 

“You really don’t pay attention to any of this stuff, do you?” Gemma asked, giggling a little. “Harry said you didn’t, that you hardly knew when the two of you would be getting together for something, but I didn’t think it was as bad as he said until now.”

Louis shrugged and started making his way across the street. “I’ve got like a million people to help make sure I get where I need to be when I need to be there. I pay attention to my actual job, but this isn’t a part of that. I just don’t hold it in as high of regard as others, so yeah. I don’t pay close attention. Sue me.”

“Oh calm down, I’m not attacking you. Just laughing. For being such a control freak, you know surprisingly little about all of this.”

Louis gasped. “I am  _ not _ a control freak!”

Gemma opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, she stopped and smiled. “Okay, well, we’re here and it looks like they’ve already got the place staked out. You ready?”

“God,” Louis groaned. “Yeah, let’s just get this over with.”

It wasn’t that Louis didn’t enjoy fan service. He did, but these kinds of set ups through his label or management were so fake and contrived, it felt far too forced for him. He also felt like he could never tell if they were actually fans of his or not, but so be it. He’d act as if they were and hope for the best.

Louis held the door open for Gemma and they walked over to get in line, waiting for the fans to approach, like he usually did. They were nice enough to wait until the two of them had placed their orders, but he could see they were already taking photos, so he made sure to make it apparent that he and Gemma were familiar and close with each other. 

No sooner had he paid for his and Gemma’s drinks and moved to the end of the counter, the two of them were surrounded.

“Louis! Hi!” one of them said, over enthusiastically. “Do you think we could get a picture? Maybe with both of you? My friends will never believe we saw you here.”

Louis did his best to keep his smile sincere as he pretended to get Gemma’s permission before nodding along and getting ready to pose with the girl. He made sure to put his arm around Gemma’s waist so he’d have her on one side of him and the fan on his other. They smiled for photo after photo for the five fans that were there and then he signed a few random things they had prepared for him. Finally, their names were called and they grabbed the drinks, bidding the fans farewell, and practically running from the coffee shop.

“They sure were peppy,” Gemma said with a chuckle. “It’s been a while since I’ve encountered any that were quite that energetic.”

Louis hummed along and then looked at his phone. “Okay, when are we meant to meet the next group?”

“In around thirty minutes, but don’t worry. I’ve got a surprise for you waiting there, so let’s head over now.”

Louis looked at Gemma sceptically. “Am I going to like this surprise?”

“Of course you are,” Gemma said, grabbing his arm and dragging him down the street. “Come on. Coffee can only hold me over so long anyway. I need  _ food.”  _

“Ooh, food I can agree with. I forgot one of the places was a restaurant.”

When they got close enough for Louis to guess their destination, it became clear based on the person he saw waiting by the front door as she talked on the phone.

“Anne? Oh my God, it’s been so long!”

Anne turned towards them fully once she heard Louis’ voice and flashed her bright smile. She quickly ended her call and then pulled Louis in for a long, tight hug, bags in Louis’ hands notwithstanding.

“Oh, my darling boy. I’ve missed you so much.”

Louis took a deep breath and was pleased that she smelled of the same perfume he remembered her always using before. 

“I’ve missed you too. I’m so glad you could join us!”

Louis finally pulled away and Anne just stood and took him in for a moment. 

“You look tired.”

“Oh not you too,” Louis groaned, pulling away fully as Gemma cackled loudly. “I only got in late last night from America, alright? Get off my arse already.”

Anne smiled at the cheek even as she still studied his face. “Other than being tired, are you taking care of yourself? I worry about you, love.”

Louis tried not to get choked up as he nodded and looked down at his feet. It felt like ages since he’d felt motherly concern like she was offering. In a way, he supposed it was.

“Not as well as you or Mum would like, I’m sure, but I’m doing my best. For all of us.”

Anne wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him into her side before reaching for the door. “I’m sure you are. Come on, love, let’s get some food in you and catch up a bit more.”

The fans didn’t arrive until their meal was almost finished, which was just fine with Louis. They’d had fun taking photos together to post to social media later and the group they met there felt far less demanding than the earlier group. 

Once the few signatures were out of the way, he turned back to Anne. “I wish we had more time together, but unfortunately I do think it’s almost time for us to head to the next meet up.” 

Gemma had cajoled him enough during the meal he had finally pulled up the email from Mark with the details and learned they only had one more fan meet up left, but it was coming up soon.

“Oh, well I’m coming with you, didn’t Gemma tell you?”

Louis looked over at Gemma who paused her texting to give him a quick smile. “She did not, but that’s about par for the course today.”

Anne cooed and patted his cheek before flagging the waiter for their bill. As they were paying, she spoke up again.

“Oh, Louis, I meant to ask earlier. Is there anything in particular you’d like us to have for Boxing Day?”

God, Louis had nearly forgotten about Boxing Day. He’d have his birthday and Christmas with his family, but Boxing Day he’d head over to Anne’s to spend time with Harry and his family. Harry, for his own part, would be with Louis’ family for part of Christmas Eve, which was fine by Louis. It would be nice to have him there for his birthday celebrations at the very least.

“Honestly, I haven’t thought about it at all,” Louis admitted, wincing. “I’ll definitely text you if I think of anything, though.”

Louis and Gemma gathered their shopping bags and headed out towards the next spot. The last stop was actually a store where they could do more shopping, so as they looked around, the fans found them. Louis smiled as easily as he could and was relieved when his responsibilities for the day were done.

“Alright, love. I think it’s time for you to get home and rest.”

Louis smiled at Anne and pulled her into him. “Thanks. I agree. It really was nice seeing you, again!”

As they hugged, Anne rocked him a little and said, “Don’t forget to text me your food requests.”

“I won’t,” Louis said with a chuckle. He pulled Gemma in for a hug as well and then headed home.

*~~***~~*

“You’ve put this off long enough, Louis. It’s New Year’s, you’re spending it with Harry, and we need a public kiss! We haven’t got one out of you two yet, and what better excuse do you have than the New Year?”

Louis rolled his eyes even though Mark couldn’t see him. He didn’t know why he was pushing back on this so hard. He knew Mark was right. He’d even talked with Harry about it back in November, but they’d been so busy and spent so little time together that wasn’t just shown to the world through various photos posted by family that they hadn’t really had a chance. 

Plus, Louis was a little afraid that once they went there and kissed publicly once it might be expected of them more. That was his experience with his promo relationships in the past, and he didn’t want to have to worry about that. He and Harry were basically naturals with this whole fake dating thing, and he didn’t want to have to worry about adding more physicality to it right before their lives got especially crazy with the preparation for tour coming over the next few months. Not to mention tour itself.

“Why is this such a big deal?” Louis asked, scrubbing his face. “We just did the biggest holiday of the year with each others’ families and you said yourself that went off perfectly. Why won’t just being at the party together be enough?”

“Because, Louis. You two have effectively come out, but it was a soft coming out. A public kiss will leave no questions for anyone and you’ll officially, fully be out.”

Louis scoffed. “There will still be people who blow it off as a kiss between friends or whatever. You’ve seen that happen before. People explain away this kind of shit all the time.”

“So don’t make it a friendly kiss,” Mark said, far too much attitude for Louis’ liking leaking into his voice. “That’s what I’m saying, Louis. If you aren’t going to come out with an official statement, then your actions have to do the speaking for you. So, act!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis said with a sigh. “I’ll see what we can do.”

“Yeah, well make sure that what you can do is a very much not friendly kiss.”

Louis said a quick, loud, “Yeah, okay, bye!” and then hung up. He still needed to get dressed, anyway, and they were meant to be at the party in just a couple of hours. 

“Lou?”

Louis froze, his hands in his hair, and went rushing to the top of the stairs. “Harry? What are you doing here already?”

Harry looked incredible. He was in his preferred high-waisted trousers and heeled boots, but the shirt he was wearing hugged him perfectly and was slightly sheer. His curls were also on full display and looked soft, just how Louis loved them.

“I was done early and you always have a hard time deciding what to wear, so I figured I’d come over and help you out so we won’t be too late to the party.”

“Oh, thank fuck,” Louis said, not even waiting for Harry to finish taking off his boots before he turned toward his bedroom. “You’re practically psychic.”

“I know,” Harry said with a chuckle. 

Louis went back to his closet where he’d been debating the merits of various top and trouser combinations before Mark had so rudely interrupted with his phone call. 

Making an executive decision on the trousers he’d wear, Louis whipped off his joggers and focused on pulling up the trousers that were more snug around his midsection than he remembered them being when he bought them a month ago. 

When he heard Harry pad into his room, Louis blurted out, “Mark wants us to give a good, public snog tonight that leaves people with zero questions about our sexualities.”

Harry snorted. “That’s going to be quite the snog. How exactly is one snog going to convince people who only see what they want to see??”

Louis shrugged. “No idea. But apparently we need to at least remove the possibility of either of us being straight with a very much not friendly kiss at midnight.”

“And we’ll ensure people get this filmed or at least photographed how?” Harry asked as he rifled through Louis’ top options.

Louis looked at Harry as if he were insane. Maybe he was. It was his own friends’ party and yet Louis was having to remind him of their own behaviours? 

“It’s a party hosted by Rita, Grimmy, and Mesh, isn’t it? You  _ know _ there will be people filming  _ everywhere _ at midnight. It’ll just be a matter of making sure we’re somewhere near Pixie or Aimee and we’ll be basically guaranteed to be filmed.”

“Okay, yeah. Fair. Wear this one.” 

Harry held out a shirt that Louis had bought for himself during the Burberry Pride series, but hadn’t ever even taken the tags off, much less worn it. He hadn’t had the confidence or ability to, but he supposed Harry was right. He was able to now, and a few rainbows on his clothing would certainly help with the snog.

Louis looked down at the trousers he’d put on. Harry was right. They’d look amazing together. 

“Thanks,” Louis said quietly, taking the shirt and quickly ripping off the tag. 

“Don’t you dare ever do that in my presence again, Louis,” Harry said, wince still present on his face. “I can’t believe you didn’t bother to cut or otherwise safely remove the tag off a Burberry item. You’re the fashion snob of the two of us, and yet it’s me who has this issue?”

“Fuck off, it’s fine,” Louis said, rolling his eyes. Louis changed tops and then looked at himself in the mirror. Something definitely needed to be done with his hair, but he didn’t look half bad, if he dared to say so himself.

Once Louis leaned forward to get a better look at his hair and start messing with it a little, Harry cleared his throat. 

“So, uh, about that snog…”

“Yeah?” Louis asked, turning to look at him questioningly. “What about it?”

“Like… should we at least practice or try it once? We’ve supposedly been dating for months and we don’t want it to look like we don’t have a usual way to move into it or whatever.”

Louis narrowed his eyes. “Do you usually practice the kisses with your promotional relationships?”

Harry blushed. “No, and I know you don’t either, but we also generally don’t need to do more than short kisses with them. This is going to be different.”

“So what’s the difference here?” Louis asked, shrewdly before turning back to his hair. “Just have us agree on both of us turning our heads to the right or both to the left and we’ll be fine, no broken noses.”

Harry sighed and Louis knew he wasn’t going to get away with it that easily. 

“Oh, calm yourself, Harold. If you’re that nervous about it then we can practice snogging in the car and maybe you’ll be messed up enough that your friends will assume we’ve already got started before the party even began, does that sound alright to you?”

“Yes, thank you,” Harry said, sounding relieved. “I just… I’ve never had to snog in public or even around my friends like this before and I’m nervous. We need it to be convincing, you know?”

Louis smiled fondly at Harry through the mirror. “It’s fine. We’ll do a ridiculously cliched practice snog like we’re in a rom com or something and it’ll all turn out just fine. When’s the car to be here anyway?”

“Another twenty minutes. Better hurry with your hair.” Harry gave him a cheeky wink and left the room, so Louis tossed a pair of socks after him into the hall. Good thing Clifford was asleep, or Louis would have lost that pair forever and it was one of his favourites.

Louis finished his hair right as Harry called up that the car had arrived. Louis grabbed his socks from where he’d lobbed them into the hall, and rushed down to pull his shoes on and get his coat out. 

“Alright, I think I’ve got everything. Let’s go.”

They arranged themselves into the backseat of the car, and Harry greeted the driver as an old friend. After they’d chatted for a moment, the driver informed them that with traffic it looked like it would be at least an hour before they arrived at the party.

“That’s fine, thank you,” Louis said before settling in.

It didn’t take long for Harry to start fidgeting, though.

“Are you really this nervous about a snog at midnight when both of us are likely to be off our arses drunk?” Louis asked softly.

Harry rolled his eyes. “It’s like performing a scene. I don’t like going in blind.”

Louis unbuckled his seatbelt and slid closer to Harry. “Alright. Well, let’s go ahead and practice, then.”

Harry wasn’t moving, though, still staring out the window beside him, so Louis figured he had no choice. He reached out and placed his palm on Harry’s cheek, gently turning his head so he would at least  _ look _ at Louis. 

“There we are,” Louis said, quiet. 

Harry’s eyes glanced down at Louis’ mouth, and Louis couldn’t help but smile. He’d thought about this, once upon a time. What it would be like to kiss Harry. He’d even lingered on it back in the X Factor house, but it had been a very long time since then. They were far older, and Harry had grown into a man before his eyes. It seemed crazy that  _ now, _ after years of friendship and speculation about it, they were actually having their first kiss, and all because of a relationship entirely for the public to aid their respective coming outs and album sales, but there they were.

Harry’s eyes were boring into Louis’, but he still wasn’t moving of his own volition. 

“What, are you going to make me do all the work?” Louis teased, and only then did Harry dip down to finally press their lips together.

It was soft and tentative at first, the angle a little awkward, but Louis reciprocated. It certainly wasn’t the worst first kiss he’d ever experienced. They moved around a bit, learned what was more or less comfortable for them while keeping the kiss chaste, and it was like an exploration. Louis hadn’t felt like this with a kiss since he’d first started learning how with girls back in secondary school, but this was far more fun.

Harry’s lips were plush and a little wind chapped, but still soft. Louis let his hand wander to the back of Harry’s hair, and it was then that Harry sighed and parted his lips, flicking his tongue forward.

A zip of heat Louis hadn’t been expecting shot down his spine and, with a soft shudder, Louis pressed harder into the kiss. When Louis opened his own mouth, he could feel Harry whine more than he heard it, and the kiss turned even more heated. Harry’s hands were gripping at Louis and it was like he wanted him to hold on as tight as possible, leaving bruises behind for Louis to find later. It felt like they couldn’t get close enough as they continued to discover each other and their preferences together, because at this point all Louis really knew was that kissing Harry felt unlike kissing anyone else. It awoke nerve endings he didn’t even know existed before, and the surprise of that realisation was what finally caused Louis to pull back and break the kiss.

Harry’s eyes were still closed, but Louis’ weren’t and he allowed himself to study Harry’s face as they both panted in each other’s arms.

“So, yeah, I think we’ll be fine tonight,” Louis said, still breathless. 

Harry let out a quiet chuckle before leaning in for another quick kiss. Louis pressed back into it so when Harry went to break it, it lasted just a moment longer.  As they shifted apart, both firmly in their own seats, Louis buckled his seatbelt, wondering what it was about that kiss that made him feel so much more than he had with anyone else. 

Maybe it was because it had been so long since Louis had kissed someone, and even longer since it was someone he cared about. And, despite Harry’s reputation, he’d never thought further about his kissing abilities. He definitely never knew he could kiss like that. Some combination of their connection as mates, Harry’s above average skills, and Louis’ dry spell. That must be it. 

He glanced back at Harry, the man he was practically legally obligated to snog tonight.  Yeah, maybe he wouldn’t mind adding that aspect to their relationship. 

“Yeah, I think we’re good,” Harry said softly.

The rest of the drive was quiet and comfortable as they chatted about anything that came to mind. When they pulled up in front of the party, Louis was ready to get in and get drinking. It had been a long time since he’d had a good excuse to enjoy more than just a beer or two.

“We’re both under the same understanding, right?” Louis asked Harry as they walked up to the door. “We’re both planning to get absolutely pissed and enjoy ourselves, yeah?”

Harry rang the doorbell and pulled Louis in close to his chest. Louis’ hands automatically went up to Harry’s arms to help balance himself, and when he looked up, he realised they could easily kiss right then and there. 

“You better believe it,” Harry whispered. He leaned in and Louis started closing his eyes only to have the door open and squealing start to sound.

“Harryyyyyyy, it’s been ages!”

Louis pulled back from Harry and looked to see Rita, in one of her usual small dresses and a bright purple wig, bouncing in four inch heels with her arms out waiting for a hug.

“You too, Louis, but Harry’s my boy. You know how it is.”

Louis laughed and nodded as Harry leaned into Rita for a tight hug. “Of course, of course.”

As soon as Rita let Harry go she held her arms out to Louis with an expectant look on her face. “Come on, now. I know we aren’t close, but we’re gonna be if you and Harry keep going like you are, yeah?”

Louis smirked and leaned in. Her perfume was a little too strong, but otherwise the hug wasn’t too awkward. 

“Love, I know you’ve probably been drinking for a while already, but it really is cold out, so it might be best if we come inside and close the door,” Louis said when Rita still wasn’t letting go.

“Oh, fuck,” Rita said before standing aside so they could finally join the party. “Yeah! Course!”

They took their coats off and by the time Louis turned around again, Rita was gone once more.

“So, you haven’t told anyone here?” Louis asked quietly. 

He was of the understanding that Harry’s closest circle of friends knew and had likely told others they trusted. He didn’t think they’d be putting on too much of a show tonight, but perhaps the way Harry had held him at the door should have told him otherwise.

Harry shrugged. “Grim knows, but he’s about it.”

“Well, I guess that we better give everyone a good show, then.”

Midnight came sooner than Louis expected. The party ended up being far more fun than he had anticipated and between the good company, the alcohol, and Harry’s constant presence by his side, Louis was having a great time. He knew the two of them had already featured on at least a couple of Instagram stories, but as everyone shouted the countdown was starting, Louis turned to Harry.

“Are we where we need to be?” he shouted in Harry’s ear.

Harry glanced around and nodded, pulling Louis in closer. “Five!”

“Four!” Louis cheered, a little over-enthusiastic as he fell into Harry’s chest. 

They righted themselves and Harry pulled himself together enough to say, “One,” before the rest of the party yelled, “Happy New Year!” 

As the music rose to deafening heights and some champagne was sprayed, Louis leaned in and enthusiastically met Harry’s lips with his own. Harry tasted like the strawberry margarita he’d been drinking all night, and even though Louis didn’t usually like that drink, it tasted amazing on him. 

Harry didn’t seem to disagree, because he pulled Louis in even closer and let his hand slip beneath Louis’ shirt. Goosebumps covered Louis’ body and he craved more of Harry in a way he never had before. His hands moved up Harry’s shoulders before one hand went to Harry’s hair, the other gently stroking his jaw. Louis had always loved Harry’s jawline. It was so defined but also so soft. With the light dusting of scruff on it, it was a wonderful feeling to have it pricking his fingertips at the same time it made his lips feel swollen and raw.

Someone bumped into them, causing Louis to lose his balance a little and when he tightened his hand on Harry’s hair, Harry moaned into his mouth, causing arousal to surge through him in a way he hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

Before Louis could do anything reckless, like shoving his thigh between Harry’s legs or starting to hump him right there in the middle of his friends, some loud cheering started and caused Louis to pull back and see what had everyone’s attention.

“Oh come on,” Harry said, his voice sounding rough just from the kiss. Louis couldn’t help but flush at the knowledge that he’d caused that.

He blushed even harder though when he realised that the catcalls were because of them. There were any number of phones facing them and Louis quickly turned and tucked his face into Harry’s neck.

“Oh my God!” Grimmy yelled. “Harry made the always loud Tomlinson shy! Look at that!”

Louis held up a middle finger in Grimmy’s general direction, but also couldn’t help but laugh. It was true, he didn’t usually care about attention being on him. But then again, he also didn’t usually have attention on him because he’d been snogging one of his best mates in the middle of a party.

“Happy fucking New Year!” Louis yelled once he felt ready to. 

That set off another round of cheers and the music went back to the style that had been playing before the countdown.

“Now that wasn’t so bad,” Harry said into Louis’ ear.

“Not at all,” Louis agreed. He did notice his buzz was also starting to wear off now, and that just wouldn’t do. “I do think it’s time for some shots, though.”

“Hell yes,” Harry said before grabbing Louis’ hand and dragging him to the kitchen.

Overall, it wasn’t such a bad New Year’s celebration.

*~~***~~*

“Listen. Louis.” Mark’s voice sounded weary, which Louis was sure was because Mark was getting tired of fighting Louis about this. They’d already been talking for about twenty minutes. “Between your kiss going viral, both  _ We Made It  _ and  _ Don’t Let It Break Your Heart _ charting in the top 40 in America, and your album release coming in two weeks, I’m telling you that we really should take advantage of this and schedule more interviews. People want you on to not just perform but also talk to them, which is something you haven’t had the luxury of before.”

“I know, but we’ve already booked all the shows we had talked about as our big goals. The ones we know will stick to focusing on the music and not make Harry the entire interview.” 

The past two weeks had been insane with loads of publications contacting his team about an official coming out statement and interview, but that wasn’t what Louis wanted. The whole purpose of doing this with Harry now was to just use the excitement and channel it towards his music and allow his actions to speak for the rest.

“Louis. I know. But these are the kinds of people where if they reach out and show interest in having you, you don’t turn them down. They can help you reach a level with this album that wasn’t even on our radar initially, and as your manager I cannot let you say no.”

“Then what was the point of this phone call if I don’t actually have a choice about this?” Louis asked, flinging himself back onto the couch. He’d just woken up and was excited about a morning to himself eating some cereal like a normal human being when his phone rang with this call. He wasn’t exactly pleased to have his relaxation ruined.

“Well,” Mark paused. “I had hoped you’d be more excited than you are, but it’s also a warning. That things are going to be a bit more busy than you expected and that some of these might be able to be wrangled around your tour dates, but I won’t be able to do that entirely. Some are going to help us more in the long run if we strike while the iron’s hot, and that’s now.”

“Yeah,” Louis said, rubbing his forehead. “I know. It’s just crazy. I thought with the music I’m releasing that I might be able to work something decent, but I didn’t think it would get the kind of attention it is, is all.”

“I know. But it is, so we’ve got to roll with it. This isn’t anything new for you, not entirely, so just remember what it was like when you were in the band and get used to the idea that while you aren’t at those levels, that you are absolutely going to do well with this and it’s just a matter of how well.”

Louis let out a long breath through his nose. “Yeah. Alright. Thanks, Mark.”

“You’re welcome. Enjoy the rest of your morning off. I’ll see you this afternoon.”

They hung up and Louis kept his eyes closed. He was surprised to find that he was a little overwhelmed by the prospect of all of this. Not scared, per se, but he truly hadn’t expected this level of excitement for the album. He truly didn’t know how to handle it, not on his own. When he’d felt like this before, he’d had four friends beside him. Well, four, then three. 

Realising that Harry might have felt something similar and would possibly have advice, Louis quickly thumbed to his contact and hit dial.

“Hey, good looking,” Harry’s voice drawled out.

“Oh my God, please don’t ever answer the phone like that again,” Louis said, laughing. “Especially not when I was hoping you could help me with something. Part of this is your fault anyway, so I’m really hoping you can help fix it.”

“That sounds ominous,” Harry teased, sounding more serious, but still not entirely so. “What’s going on?”

Once Louis had explained everything, Harry sounded far more excited than Louis felt.

“Shit, Lou, that’s amazing!” Harry enthused. Louis was glad he was happy for him, but he wasn’t giving any advice on how to handle it. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Yeah, it’s great, but like I didn’t expect this. What am I supposed to do?”

“Same thing as always. Just be yourself and let them fall even more in love with you.”

Louis rolled his eyes. Harry said it so matter of factly, but it wasn’t that simple. There was also talking getting louder on Harry’s side of the phone.

“Sorry, did I interrupt something?” Louis asked. He didn’t think Harry would answer if he was busy. He’d half expected to just leave a voicemail for him and that they’d talk later.

“No, no, you’re fine,” Harry rushed out. “I’ve got time, it’s not important.”

Louis hummed, not quite believing Harry, but he did need better advice than to just keep going or whatever it was Harry had spouted at him a moment ago.

“Okay. But Haz, seriously. How do you deal with this? Alone?”

“You don’t.” Harry went quiet for a moment, but Louis allowed him to gather his thoughts and stayed quiet. “I tried that and it didn’t go very well. It was hard, and when I finally realised that I still had people I could lean on, they just weren’t you and the lads anymore, things got a lot easier.”

Louis blew the air out of his mouth and said, “So, who? Like, my band? Because I like them and all, but we still aren’t completely close yet and—”

“Yeah, your band could become those people. But also you’ve got me.”

Louis opened his mouth to protest that he didn’t really have Harry in that way, but paused. Because of their supposed relationship, he kind of  _ did _ have Harry like that. 

“Would you really be willing to be that person for me?” Louis asked quietly. He wasn’t sure why this was what got him feeling vulnerable after everything, but it was and he was scared Harry would take back his offer.

“Of course I would.” Harry went quiet and they both sat in the knowledge that maybe they did have each other for more than just random photo opportunities and promo. 

“Thanks,” Louis whispered. Harry’s offer already had Louis feeling better and more at peace with everything he had discussed with Mark earlier. He felt less like he was lost at sea and more like he had that person to be tied to, anchored to.

Voices got louder on Harry’s end again and Harry talked to them for a moment before his own became clear again. “Okay, I really do have to go now, people are getting mad.”

“I  _ knew _ I was interrupting something,” Louis said, chuckling. “Have fun doing whatever it is you’re doing and I’m sure we’ll talk later.”

“Bye, Lou.”

When Louis hung up the phone this time, he felt worlds better and like his morning had just been given back to him. Pleased that Harry was able to help him do that, Louis stood back up and headed over to the kitchen. It was finally time to get some breakfast.

*~~***~~*

Louis’ album release went even better than he had imagined. Mark was right: they had to strike while the iron was hot, and they did. The numbers weren’t record breaking or anything, but Louis was so fucking proud of the fact the music he felt so passionate about— so comfortable in— was something that others were able to connect to as well. It soothed something within him that he hadn’t even realised he needed calmed.

Since then, Louis had felt a fizzing, nervous energy beneath his skin. It all had to do with tour, and he was beyond excited for it, but he was also worried he had bitten off more than he could chew. He hadn’t been sure he’d even sell enough tickets for the number of shows they had offered the fans, but as always they’d shown up for him in ways he didn’t think he would fully understand, but he appreciated all the same. 

“Alright, you ready to grab some lunch?”

When he heard Harry’s voice, Louis looked up from where he was studying their current version of the set list for the millionth time. He just wasn’t sure they’d got it right yet, and now was the time to ensure they did. They were still rehearsing small batches of the set together, so if they wanted to tweak it, it would be best to do so now before everything got really settled.

“Fuck, is it one already?” Louis checked his phone and saw it was actually twenty past. Looking up at Harry guiltily, he winced and said, “You’ve been waiting, haven’t you?”

Harry shrugged. “It’s fine. I had a really lovely conversation with Jeannie out front, but I was getting a little concerned we’d miss our chance entirely if I didn’t get you now.”

Louis nodded and patted John on the shoulder. “I’ll be back when I can, but I do think that switching  _ Don’t Let It  _ and  _ Walls _ might work better, so we can try that when I’m back.”

Grabbing his jacket, Louis rushed over to Harry and leaned up to press a quick kiss to his cheek. Harry smiled at him and grabbed his hand before leading him to the door. 

Once they were comfortable in the car, Harry said, “I was starting to think we might miss the fans if I let you go much longer, but I am sorry for interrupting you.”

“No, you’re right. It’s fine. I didn’t mean to lose track of time like that.” Louis took a deep breath and smiled at Harry, sitting beside him. “How are your own rehearsals going?”

Harry pursed his lips. “Alright. We just keep messing with different versions of the songs and then it makes the decision even harder as to which one we want to use, you know?”

“Yes!” Louis said, turning towards him. “We think we’ve got something really good, but then we have a new idea, and it changes the entire feel of the song, which means if we use that we have to completely rearrange the order of things so it fits better and…” Louis sighed. “Yeah. You get it.”

Harry smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I do. So, I hope you don’t mind, but I told everyone I’d try to be back by half two. In order to have any hope of being remotely on time, I called the restaurant and gave them our orders already, so hopefully it’ll be ready for us when we get there.”

“That depends,” Louis said, narrowing his eyes. “What did you order for me?”

“White lasagna, of course,” Harry said, eyes wide and innocent. “Why, was that a mistake?”

“I fucking hate you,” Louis said, swatting at Harry’s shoulder. “You got me that fancy version of the spag bol I like so much, didn’t you?”

“I did, yeah,” Harry said, dimple deep even as he tried holding back his smile. “But I also ordered their white lasagna for myself. You know how much I love it.”

Louis shook his head. “I don’t know why I put up with you sometimes.”

“Because you’re contractually obligated to?” Harry suggested. “Because I’ve got a very pretty face? Because you like the way my voice sounds when I’m moaning your name whilst getting off?”

“Fucking hell,” Louis said, leaning forward to cover Harry’s mouth. “The first two were close enough, thank you. Where’d you even come up with the last one?”

Louis’ cheeks were burning, and he was sure his blush had gone up to his ears and possibly his neck. He really hadn’t expected Harry to jump right to a sexual reference between the two of them.

“Sorry,” Harry said, looking anything but. “We were doing a lot of work with  _ Watermelon Sugar _ this morning, and someone brought up the fact I told Zane Lowe it’s all about oral sex.”

Louis about choked on his spit. He wasn’t a prude by any means, but this was  _ Harry.  _ He’d only just become accustomed to kissing him, much less in front of other people. He wasn’t ready to jump right to the idea of talking sex in conjunction with him, even though if they’d been in a relationship this long, they definitely would have.

“You said what?” Louis asked, his voice coming out squeaky. “When was this?”

“Oh, like, November I think? Maybe October. I can’t remember anymore. It’s fine,” Harry said, waving his hand. “But yeah, he said some people believed it’s about oral sex and I might have implied I just really enjoy pleasuring you to the extent that yes, I equate it with summer berries. There also might have been suggestions that I really like your belly.”

“Fuck,” Louis said, rubbing his hands on his face. “That far back? Harry, we hadn’t even kissed in public yet and you were out there essentially giving away information about our non-existent sex lives in a serious interview!”

Harry shrugged. “The fans ate it up.”

“God,” Louis moaned. Before he could pull any other thoughts together, the car pulled up in front of the Italian place he and Harry had reservations at. “Okay, we’re going to ignore that ever happened and I’ll keep pretending I don’t know anything about it. Let’s just go eat.”

Harry cackled as Louis climbed out of the car. 

“Honestly, I want to smack you so hard right now, but that’s not a very loved-up-boyfriend like thing to do.”

“That’s okay. You can get back at me later.”

“Better believe I will,” Louis muttered.

It was obvious where the fans they were supposed to meet up with were as soon as they walked in, but Louis tried to pretend like he hadn’t seen them. They already had their phones up and were taking photos of them, though, so Louis was glad that Harry had taken his hand in his while they were still outside.

The host took them to their table and before they’d even had a chance to get fully seated, waiters came from the kitchen with their food. It looked and smelled amazing, and Louis couldn’t wait to eat.

“Thank you so much for being flexible with us like this,” Louis said. “We really appreciate it.”

The servers smiled and went back to work, but just as Louis was picking up his fork to eat, Harry kicked his shin.

“Fuck,” Louis muttered, making his fork clank against the other silverware. “What was that for?”

Harry rolled his eyes and nodded towards where Louis had seen the fans.

“I don’t think these are ones that are going to approach and ask for photos with us. They’re just doing those ridiculous sneaky pics.”

“Cool. Maybe we should reenact  _ Lady and the Tramp _ and do the whole spaghetti to a kiss thing,” Louis said, starting to twirl the pasta on his fork. 

“I hate when people do sneaky pics,” Harry said, scowling. 

Louis couldn’t say he was a fan either, but he really did want to eat his meal. “Come on, lad. Eat that disgusting lasagna and just be sure not to stick your tongue out first. It’ll be fine and you might have a chance at getting back to rehearsal without being too late.”

Harry stuck his tongue out at Louis, making him laugh. 

“Yes, that’s exactly the kind of photo you want all over Twitter.”

Harry sighed. “I’ll give you a kiss later to make up for it or something.”

“I’m sure you will,” Louis said, widening his eyes and making a face.

Lunch otherwise was uneventful and delicious and they spent most of the time comparing tour rehearsal notes. As they were leaving, they had to wait for the car outside the restaurant and Harry leaned into Louis’ side.

“They’re definitely taking photos through the window now,” Harry whispered in Louis’ ear. 

“Are they now?” Louis asked, truly not caring at this point. He was cold. 

Harry’s cold hand rested against Louis’ cheek.

“Fuck,” Louis whined as he turned to look at Harry like he wanted. “You’re a menace and I hate you.”

“But you’re still gonna kiss me right now.”

Louis sighed. “Yes, I am.”

Harry gave him a lopsided smile, and Louis just shook his head fondly. 

“I truly don’t know why I put up with you,” Louis said as he leaned up and gave Harry a few quick kisses before snuggling into his side for warmth. 

“I thought we already had this conversation and I was very convincing,” Harry said, squeezing Louis' side.

“Oh, we definitely had this conversation, but I’m not so sure about the whole you being convincing part,” Louis teased. 

Thankfully the car pulled up right then, and Louis scrambled into the warmth. 

“Do we need to drop you off first?” Louis asked, looking at his phone. They might be able to get Harry back on time if they went to the studio he had booked for rehearsals instead of Louis’.

“If you don’t mind, that would be great.”

They were almost to Harry’s rehearsal space when Louis’ phone buzzed with photos and messages from Mark. Harry’s chimed at almost the same time, so Louis was sure Jeff was reaching out to him with his own messages.

Sure enough, they had fairly similar photos attached along with their varying messages of approval. Louis couldn’t help but zoom in on the somewhat shitty photo of them kissing before the car arrived just moments before.

“Those girls were bloody fast,” Louis mumbled. He had to admit that the two of them looked pretty legitimate and comfortable within each other’s space, though. If he didn’t know better, he might be convinced too.

“I think this was their first time, they were fairly excited and entirely  _ not _ sneaky,” Harry said. “Aww, I kind of like this one.”

It showed them smiling at the hostess while holding hands and was actually pretty good quality.

“You’re such a sap,” Louis said, but secretly he agreed. “Alright, have a good rest of your rehearsal. Good luck with all your song decisions.”

The car stopped and Harry opened the door. “You too! See you soon.”

Louis leaned back in the seat as the car got moving again but his phone vibrated again. Pulling it out, Louis smiled when he saw it was from his group chat with his sisters.

_ Lottie: You two are looking pretty damn comfortable with all that kissing you’re doing these days _

Louis scoffed.

_ Louis: “All that kissing”??? We’ve kissed in public like three times total? _

Lottie immediately replied.

_ Lottie: Exactly. Didn’t take you two long to get familiar with each other, eh?? _

Phoebe and Daisy immediately started replying with slews of emojis even though he knew they should have been in class. He just sent a few middle finger emojis and locked his phone.

He needed to get his head back into gear for figuring out the tour set list anyway. The dates were coming up and they were quickly running out of time. With that, Louis pushed thoughts of Harry as far to the side as he could and got back to studying the most recent version of the set list.

*~~***~~*

Louis paced the dressing room and shook his hands out. They kept tingling and it bothered him. It was like the constant fizzing sensation that had been present for months now had upgraded to his limbs wanting to fall asleep. He wasn’t a fan of that particular development.

“Hey, you alright?” Harry asked, wrapping his arms around Louis from behind.

Louis snorted. “Not particularly. I feel like I could either run a marathon or get sick all over myself. Maybe both. I knew it would be real the first night of my own tour, but I didn’t realise it would be like this.”

“Yeah,” Harry said quietly. “I know it’s almost time and that’s why your family is out in the VIP area, but do you need me to get anyone for you?”

Louis shook his head. He was incredibly glad that it had worked out that he had his European tour dates first so his family could make the quick trip to Barcelona and support him on the first night where his solo career truly felt real. Even so, he needed to be by himself right now. Or, well. Himself and Harry. 

The thing with Harry was his presence was never forced. It felt natural to have him there, almost like he was an extension of Louis, and because of that Louis never minded having him nearby. 

Especially when what was getting under his skin had to do with performing and his career. Harry understood that aspect in a very distinct and clear way that almost no one else in the world could. That understanding, that very specific and particular experience and feeling that was so hard to put into words was exactly why Harry was who he needed with him in this very moment.

“I promise, the moment you step out on stage, all of the nerves will increase for maybe a song. But then, you  _ will _ relax into it. This is what you’re meant to be doing, and it’ll start feeling natural again.”

Louis nodded, praying Harry was right. 

“I know you love it as much as I do. The high you get knowing that all of those people out there are there for  _ you? _ Because they love you and your music? It fills you in a way that nothing else can ever really truly touch.”

“Yeah,” Louis said, smiling and leaning into Harry. “Thanks, Hazza. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Wouldn’t be anywhere else,” Harry said, leaning over to kiss Louis’ temple gently. 

“Louis?” Jenny, one of Louis’ tour supervisors, stuck her head into the dressing room and gave him a small smile. “It’s time to get your mic pack on and ready.”

“Thanks, Jenny. I’ll be right there.”

Louis allowed himself to melt into Harry a little bit as Harry squeezed his arms around Louis once more. He felt safe, but he was also feeling his nerves take on the hint of excitement. Harry was right, the stage really was something special and Louis was more than ready to take on this next step.

“Let’s go.”

Louis pulled away from Harry and started walking towards the door, but before he got very far, Harry reached out and grabbed hold of Louis’ elbow firmly. Before Louis knew fully what was happening, Harry had pulled him back into his chest and pressed a firm, thorough kiss against Louis’ lips.

“What was that for?” Louis asked, heart racing and feeling regretful that he’d been caught so off guard that he hadn’t been able to reciprocate before Harry pulled away.

“Good luck. You’re going to smash it,” Harry said with a smile. Louis allowed him to turn Louis back towards the door and smack his arse as he said, “Get out there and show them the performer that solo star Louis Tomlinson is.”

Louis laughed, but happily headed towards the space where tech had set up his things beside the stage.

Harry was right. Because of course he was. Louis had been truly concerned that he might actually lose what little he had eaten that day during the first song, but seeing everyone in the theater enthusiastically singing along, cheering, and— best of all— waving numerous rainbow flags allowed him to settle into it and feel alive in the way he only ever did while performing.

When Louis was done, he took his bow, yelled thank you a last few times, and ran off the stage. He was happy Harry was stationed right there because Louis couldn’t help it. He was buzzing and he launched himself into Harry’s arms. Just as he knew he would, Harry caught Louis easily and laughed in his ear.

“You did so fucking well, Louis,” Harry yelled in his ear. “I’m so fucking proud.”

“Thank you,” Louis said before he relaxed and dropped back down to the floor. “God, I can’t believe this is my fucking job and I get to do this every damn night.”

Harry laughed and pulled him in for another hug. “We are a couple of lucky bastards. Come on, I think your family’s already in your dressing room and about to go mad with excitement for you.”

When Louis walked into his dressing room and saw his family, his  _ people, _ there waiting for him, he nearly burst into tears. He’d had so much emotion running through him the entire day, it finally reached a point where he could barely keep himself together, but he did his best. He happily took the hugs he was offered and the beer his grandad handed him as well. God. He felt amazing.

“Family photo!” was called out by someone, and they made sure to find a place where they could smash all of them into a space that could be captured in a photo, but Louis noticed Harry hanging off to the side. 

“Harold, get your arse in this photo,” Louis called, holding out his hand. 

Shaking his head, Harry said, “Shouldn’t you get some without me first?”

“No, I want you in these photos with us, so get over here. Don’t make me force you.”

Harry raised his brows as he ambled over. “Force me, eh?”

Louis nodded seriously and happily wrapped his arms around Harry once he was close enough. 

“Perfect,” Louis said, smiling at Harry before turning back towards where Chris was standing with the camera.

Once some photos had been taken with Lottie’s phone and promises of passing them on were made, Harry turned to Louis.

“Okay, so how exactly were you planning on forcing me into the photos if I didn’t want to be in them?”

“Like this.” Louis turned Harry and jumped onto his back and latched on like a koala.

“That’s not getting you anywhere. I still have full control of where we are and what we’re doing,” Harry said, easily wrapping his arms around Louis’ legs so he could give him a little piggy-back ride around the small room.

“Yeah, but not when I do  _ this,” _ Louis said right as he started digging his fingers in the spots he could reach where he knew Harry was ticklish.

“Fuck,” Harry wheezed through his giggles as his legs gave out, sending both of them crashing to the floor. “Shit, are you okay?”

Louis was laughing too hard to answer, so he just rolled closer to Harry and started tickling him again.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Harry asked as he kicked his legs and tried to push Louis away. “I hate you so much right now. How— fuck!— does this get you what you want?”

“Because eventually you will relent and do anything I want just to get me to stop.”

“I already did what you want!” Harry cried as he smacked at Louis’ roving hands. 

Louis just kept laughing and moving so he could reach other ticklish spots. The best secret about Harry was while he had few spots that were truly ticklish, once someone started tickling, he suddenly became ticklish all over. At this point, all Louis really had to do was touch him, and Harry was a laughing, squawking mess and trying to arch away from him again.

“You’re right, you did,” Louis said, finally easing his attack. “I just figured I probably owed you for something you did to me.”

Harry threw an arm over his eyes and tried to regain his breath. “You are a horrible man and I hate you very much a lot.”

“I, on the other hand, love him because I got all of that on my Instagram stories and I am sure that no one has seen you two like that before.”

Louis froze where he was and turned to Lottie. “Fuck off, no you didn’t.”

Lottie waved her phone at him. “I did. You’re welcome. Mark can thank me personally later.”

Harry just started laughing again and pulled Louis into his chest. “This is all your own fault, so if it doesn’t go over well, I hope you know I’m blaming this entirely on you.”

Louis hummed and relaxed into Harry’s arms. Smelling him and being close and still to him reminds Louis of the kiss they shared before he went on stage. He’d almost forgotten in the excitement of everything, but now he was wondering how that was possible. How could he have forgotten about a kiss that was obviously just shared between them,  _ for _ them, that had that much feeling behind it?

Then again. Maybe Louis was just imagining the feeling because he’d been so keyed up. That was probably it. Misremembering and all that because of the nerves and adrenaline combined.

“Harry, you’re going to Milan tomorrow too, right?” Grandad asked before yawning a little. Louis felt bad for keeping him up so late, but he’d insisted on joining the rest of the family for Louis’ first show, and he really was grateful.

“Yeah,” Harry said, before settling down on the couch and bringing Louis down with him, arms still tight around Louis’ midsection. Louis shifted to be more comfortable and then looked at his grandad. “You coming too?”

“Nooooo,” Grandad said, holding his hands up. “I can’t keep up with you these days. Besides, we’ve got to get the girls back before they miss too much school.”

Phoebe and Daisy both started to argue, and Louis couldn’t help but smile. So much about this night was perfect.

“Anyway!” Grandad yelled to be heard above the bickering. “Harry, you’ll look after Louis for us and make sure he adjusts to everything alright since we can’t be there, right?”

Louis rolled his eyes. He’d be just fine and he would prove it to all of them eventually, but for now, he’d let Grandad think he needed looking after.

“Of course,” Harry said warmly before pressing a kiss to Louis’ temple.

*~~***~~*

The kissing became a bit of a thing. Louis hadn’t expected that, but he also wasn’t going to complain about it either. Harry was a very talented man, after all, and while this whole thing was going on, action with Harry was the closest to real action Louis was going to get anyway. And, besides that, Harry was quickly becoming the person Louis felt most comfortable around.

They were currently in Stockholm and Louis didn’t have a concert until the next day. Harry had originally planned on going home after Milan as his own tour rehearsals were starting again any day now, but they’d stayed up late their last night in Milan talking about all their good memories of Sweden from the early days in the band. It had been a late night conversation filled with so much fondness and laughter that the next day found Harry on the plane with Louis, putting off his return to England by another few days.

They’d originally planned on sleeping in as late as they wanted and then going on a little tour of the places they remembered enjoying when they were younger. 

Now, though, Louis found himself wrapped up in Harry, still under the covers of his incredibly comfortable hotel bed. They’d been talking about what they wanted to order in for breakfast, and Louis honestly didn’t even remember who had initiated it this time. All he knew was that this was even less innocent than their snogging had been up to this point. His body reacted strongly to Harry’s ministrations as his hands caressed Louis’ back and he barely kept himself from taking this further.

It wasn’t like they’d actually talked about what they were doing. Louis had considered doing so, but it just felt so good and natural, and he’d figured there wasn’t any harm as long as they didn’t go any further than snogging. They’d always been tactile friends, and they were supposedly dating anyway. Couldn’t do any harm.

Louis rutting against his best friend and fake-boyfriend though? That was crossing more than a few lines. Especially when they were only clothed in a pair of boxers and joggers respectively.

Eventually, Louis pulled back and, breathing heavily, pressed a small kiss to the tip of Harry’s nose. Harry smiled and leaned his forehead against Louis’ without opening his eyes.

“You’re a very talented kisser, Lou.”

Louis chuckled. “Why thank you. Glad all my practicing paid off for you now.”

Harry swatted limply at Louis’ side before pulling back and peeking over Louis’ shoulder. “It’s now past noon. Maybe we should skip breakfast, get dressed, and go grab some lunch? I really am hungry.”

Louis’ belly grumbled at that moment, causing them both to laugh. “Yeah, I guess so. Lemme shower first and then we can go.”

The thing was, them kissing in private apparently had finally broken down whatever reservations they’d had before regarding public displays of affection. Louis had thought they were being ridiculous and over the top before, but now he found himself being pulled into kisses by Harry (and fine, maybe a few he initiated himself) every few steps. It was ridiculous.

Mark was loving it, though, based on his texts Louis was receiving by midday.

_ Mark: I have no idea what exactly caused Harry to change his plans and have you two out and about like this today, but the fans are eating it up. Keep it going _   
_ Mark: Maybe calm down on the full on snogging though _

Louis snorted, showed his phone to Harry who just shrugged and then guided Louis to their final destination.

“What’s this, then?” Louis asked after typing out a few emojis and sending them to Mark in response.

“I’ve heard great things about this place and wanted something sweet,” Harry said before turning and winking at Louis. “Not that you aren’t sweet enough.”

“Oh my God,” Louis groaned, punching Harry in the arm. “You’re disgusting. Don’t you dare ever say anything like that to me again, thank you.”

They were led to a table, and as soon as they sat down, Harry looked at the menu. “There were a few items I was specifically told about. Mind if I just order a variety and we share? You can look and see what people have posted of us today while I do.”

Louis nodded his head. “Yeah, sure.”

It didn’t take long for Louis to get on Twitter and find a couple of photo sets obviously taken from a distance and then one shaky fan video. Scrunching up his nose, Louis held his phone out to Harry.

“These are gross. You aren’t allowed to touch me for the rest of today,” Louis informed Harry as he thanked the waiter and took a sip of his water.

Harry ordered their desserts and then took a closer look at Louis’ phone.

“I think we look good together.”

Louis shook his head. “It looks like you’re about to eat me whole in that video.”

Harry smirked and looked at Louis through his lashes. “Who’s to say I didn’t want to?”

Louis folded his arms and arched his brow. “You are  _ really _ into this today. I never should have let you snog me if this is how you react.”

Harry shrugged. “Yeah, maybe not. But we’ve gotta enjoy it while we can since it’s going to be, what? Two weeks? A week and a half? Something like that before we’re able to see each other again.”

“Oh yeah, and that’s going to be so hard to survive,” Louis teased. “Haz, we’ve gone  _ months _ without seeing each other just fine.”

Harry hummed. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“Yeah,” Louis teased. Just then, four plates containing various creams, cakes, and fruits were set in front of the two of them, and all talk ceased for the time being.

*~~***~~*

Louis hated to admit that Harry was right. They’d been back in the same country for almost a week and they still hadn’t seen each other. After having almost a full week of physical affection whenever Louis wanted it and emotional support those first few dates on tour, Louis felt the lack thereof when Harry left. When he returned to England he’d thought they’d easily be able to meet up, but between Harry’s rehearsal schedule and Louis’ own tour and promotional schedule, they hadn’t been able to do more than FaceTime every so often.

It was okay, though. Louis didn’t have any tour dates for the next couple of weeks when he flew to Dubai before going to Asia, so things were calmer for him at least. Things were really picking up for Harry, but it would be fine. They’d talked and decided that Louis would stay with Harry when he was able so they could enjoy each other’s company before Harry’s tour kicked off and things got so much more complicated.

Louis was on his way to Harry’s now, a nervous excitement buzzing beneath his skin that he couldn’t even explain, when his phone vibrated with a call from the man himself.

“Harold,” Louis said with a grin. “If you’re asking me to get food on my way over, then I’m sorry to tell you but you're going to have to settle for delivery.”

“Ehm, no, it wasn’t that actually.”

Louis straightened up in his seat. Something was wrong and Louis didn’t know what it was, but Harry’s voice sounded rough. It could have been from the amount of singing he’d been doing in rehearsals, but Louis had known him long enough to tell the difference between Harry’s vocal cords giving out due to overuse and when he’d been crying. 

Concern flooded Louis and he immediately needed to make sure Harry was alright. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“It’s fine, Lou. Nothing huge.” Harry paused and Louis stayed quiet knowing he’d continue when he was ready. ”Just me being over emotional about unimportant shit again, but I wanted to tell you I’m going to be at least another couple of hours and probably not good company. I’m just wanting to go home and sleep, really.”

“I’m okay with that,” Louis reassured him. “Unless you don’t want me there…”

“No, I do, I just… you know how I get.”

“Yes,” Louis said with a chuckle. “I do. But you should also know how I am when you get like that.”

“You mean like an overbearing mother hen who won’t leave me alone until you’re sure I’m taken care of and feeling better?”

“Rude, I’m never overbearing,” Louis said with a sniff. 

“Sure,” Harry agreed easily. Louis could hear the smile in his voice, so he hoped Harry was already feeling at least a little better. “You know how to get in. If you don’t mind waiting for me a bit longer then you can feel free to make yourself at home like you always do.”

“Sounds good. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be there when you’re ready.”

They hung up and Louis looked at his hands. His energy from earlier wasn’t gone, but it felt settled. Like Louis now knew his purpose and what to do. This territory, taking care of Harry when he was dealing with something, was familiar to him. Everything he’d been nervous about earlier wasn’t on his radar anymore. He didn’t need to worry about kisses and what their physical intimacy meant. He just needed to make sure Harry was alright. 

As soon as Louis got to Harry’s house he let himself into the gate and walked around to the back where he had a keypad Louis could use to disable the alarm system and let himself in. Once he had, he looked around the kitchen and was surprised at the state of it. It wasn’t  _ dirty _ per se, but it definitely wasn’t Harry’s usual state of tidy. He must have been really busy getting ready for everything if he left it in this state.

Louis realised if Harry’s kitchen was like this, then the rest of the house was likely in a state as well. Harry was the kind of person who felt like he couldn’t think if he wasn’t in a tidy space, so Louis was sure his anxiety had been increased by the basic clutter. That was a very easy way Louis could help reduce the stress and pressure at least while Harry was home. 

Louis quickly connected his current playlist to the bluetooth system Harry had throughout the house and got to work. He wanted to get to the four spaces Louis knew Harry frequented most often before he got home and if he had additional time, then maybe he could get some wine and candles set up like he’d originally planned as well. 

It was funny how much Louis abhorred truly cleaning up after himself at home and yet he didn’t mind in the least doing it at Harry’s. In fact, Louis felt himself get lost in the chores and even deep cleaned the counters and sink in not only the kitchen but Harry’s bathroom as well. He didn’t do the shower, that was taking it too far even for him, but every room he finished gave him a sense of accomplishment and got him more excited for what Harry’s reaction would be when he realised what Louis had done.

The biggest issue with the living room was the blankets Harry had left piled in disarray on the couch and his multiple half drunk cups of cold coffee. That was easily taken care of, but his bedroom was where it looked like a tornado had hit. Louis chuckled a bit to himself, because if he was honest it looked more like what his own bedroom usually looked like. Louis had got better over the years, but his bedroom was always the first room in the house to lose the battle to the chaos. A load, maybe two, of laundry would definitely be needed as well as likely a change of the sheets. 

Louis got to work and had just switched the loads of laundry and gotten the duvet put back on the bed when he heard the front door slam shut.

“Lou?”

Louis sighed. The candles could still be lit by Harry if he wanted them, but Louis was glad the wine should be ready by now since he’d chosen the bottle while he cleaned the kitchen earlier.

“Up here!” Louis called back. He turned around the room making sure he had got everything as straightened up as possible before facing the door.

Harry froze in the doorway looking exhausted, his eyes growing wide as he surveyed the space.

“Ta da!” Louis cried, his arms held out wide. “I think I got everything put where you usually keep it, but if I didn’t know I just put it on your dresser.”

Harry stayed silent, looking overwhelmed, and then he crumpled and began to cry.

“Shit, Harry?” Louis rushed over to him and Harry quickly wrapped his arms around Louis and let his weight rest on him. “Are you okay? I’m sorry if I pissed you off with the cleaning, but I know how you are with clutter, so I just thought that might help—”

“No,” Harry said, sniffling and shaking his head into Louis’ shoulder. “I’m not crying cause I’m mad or embarrassed or anything, I’m just… it has been a fucking long day and you somehow knew exactly what I’d been wishing for without my even asking.”

“Oh,” Louis said, relieved. He didn’t really know what else to say. 

When Harry didn’t say anything else, though, seemingly content to just keep hugging Louis, Louis decided maybe he should keep going.

“Well, there’s two loads of washing you’ll need to take care of because, honestly, I’m not finishing that now. But your bathroom, kitchen, and living room should all be looking up to par now as well.”

“Fuck,” Harry said with a sniffle before pulling back and wiping his cheeks with his palms. “I feel bad that you did that, but also thank you so fucking much.”

“Come on, love.” Louis turned Harry towards his en suite and started walking him towards it. “Take a hot shower and get comfortable. I’m going to get the wine I picked out of your extensive collection and then we can cuddle in bed and watch something until you fall asleep, okay?”

“I don’t deserve a best friend like you,” Harry said as he walked in and turned on the light. 

“Of course you do,” Louis said with a wink. “I’m not always this nice, you know.”

Harry rolled his eyes and closed the door behind himself.

Taking a deep breath, Louis put his hands on his hips and kept looking at the door. He still didn’t know what had got Harry so worked up earlier, but he was glad to know he’d helped at least a little bit and in a truly tangible way. 

Louis turned and headed back to the kitchen for the wine. As he reached for the glasses, he finally realised what Harry had said earlier. He’d called Louis his best friend. And of course that’s what they were, it’s what they’d been for almost ten years now, but also it had been months now since they’d called each other that. They’d been almost ridiculously over the top when it came to mocking their situation and calling each other exclusively  _ boyfriend.  _

Slowly bringing the glasses down, Louis stared at them without even reaching for the wine. It wasn’t that the title of best friend bothered him, if anything he was glad that they hadn’t lost that aspect of things in this whole charade. But something also didn’t feel right. Or, maybe it was more that he wished for something else. 

That didn’t make any sense, though. Louis pushed the feeling to the back of his mind and focused on grabbing what he’d promised Harry and going back upstairs to get settled on his side of the bed. Tonight was about Harry and making sure he was okay. Louis could figure himself out later.


	3. Chapter 3

As it turned out, Louis didn’t have time to figure himself out until he’d left England again. It was only while he was on the plane to Dubai that he finally had enough time to himself to really consider the emotions that being around Harry again had brought up.

Louis settled down and turned on his sleeping playlist even though the flight wouldn’t be all that long. He just needed something quiet and calm in the background as he allowed himself to digest everything, and that would have to do.

Harry never had confided in Louis what had bothered him so bad that day. He just brushed it off as a lot of little, stupid things that should have never bothered him but he was so tired and stressed it had felt like more than it actually was. Louis wasn’t sure he believed him, but he also enjoyed being the one to take care of Harry after all the time it had felt like Harry had been emotionally babysitting Louis. 

Because of Harry’s stress and exhaustion, they’d only shared a couple of chaste kisses during the handful of days that Louis was able to see Harry. They’d focused more on just cuddles and talking for hours about anything and everything like they used to in the band. 

That should have settled Louis, especially when he realised that was how they were going to be spending their time together. He wouldn’t have to worry about what, if anything, their newfound level of physical affection meant and that had relieved him at first, except that strange feeling the first night he was at Harry’s didn’t go away. If anything, the rekindling of the relationship as they’d had it for all those years in the band made that feeling stronger. 

But what was it? What did it mean? It almost felt like when he missed his mum, but less heavy. A similar longing for another time, but also like he’d already lost something. How could he have lost anything, though? It was obviously somehow tied to Harry, and yet Harry was there. He’d been there the entire time, and that was the whole point. Louis felt better rested and more well centered after having time with Harry as well as the rest of his family at his home shows, but it had also been hard to say goodbye to Harry that morning in Birmingham.

Louis sighed and shifted in his seat. Whatever it was, he needed to ignore it for now. It wasn’t doing him any good to dwell on right now. They were going to be apart for weeks with only a night together before being separated for weeks again over the course of the next several months.

To distract himself, Louis thought back to Harry’s show the night before. Harry was magical on stage. Louis had always known that, but it was incredible seeing him perform a full show, especially as the man and performer he had grown to be. Louis had been in the VIP pit area with Anne and Gemma and they had had a blast singing and dancing together. Louis had taken a lot of photos with fans and, according to Mark, he had featured in a lot of social media videos as well. 

It had been planned that way, of course, but Louis was glad that it meant he had been able to experience Harry’s concert in a way he hadn’t been able to do before. He was glad he’d been able to see Harry’s first night on tour before leaving and experience that for himself. That night, as Louis had wrapped Harry in his arms in bed, he’d whispered to Harry how proud he was to have Harry as his best friend and that being his public boyfriend was something he’d do his best to be worthy of.

Harry had fought him over that last bit, but Louis had truly meant it. He’d grown in confidence with regards to his own abilities and he knew his fans were loyal and amazingly supportive of his career, but he really did feel like he had to do his very best in order to feel like he was someone who could be seen as even close to Harry’s equal.

Louis shook his head. That train of thought wasn’t really a positive one for him to dwell on either. Louis checked the flight progress and saw he still had around five hours. That would be a decent amount of sleep. He should get it while he could anyway. 

Turning in his seat, Louis adjusted his playlist volume and closed his eyes. As he drifted off, he thought back to the warmth of Harry beside him just that morning. He’d be counting the days until he would be able to enjoy that again, but he’d dream of it in the meantime.

*~~***~~*

“Haz?” Louis asked with a yawn as he answered the phone.

“Lou, it’s a FaceTime. As much as I adore your ear, I think I’d rather see your face.”

Louis was so fucking jet lagged, he yawned into his shoulder again as he pulled the phone away from his ear. 

“Sorry, I’m really excited to be able to sleep tonight,” Louis said with a tired smile. “Where are you these days?”

Harry arched his brows and turned his phone to show Louis his bedroom. “I’m home right now. Got my London shows and then going north before heading to Germany. You?”

“Erm,” Louis looked out the car window. “We’re down under. Oz?” Louis asked as he turned to Oli. 

“New Zealand,” Oli corrected. “Then Australia.”

“Right,” Louis said, nodding. “New Zealand. Auckland.”

“Love Auckland,” Harry said wistfully. “How long are you there for?”

As they talked more, Louis leaned his head against the window. It was soothing to hear Harry’s voice and know he didn’t have anything planned for the rest of the day. He could get to the hotel and sleep the rest of the day away and be well-rested for the interviews scheduled tomorrow and then the show. Talking with Harry knowing the rest of the day was free for him had him the most relaxed he’d been in ages. 

“Hey,” Louis said once his brain started working a bit more. He’s pretty sure he cut Harry off mid-sentence, but he didn’t look annoyed. “It’s like… well, I don’t know what time it is here, but I know it’s past lunch. I’m bad with time zones and all, but doesn’t that mean it’s arse o’clock at home?”

Harry shrugged. “Yeah, it’s like three. It’s not bad, though.”

Louis arched his brow at the phone and it took about all the energy he had in him at that point. “Harold. You need to get sleep.”

“You’re one to talk,” Harry shot back. “I’m far more awake right now than you are.”

“Yes yes, we aren’t talking about me, we’re talking about you,” Louis said, waving his hand at the phone screen. “I’m hanging up on you now so you’ll sleep. I’ll call you later and make sure it’s a decent hour where you are, okay?”

“Fine,” Harry said with a pout. “Miss you.”

“Yeah, that’s what all my boyfriends say,” Louis teased.

Harry snorted. “Yeah, alright. Night, Lou. Sleep well.”

“Thanks. Night.”

“You guys actually talk on the phone every day?” Oli asked, looking at Louis curiously. 

“I mean, not always, but most days yeah. Why?”

Oli studied Louis’ face before shrugging. “Dunno. You guys just never talked that much before.”

“Yeah, well we’re boyfriends now, so…”

“No one knows you two talk every day though,” Oli pointed out. “Like, I’m one of your best friends and your PA and not even I knew that. What point do daily phone calls have for pulling off a fake relationship?”

Louis took a breath in to answer, and realised he didn’t have one. He blamed his sleep deprivation for how slow his brain was working at the moment. 

“I can’t think of an answer right now but I will,” Louis promised, pointing at Oli before pinching his nipple. “Now let me be. I want to sleep until we make it to the hotel.”

As Louis dozed off, he heard Oli and Mark whispering. He heard his name and Harry’s come up a couple of times but was too tired to listen closer. He’d bother them about it later and figure out what they were saying then. For now, he needed sleep.

*~~***~~*

“Hey, where’d you get those sick hoodies you bought me last time you were here?” Louis called out as he dug through his suitcase. His phone was on speaker on the other side of the room because he couldn’t find his favourite oversized Mastermind hoodie Harry had got him. He was in Tokyo for the night and tomorrow, though, so he could send Oli over to pick one up for him if Louis couldn’t do it himself. It was already early afternoon, so if he wanted it today he would need to head out for it soon. He wanted a good night’s sleep since the next two days were going to be pretty busy.

“Why? If you’re looking for the jagged one you wear so much you left it at my house. I packed it actually so I should be able to give it to you when I see you in Copenhagen.”

“Oh thank fuck,” Louis sighed. “I thought I’d packed it and lost it. But that does still mean I don’t have a decent hoodie for tonight…”

“You haven’t checked the side zipped section of your luggage yet? You’ve been gone long enough I figured you would have found it by now.”

Louis froze and turned slowly towards the phone. “Harold, what did you do to my luggage?”

“God, Lou, just look. What do you think I’ve done to it?”

Squinting suspiciously at the phone, Louis turned back towards the bag he had only partially dug through because the zipped part was filled with, he thought, shoes and socks he hadn’t needed to break into yet.

“One never knows when their supposed boyfriend is Harry Styles,” Louis responded as he unzipped it. As expected, four sets of shoes came falling out at him, but mixed in with the socks was also Louis’ favourite oversized jumper of Harry’s. Louis gasped as he picked up the soft argyle patterned sweater and held it to his face. It still smelled like Harry’s aftershave.

“Ah, so you like it.” Harry’s voice sounded ridiculously pleased, but Louis was so happy he couldn’t even chide him for it.

“How’d you know this was one of my favourites?” Louis asked softly, still surprised at how Harry seemed to know parts of him he hadn’t even meant to share. “You’ve only worn it once since this whole thing started and I wasn’t even with you.”

“You never comment on my clothes, but you did on that one,” Harry said, sounding smug. “You always overpack on shit you don’t need and never pack enough layers to keep you warm, so I thought I’d help you out. Plus you can wear it out and about and fans can enjoy the fact we are clothes sharing like when all five of us shared the same fucking bus.”

“God, you’re a genius,” Louis said as he pulled the jumper over his head. “I’m going to have to change into an actual pair of trousers now, though.”

“What, can’t bear to leave behind the trackies for a single day?” Harry teased.

“Fuck off, I know you like them as much as I do,” Louis said before tucking his nose into the collar of the jumper where Harry’s aftershave was strongest. 

Wait. Why was he doing that? It was ridiculous, really. People didn’t smell the jumpers of their best friends because they like the scent of their aftershave. Louis was losing his mind. Maybe they’d been playing at this relationship for too long and now he was starting to believe it himself. That was dangerous and stupid. This was  _ Harry _ he was thinking about like that. 

“Did you fucking spray this with your aftershave before you packed it?” Louis asked, trying to pull himself away from the ledge he’d been approaching mentally. “I’m going to go out there smelling like a rich fuck.”

“Oh, yeah, because your aftershave is so much more everyday man than mine, Mr Tom Ford,” Harry said with a laugh. “And no I didn’t, it just holds the scent well or something. Enjoy.”

“Yeah, yeah. Gonna get the mickey taken out of me,” Louis whined, but there wasn’t any actual heat behind it, so he knew his attempt was ridiculous and able to be seen through easily.

There was noise heard in the background and Harry replied, his voice muffled until he shifted the phone again. “Okay, I’ve gotta go. I’ll have some time in a few hours though, will you be available then? The next few days are a little crazy with traveling so I’m not sure I’ll be able to talk on the phone with you between then and when you get here otherwise.”

“Yeah, we’re going out for dinner, but we’re having a bit of an early night since tomorrow and Friday are both a bit crazy.”

The call wrapped up quickly after that and Louis barely had time to change into a pair of black jeans that better suited the jumper before he was dragged out of his room by Matt for dinner. 

As they stood waiting for the lift, Matt scanned Louis and smirked. “You look dressed to impress, mate.”

Louis furrowed his brow and looked down at himself. He was wearing the same trainers he had been on the plane that morning and an unwashed t-shirt beneath Harry’s jumper. Paired with the black jeans he’d pulled from his luggage, he thought he looked fairly comfortable, not at all fancy.

“What are you on about?”

The lift opened and someone whistled. Louis rolled his eyes when he saw Oli, Jordan, and Isaac waiting for him.

“Isn’t that Harry’s?” Oli asked.

“Oh, it all makes sense now,” Matt said as Louis punched him.

“Awwww, wearing the boyfriend’s clothes!” Isaac cooed, hands clasped against his chest. “That’s actually quite cute.”

“I told you, we aren’t actually dating,” Louis argued, plucking the jumper away from his chest.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Oli muttered.

They shut up for the rest of the meal after Louis pinched his nipple and threatened the same to anyone else who said the same.

*~~***~~*

“It was rude, Hazza,” Louis whined as he flopped onto the bed. He was so tired. And drunk. He always forgot how fast sake got him past buzzed and he never drank slow enough.

“I mean,” Harry said, giggling, “that was kind of the point of you wearing it though, right? So the fact the fans stopped you for photos and recognised it for what it was is good, really.”

Louis whined. “But the lads wouldn’t stop laughing about it and saying we’re actually dating.”

Harry muttered something Louis couldn’t quite make out as he kicked off his shoes and peeled off his jeans. He kept the jumper on because if he was honest with himself he really liked being wrapped in Harry’s smell and he would allow himself that one thing tonight.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” Harry said before he cleared his throat.

“No it wasn’t,” Louis said as he scooted around more. “Definitely sounded like something but I was busy getting undressed.”

“Fuck,” Harry muttered. “It really was nothing, but did you need to tell me you were taking off your clothes?”

Louis furrowed his brow. “You’ve seen me in my pants so many times I think I’d probably feel more weird trying to hide this from you at this point. What’s the big deal?”

Harry didn’t respond except with a quiet, “God.”

“Okay, you’re acting so weird tonight, Haz. What’s going on?”

“I said if we were actually dating I would have got off far more than I have since this whole thing started.” Harry paused and then tacked on, “Shit.”

Louis shuffled around in bed, pulling the duvet over him as he, interestingly enough, felt not quite as drunk as he had and much more awake. “You haven’t been with anyone since we started this thing? Like, with us?”

“No, of course not,” Harry scoffed. “Not like I get with people very often anyway, but I didn’t want to bother with the paperwork or the chance of people talking and all of that so I decided to keep it to myself. You?”

“No,” Louis said, as he shook his head. “No one.”

They sat in silence and Louis bit his lip. The scent of Harry’s aftershave was still encompassing him. When combined with the thoughts of the last time he’d been with someone, Louis realised how much he’d missed being with someone. Like, truly being with someone. Not just for a night or to scratch an itch, but actually having that time with someone who knew him and could read him. Knew his body like he did. 

Before he even knew what he was doing, Louis was palming himself and letting out a soft whine. Harry’s breath hitched in his ear, and that brought Louis back to himself.

“Shit. Shit, fuck. Sorry. I didn’t even—”

“Did you just…” Harry interrupted but couldn’t even finish his sentence.

Louis wasn’t sure if he wanted to help him or not. “Of course not. Nope. Definitely didn’t.”

Except he really did. He sat on the phone with his best friend and pretend boyfriend and actually started getting aroused to the point of touching himself. It was through his pants and only to relieve the pressure that had built so quickly he had barely realised what was happening, but still. 

“Fuck, you did. God…” Harry groaned, and Louis couldn’t tell if it was in frustration or because he just did the same thing Louis had. For as well as he knew Harry’s voice, this was territory they’d never broached before. 

Louis couldn’t help it. Even the  _ chance _ that Harry was touching himself was enough to get Louis’ hand trailing further down again. He bit his lip this time in an attempt to keep himself reined in and quiet until he knew for sure if they were actually doing this. He was so tired, a little buzzed, and missing having someone to have sex with so bad that he really couldn’t see how this could be a problem. A bad idea. 

In fact, it seemed like a very, very good idea. Incredibly good. Perfect, really. Just this once, they could get off together. Not even really together! It didn’t have to be that awkward, because they were just on the phone. No FaceTime or intimacy of being there in person touching each other and seeing each other’s bodies. Just voices. Sounds, really. 

It was then that Harry let out a moan and Louis knew for a fact now that Harry was doing the same thing he was.

Louis didn’t say anything, but he did release his lip and settled in. This was going to be the one time he and Harry got off together, so he might as well enjoy it.

Various moans, panting breaths, and curses filled the space on the line without an actual attempt at communication until Louis felt himself relaxing into the mattress and Harry’s breaths slowed to the same pace.

“Well. That just happened,” Louis said quietly. 

He wasn’t sure what else to say, really. He just hoped things wouldn’t be awkward now. It was Harry, so he figured it probably wouldn’t. But also, it was Harry, so what the hell did Louis know at this point. He’d never thought he’d kiss the man much less have phone sex with him. Fuck.

“Yeah. Things don’t have to be weird, though, right?” Harry said, voicing Louis’ thoughts. “It was just this once and it was just to give us a release, yeah?”

“‘Course, ‘course,” Louis agreed quickly. “Nothing has to change. It’ll be fine.”

“Yeah,” Harry said before cursing. Louis heard static as there were noises on Harry’s end, including a clatter that sounded like Harry dropping the phone. “Sorry, fuck, sorry. But I’m running behind and have to go. I’ll see you Denmark, right?”

“Yep, have a good show, H.”

“Thanks. Enjoy Japan. See you soon.”

They hung up and Louis groaned loudly into his room. What the hell did they just do?

*~~***~~*

Louis fidgeted in his seat. He had been so excited to see Harry again, even if it was just a pit stop in Denmark with him before he headed down to South America. It had been about two weeks since he’d seen Harry, and that was quickly becoming the longest he felt like he could go without seeing him in person. When had that happened?

Of course, Louis was now regretting the fact they were seeing each other in less than a day. They’d tried texting like they usually did, and Louis really did have to give Harry credit. He seemed pretty damn normal. 

Louis, though, felt anything  _ but _ normal. It was just… the thing with Harry wasn’t real. It was very much fake and he was having a hard time remembering that. He had already been finding that difficult before he’d heard Harry moan in his ear as he got himself off. How was Louis supposed to dial back the desire he had somehow developed for Harry when he knew how his name sounded coming from Harry’s mouth as he came?

Fuck. Louis was getting hard on the way to the damn airport. He needed to think about something else. 

Louis took a deep breath and focused on what he could see out the window of the car. It was mostly traffic and tall buildings, but he did need a plan. He’d mostly pushed Harry off and given one word awkward answers to his texts instead of his usual… whatever. What did Louis usually do? He knew how he was acting didn’t  _ feel _ like his normal with Harry, but he’d never thought as much about his interactions with him as he was now.

God, Louis was so fucked up. How was he meant to fix this? Or at the very least pretend like he wasn’t falling for his best friend? 

“Shit,” Louis whispered as he let his head fall against the window.

“Everything alright, Lou?”

Louis turned to Oli and gave a smile. “Yeah, just knackered.”

Oli nodded with understanding before turning back to his phone. Well. At least Louis could lie convincingly to one person. He wasn’t sure he was going to be able to get away with it with Harry, though.

The thing was, they’d said it wouldn’t be weird. When they’d spoken right afterwards, Louis had been so sure it would be fine. He definitely didn’t feel fine and it didn’t feel like it ever would be again.

Louis’ phone vibrated right as they pulled in front of the airport and Louis answered it as he followed the employees to the lounge where he’d spend his time waiting for his flight.

Heart thumping, Louis held the phone to his ear and said, “Hey, H. I thought you weren’t going to be able to call before I got there?”

“Yeah, well I had a free minute so I thought I’d give you a call. Is it a bad time?”

Louis considered saying yes just so he wouldn’t have to talk to Harry before he’d got himself fully sorted. That would be even weirder than his short texts and not initiating anything, though, so he figured he should actually talk to him. 

“Nah, it’s fine. Just got to the airport, actually.”

“Okay, cool. So how’d your shows go? You didn’t really say much. They go okay?”

Louis sighed with relief. This at least was a safe topic. “Yeah, yeah. They went great. You know how great Japan always is.”

Harry stayed quiet like he expected Louis to say more, and he probably did. Shit. Louis always prattled on and on when it was Harry on the phone, and yet here he was barely giving any information. Hopefully, Harry was just chalking it up to the fact he was in public. 

“Oh, well. Good.”

“Yeah,” Louis said, trying to force a smile so Harry could hear it in his voice. He was pretty sure he was failing on both counts, though. “So what are you up to tonight?”

“Just playing Stockholm and then flying straight to Copenhagen afterwards. I think you’re still meant to beat me there, though.”

Louis hummed and nodded in thanks to the employee who walked back to a computer and otherwise gave Louis his space. He fell into a seat and tried to think of something to say in response to Harry.

Shit, he’d never been like this with Harry. Ever. He’d seriously fucked up if it was this bad. What was it going to be like with him in person? God, Louis was almost craving Harry after their night on the phone, and being with him was going to be like one big test of Louis’ ability to keep from jumping him.

“Lou?”

Louis suddenly sat up because Harry sounded nervous. Why did he sound nervous?

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“I’m really sorry about the other night. I never should have taken it that far and pushed things when you weren’t ready for something like that. I’ve messed things up and made them awkward, and I’m just so very sorry.”

Louis’ mind began to whirl at a breakneck speed as Harry continued to apologise for… whatever he thought he’d done wrong. Why was he apologising? It was Louis who was making things weird, not Harry. If anyone should be apologising it should be him for saying things would be fine and then he had to go and start  _ wanting Harry. _ God.

Mark had told him that morning that he and Harry had a few scheduled things to do together while in Copenhagen as well, because apparently the fans were loving their interactions, but were craving them being physically together again. How the hell was Louis supposed to go and act like he was in a loved up relationship with Harry and had been for months when really he was starting to have feelings he shouldn’t have for his best friend and things had turned fucking awkward because of it?

And now Harry was apologising. Wait, why was he apologising? Louis tried to tune in a bit more to understand what Harry was babbling on about now, but he couldn’t make out where Harry had gotten to in his reasoning now. Was he apologising because he regretted it? Obviously he didn’t want it the way Louis did, that much was obvious and made sense, but was he going to want to pull back how much they talked? How much they cuddled, even when no one was around? That had always been a part of their relationship, but maybe now they’d crossed too many lines with the snogging and the damn phone sex, he needed to set stricter boundaries. How was Louis to know where Harry would put them?

The thing was, though, Louis was kind of relying on that. He didn’t get the physical and emotional support from his band or anyone with him the way he really needed. Only Harry ever knew how much Louis relied on that kind of affirmation, even platonically. He’d hoped that their random meet ups during tour would be enough to tide him over, once he realised how tired he got otherwise. How run down and near overworking himself he was without it. Was he going to lose that with Harry now too?

“No, no,” Louis finally said, cutting Harry off in the middle of some tirade he’d got to about… something. God, he deserved so much better than Louis in every way, even as just a best mate. Louis wasn’t even able to fully listen to Harry’s apology. “Harry, I’m the one who should be sorry. I said things wouldn’t get weird and then I was the one who made them weird, and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. Really.”

“Yeah?” Harry asked after a moment. “I mean, I think I kind of made it weird too.”

Louis snorted. “No, if you were weird at all I didn’t notice because I was too busy being awkward enough for the two of us.”

“Well, I thought you were just tired or something at first, but yeah. You were a bit off and I figured it was because of… yeah.”

“Yeah,” Louis sighed as he scrubbed his face. “I’m so sorry, H. I’m just working through some shit. I didn’t mean to make things weird.”

Harry hummed in response, but Louis knew his half arsed apology and lack of full explanation weren't enough. 

“Listen,” Louis said, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the wall behind him. “I really am trying to get my head figured out so I’m back to normal when I see you, okay? I’ll try to explain it all when I see you tonight. Or tomorrow. Whatever it’ll be when we’re together and coherent, okay?”

“Okay,” Harry agreed, but he sounded wary. 

Louis supposed he didn’t blame him. They’d never been like this before. Harry probably felt as lost with Louis acting like this as Louis himself was.

“Thanks, H. I’ll see you later, okay? Have fun tonight.”

After they hung up, Louis stared at his phone and ran his hands through his hair. He needed to get himself figured out and fast. They had almost six months left of being a “couple”, and Louis couldn’t afford to fuck that up just yet. 

*~~***~~*

Louis woke up to warmth wrapped around him and sighed happily, scooting back even further in Harry’s embrace. He was always cold and had a hard time sleeping in various hotel beds, but having Harry there to help warm him always made it easier. 

Harry must have arrived after Louis was already asleep, so he didn’t want to wake him up. Besides, knowing Harry, he’d awkwardly avoid the elephant in the room until Louis finally addressed the issue himself. It was how he and Harry had avoided a multitude of issues while in the band for years. They didn’t really have that luxury this time. 

“You wanna just talk about it now while we can’t look at each other and make it even worse?” Harry asked quietly. His voice was scratchy from disuse and Louis startled a little when he heard it. 

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Louis asked. “It’s got to be stupid o’clock, right?”

“I’ve dozed a little bit but haven’t been able to sleep,” Harry mumbled into Louis’ shoulder. “Wanted to know how to fix whatever happened. I want my best friend back and am afraid I ruined it that night.”

“No,” Louis said again, resting his hands on Harry’s at his waist. “No one ruined anything. Promise.”

Harry hummed. “I’m still sorry. I shouldn’t have forced that on you.”

“You didn’t force anything,” Louis promised. “I swear you didn’t. I was just worried. That I’d ruined things with you, and I’m so scared of losing you. You’ve been my best friend for so long I’m not sure I know how to function without you there if I need you.”

Louis didn’t want to get into the fact that he was so scared he’d ruined it because of the fact he’d developed a ridiculous crush and possibly more on him. It wasn’t really necessary anyway. The most important part of all of this was to get things with Harry back to how they’d been before. 

“I really thought you knew by now that you would have to work really hard to have anything like that actually happen,” Harry said, squeezing Louis around the waist. “I am sorry for making you doubt that.”

Louis sighed and waited for Harry to say more. Now was the time when he said they should absolutely never repeat what happened on the phone the other night again and avoid kissing unless it was needed for cameras, right? It seemed fairly obvious, but stating it would still be good, probably. At least with the way Harry had initiated the cuddles and wasn’t showing any signs of pulling back, it seemed like Louis wouldn’t lose that. There had to be new boundaries or limitations to what they did, though, and Louis was bracing himself for whatever it was.

“You okay?” Harry asked. “You’re quiet.”

Louis’ mind was racing now. Of course he was okay, but it felt like the other shoe was about to drop.

“Yeah,” Louis said tentatively. “Just figured you’d have more to say.”

Harry chuckled. “Nope. That was about it. Just want my Lou back.”

“Well, in that case, there’s no way I’m going to be able to get back to sleep so I think I’ll order room service. You get some sleep before the pap walk later, okay?”

Harry groaned. “Pap walks are so boring and annoying.”

“I know,” Louis said, chuckling as he sat up. 

“At least I can wear whatever the hell I want now,” Harry said. “Think my Rolling Stones shirt could handle a pap walk?”

“That shirt is entirely shredded, Harold. Have some dignity.”

Harry laughed into the pillow before going quiet and Louis knew he had fallen asleep already. He always could fall asleep at the drop of a dime, which was what made his inability to sleep when he arrived so strange. 

Pushing all of that to the side, Louis focused on what he wanted to have for breakfast and then jumped into the shower.

*~~***~~*

Jeff had told them in no uncertain terms that they were to ensure their affection was clear to anyone who looked at them for the pap walk. They’d started with just walking down the street holding hands, but he’d quickly texted that it wasn’t good enough.

Harry rolled his eyes and waved at the pap as he and Louis walked back to where they’d come out of the hotel. This time, Harry wrapped his arms around Louis and Louis hooked his thumb into Harry’s belt loop. He was wearing one of his ridiculous pairs of high waisted trousers he apparently paired with everything these days, but it was the perfect place for Louis to rest his hand, so he couldn’t complain too much.

They’d walked half the distance when Harry’s phone rang. 

“Oh my God,” Harry groaned as he pulled it out. “I’m firing him. I’m too tired for him to be complaining this much. Haven’t we always done a good enough job anyway?” Harry whined as he accepted the call. 

Louis laughed into Harry’s shoulder as Harry complained and eventually hung up. Leaning over and pressing a kiss into Louis’ temple, Harry said, “He’s going to tell the pap to follow us all the way to the cafe where we’re going to see the fans.”

“Yeah, alright.”

They made sure to talk and laugh and press as close to each other as they could, even kissing once or twice before going into the restaurant. 

The entire walk was pure torture to Louis. It was so easy to fall into how natural it was with them until he reminded himself it was very much not real, and not only was it not real, but Harry didn’t want it like he did. That, of course, made him think back with shame to  _ that _ night on the phone, and how his name sounded with Harry so worked up. It was the worst kind of spiral for him.

“What is going on with you?” Harry asked, nosing into Louis’ hair. “You’re blushing and you never blush.”

“Fuck,” Louis whispered and he knew his cheeks were burning even brighter now. “Nothing. Nothing.”

“Mmhmm,” Harry said, pulling back to study Louis even more. “I don’t believe you. It’s definitely something.”

“Come on, we’ve stood out here canoodling for long enough. I want food.” Louis grabbed Harry’s hand and dragged him, cackling, into the cafe behind him.

“Canoodling?” Harry asked. “Where did you even come up with that word?”

“I hate you so much,” Louis said, arching a brow at him. 

Luckily, the photos were enough for Jeff to give approval for them to be sent to the usual sources and Louis breathed a sigh of relief. It hadn’t been uncomfortable, but his constant yo-yoing emotions did make it more work than he was used to with Harry.

They stepped into the lift, planning to go back up to their room and catch up on some more sleep before their next outing with Harry’s band and team that night. 

As soon as the doors to the lift closed, Louis was pushed back into the lift wall, Harry’s front pressed against his.

“Oh, and what’s this?” Louis asked, already breathless just from having Harry so close. Louis’ hands had somehow made their way to Harry’s hips without even thinking about it, but before he could pull them back, Harry leaned in and pressed their lips together.

“Sometimes, I just really miss kissing. Don’t you miss kissing?” Harry asked as he leaned in and began to press his lips gently along Louis’ jaw, allowing him to still respond.

Or, at least he  _ would _ be able to if he could find his voice. Louis’ blood pressure was spiking and his entire body felt like it was in flames with Harry kissing him like that.

“God, Harry,” Louis moaned, his head falling back against the wall behind him. “I never really thought about it until you brought it up.” He sounded far more breathless and affected than he wanted to, but there wasn’t much he could do about it.

“I have,” Harry said. “When I’m single, like publicly and everything, it isn’t such a big deal because it feels like if I wanted to I could go out and find someone to kiss. But right now I feel like I can’t do that and it makes me want it  _ so bad.” _

“I’m sorry,” Louis apologised before Harry pressed a kiss to his lips again. Harry’s hands had moved so one was tenderly brushing his fingers through Louis’ hair and the other was gripping his shoulder so tight Louis wondered if there would be bruises after. The juxtaposition between the two made Louis even weaker.

Louis lost himself in it until the lift chimed, letting them know they’d arrived at their floor. Louis expected Harry to pull back and walk off, but as the doors opened, Harry just followed Louis’ head back and continued kissing Louis until goosebumps covered his entire body.

“Haz,” Louis said against Harry’s mouth, causing Harry to move down to his neck again, sucking a mark there. The doors started closing and Louis reached out to push the button that kept the doors open longer. “Our floor, we’re here.”

“Kay,” Harry said, pulling Louis by his hips as he tried to move backwards without pulling away from Louis so much.

It was the most wanted Louis had ever felt in his entire life. They bumped against walls and corners as they chuckled between kisses, slowly making their way to their room. He supposed this meant Harry didn’t want to stop their kisses either, then, and if this was how they would be for the rest of the time, Louis was more than happy to oblige. 

It was true what Louis had said, he hadn’t really missed kissing so much as general intimacy that could be had with a long time partner, but he wasn’t missing that with Harry. Their relationship wasn’t real in that way, but it felt real enough that Louis wasn’t feeling the lack either. Especially when Harry was sucking a mark into his neck like he was currently while Louis fumbled with the room key.

“Let me know if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable,” Harry said before pulling Louis’ shirt to the side and nibbling on his collarbone. “I promise I’ll never go further than you want us to. I just  _ really _ like kissing you.”

Louis let out a whine and nodded. “Yeah, okay.” 

Harry finally pulled back enough for Louis to see how ridiculous his hair looked, poking out at all angles. He looked as flushed as Louis felt, and his smile was more relaxed than it had been for ages.

“I’m guessing we won’t be having that nap, then?” Louis teased. “I’m good with an old fashioned makeout session, if you’d like.”

Harry chuckled before running his hands up and down Louis’ sides. “You’re the only one it’s okay I get caught kissing, but it still feels like a secret, does that make sense?”

Louis thought about it and shivered a little under Harry’s touch. “Yeah. It’s our secret that we’re doing this despite not needing to. Our secret that our teams don’t know, and a secret that we aren’t actually together from the public. Really, there’s just a fuckton of secrets going on with us right now.”

Harry nodded. “Just for a bit. Might as well enjoy it.”

Louis had to agree.

*~~***~~*

_ Harry: So… I’ve been thinking _

Harry had texted that and only that five hours ago. Louis had no idea what time that was for him, but he’d only just got to sleep after his concert in Sao Paulo last night. Why hadn’t he followed it up with anything? He’d had five hours.

_ Louis: Have you really? Because the fact you haven’t told me what you have supposedly been thinking about has me thinking you actually haven’t been. Are you the scarecrow from  _ the Wizard of Oz _ now? _

Harry, of course, didn’t respond, he was probably busy with something, so Louis jumped into the shower. Their flight wasn’t for another several hours and he’d hardly had time to sleep much less make a mess in the hotel room this time, so he was more than ready for a nice, long shower before yet another flight. 

When he got out, it looked like Harry had held an entire conversation by himself. 

_ Harry: I really was thinking, thankyouverymuch. No need to be rude.  _

_ Harry: Okay so we are dating each other essentially right? _

_ Harry: And kind of like with the snogging, I miss sex. I miss it so bad, Lou. It’s so much better with someone else, don’t you think? _

_ Harry: Anyway. I miss it because it doesn’t feel right to sleep with someone else when I’m meant to be dating you. Dunno if you feel the same, but I think you do.  _

_ Harry: And well, until you went weird on me, I thought the phone sex we had was actually pretty hot and we got over the awkwardness of it pretty well, didn’t we? So I was thinking maybe we could like… keep doing that.  _

_ Harry: Like keep having phone sex. Cause it’s not quite as far as full on sex but at least it could still help us feel more satisfied than just by ourselves, right? _

_ Harry: So anyway. At least while this whole thing was going on I thought maybe we could do that and have it be our secret like the snogging. If you’re up for it.  _

Louis sat and stared at the messages before reading them all over again. Harry… wanted to have phone sex again? On purpose? And he texted about it? He could be the most suave and charismatic man in the entire universe, hardly even trying and having everyone simply bend to his whims, and yet he wanted to hook up with Louis. Granted, at least half of it was due to the circumstances, but he obviously wasn’t disgusted by Louis if he wasn’t completely against the idea of their having phone sex and snogging. 

Sighing, Louis scrubbed his hair with a towel as he considered it. He definitely wasn’t getting over his… whatever it was he had found himself with for Harry. It felt like more than a crush but also it couldn’t possibly be like he’s in love with him. Absolutely not. No. But if he allowed them to continue doing  _ that,  _ and keep getting closer in that very intimate way, would he be pushed to that point? Could they get back to where they were before if he was? Would Louis be destroyed for the sake of some fake relationship mutual promo?

Louis closed his eyes and he could hear Harry moaning his name again. It had been  _ weeks  _ and it still felt imprinted in Louis’ mind. 

Picking up his phone, he quickly typed his response then threw his phone on the charger before getting ready for their flight. 

_ Louis: Sure, might as well, right?  _

Shit. 

*~~***~~*

“How is it that it’s still technically masturbation, and yet it feels so different when it’s like this?”

Louis worked to control his breathing, but he opened his eyes and looked at Harry through his screen. His eyes were heavy, probably due to how late it was wherever he was today, but looking just as sated as Louis felt. 

“It  _ could _ have something to do with being able to see my totally sexy bod,” Louis said with a ridiculous wink.

Harry let out a laugh before nodding. “Yeah, you got it. That’s definitely what it is.”

Louis did his best to not look Harry in the eye. That felt too intimate and he was worried Harry would be able to see how not friendly his feelings had become. As it was, he wasn’t sure staring at Harry’s bitten-pink lips was much better. They sat in silence for a bit, and Louis’ thoughts drifted slowly to how this was the last thing he’d expected to happen. Ever since Harry’s texts earlier in the week, things had changed at an alarming pace. They usually texted quite a bit around the insanity that was tour and worked in phone calls as much as they were able, but it felt to Louis like Harry was putting in even more effort than he already was. They were taking almost every opportunity they had to be alone and try to get each other off, and Harry had even started sexting Louis yesterday while he was still sleeping so he woke up to an incredibly long slew of messages from him and ended up taking care of himself before he’d even had a chance to put in his contacts.

Tonight was the first time they’d tried FaceTime during one of their phone sessions, though. It was… well. Louis imagined it was the closest he would ever get to actual sex with Harry and he was committing as much of it to memory that he possibly could, but he couldn’t help but wonder what exactly Harry thought they were doing. Louis was agreeing all too easily to everything Harry suggested these days simply because he liked pretending they were actual boyfriends while he could. He had to remind himself they weren’t occasionally, just to keep his feet grounded, but it was so easy to fall into and truly enjoy it all as well.

“You’re flying home tomorrow, right?”

Louis sighed and nodded. It was close to three in the morning now and his last show in South America had been just hours ago. The adrenaline from that as well as the high off his orgasm were both fading quickly and causing him to nearly doze off on Harry without having even cleaned himself up.

“Yeah, got a good break with just some festivals and special performances here or there until the US leg starts in… June? I think?” Louis shrugged. 

He was never very good at keeping his dates straight. It was a while away whatever it was, and the next several days were going to be able to be spent sleeping and seeing his family before heading out to be with Harry for most of what remained of his own European leg. But first, sleep in his own bed. He was more than ready for it.

“You’re joining me in Germany, right?” Harry asked. Louis watched as his view of Harry bounced around. It looked like Harry was moving to the bathroom to clean up.

“Uh, I think Belgium? Is that right?” Louis asked, scrubbing his face. “Fuck if I know, really. It’s next Sunday or Monday, that’s all I know.”

Harry groaned. “That’s so long though.”

Louis couldn’t help laughing as Harry pouted making himself look like a child despite his tattoos and incredible physique. “It’ll be soon enough.”

Harry opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then he turned to look at something off screen. “Shit, I think I’m running late and Jeff’s banging down my door. Gotta go, bye!”

The screen went dark and Louis rolled his eyes. Dropping his phone beside him, Louis sighed and looked around the room. He really should clean himself up before getting to sleep or he’d regret it. He should probably also pack his things so all he had to do in the morning was drag himself out of bed and go.

With his plan made, Louis groaned as he rolled himself off the bed, making sure he didn’t leave any mess behind him. He was almost to the bathroom when his phone chimed. Rushing back to make sure it wasn’t an emergency because of the hour, Louis picked up his phone and almost snorted when he saw the message.

_ Harry: Repeat this experience after my show tonight? You’ll be awake because of the jet lag anyway ;) _

_ Louis: Only if you’re lucky, Styles _

Harry sent back a slew of shamrock emojis that kept Louis smiling all the way through his shower and still hadn’t left when he fell into a deep sleep after.

*~~***~~*

It had been something like three weeks since Louis had seen Harry. That wasn’t anything like a record for them, but it felt like it. It was almost like their increased phone calls and texts, not to mention how much phone sex they’d been having, had ramped up Louis’ need for Harry. 

He felt pretty awful about the day before. He’d finally found a day that worked for Lottie to get together with him and the twins so they could all be together for an afternoon, and Louis was distracted by his phone more often than not. It wasn’t his fault Harry had been talking about how much he missed Louis and had started detailing all sorts of things Louis shouldn’t have been thinking about while in the presence of his sisters.

All that said, Louis wasn’t actually sure what would happen between them physically once they were together again. Last time it had been a lot of snogging, which was great, but Harry had also taken the initiative to get them regularly having sex while separated. Was he going to want to continue that? Would it be mutual masturbation? He’d been pretty clearly drawing a line between actual sex and phone sex when he was texting Louis about it a couple of weeks ago. Louis wasn’t sure if that would keep now or not.

Then again, he didn’t really care either. He was perfectly happy with the nightly cuddles and snogs. And, if he remembered correctly, it was during this trip that Harry and Louis were even doing a joint interview to further along their relationship with the general public. 

It would be their first, and Louis was more than a bit nervous. He hadn’t known what to expect, but the fans were more than supportive and as far as he knew the public was too. All the same, this was the first time they weren’t just going to be some photos and a headline or one of the two talking about the other to a DJ or television personality. They were going to be doing a full interview and some fun games for the magazine to post online later with the interview being geared towards the public at large.

Louis shook his head. They had days before that happened. Mark hadn’t even flown with Louis today. He’d be joining them in Munich which was when the majority of their publicity was going to start. Before that, it was going to mainly be focused on the two of them hitting social media through various accounts and fan interactions. That Louis could handle.

In fact, as soon as Louis arrived at the venue from the airport their social media attack would begin. Mitch had been making fun of Harry all day on his Instagram, according to Harry, with him and Sarah pretending to be pining after Louis. It would all be culminating with Harry and Louis having a ridiculously over-dramatic reunion on his stories, and then Louis would basically be on everyone’s social media after that. 

He and Harry had already planned it all out. They’d pretend to run at each other in slow motion before Louis would jump into Harry’s arms like he had when they were put into the band on the X Factor. That was one of their fans’ favourite moments for the two of them anyway, so they thought it would be fun to recreate it ten years later for them.

The car pulled up to the venue and Louis forced himself back to the present. It was time to have some fun and enjoy the company of his best friend.

Louis was chatting with some of the members of staff he recognised as he walked towards the dressing rooms when he heard his name being yelled from around a corner.

“Harry?” Louis shouted back.

“Louis!” 

“Oh God, get filming, he’s running already,” someone instructed. It sounded like Adam, but Louis couldn’t be sure.

Louis turned the corner and saw Harry already stupidly running slowly towards him. Louis dropped his bags and started doing his own version of a slow run before Harry said, “Now!” They then actually ran towards each other and Louis jumped at Harry when they were close enough. 

Harry’s arms closed around him and held him tight as Louis’ arms and legs wrapped Harry up just as tight, but Harry’s balance was a bit off. 

“Shit shit shit,” Louis shrieked, putting an arm out in an attempt to brace them against the wall. “Don’t you dare drop me!”

“This was much easier when we were younger,” Harry said, giggling into Louis’ shoulder. 

“I hate you, you better not be implying anything about my weight,” Louis warned.

“Of course not, darling.” Harry twirled them in a slow circle once he’d found his balance and pulled his face back to smile at Louis. “Hey.”

Louis smiled back. “Hey.”

Harry’s eyes flicked down to Louis’ lips, and that’s the only warning he got before Harry dove in for a hard, deep kiss. Louis let out a very manly squeak in surprise before he released his legs and let himself slip to the floor, still kissing Harry.

“This wasn’t part of the plan,” Mitch complained loudly. “Fuck.”

Louis laughed into Harry’s mouth before opening his eyes and peeking over Harry’s shoulder. Mitch and Adam were both messing on their phones as they walked back the way they had come, crew members bustling around them as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

“Well, I should probably go back and grab my bags, then maybe you can show me to your dressing room so you can get all that fixed back up again?”

Harry’s eyes widened before he lifted his hands to his hair. “Did I ruin it all already? Shit.”

“Not completely,” Louis chuckled. “It’s still better than your hair was for the red carpet at the Brits.”

“Yeah, thanks for that,” Harry said, pouting as they walked to where Louis’ bags were sitting abandoned. “You said it looked just fine and then I learned it was sticking up everywhere!”

Louis squished up his nose in an attempt to keep from laughing. It didn’t do anything to stop his smile, but it did help him hold back the absolute glee in his voice. “I didn’t think you believed me, in my defense.”

The two of them bickered the entire way back to Harry’s dressing room. 

“Look who the cat dragged in.”

Louis gasped and rushed forward to wrap Gemma in a hug. “I didn’t know you were going to be here too!” he cried. 

Gemma laughed before making a sound of protest and pushing Louis away. “It’s just for tonight. Michal and I fly back in the morning.”

“Well what a fun surprise,” Louis said, absolutely genuine. “Where is Michal?”

“I think that Ny and Charlotte stole him away for something,” Gemma said, waving her hand around before picking up her wine glass again. “So what have you been up to?”

Louis cuddled up to Gemma, feeling just as comfortable with her as he would with his own sisters, and had fun catching up while Harry was busy getting ready.  They were finally made aware of their surroundings when Helene came in and started taking photos of the two of them.

“That’s going to be worthless for his marketing, love,” Louis teased before getting up to give her a hug. 

“I’ll post it on my Instagram for a throwback Thursday or something and I’m sure the fans will love it,” Helene said before settling down beside the two of them. “It’s almost time to head out. Are you doing backstage or wanting to go to the floor?”

“I’m knackered, so figured I would do backstage tonight,” Louis said. Turning to Gemma he asked, “You?”

Gemma shrugged. “Same.”

“Great,” Helene said before walking back towards Harry. “I’ll be sure to come by and get some photos with you side stage then.”

There was a flurry of activity from that point forward, and Louis lost himself in it. It was a soothing kind of familiar for him, but also relaxing because it wasn’t him that needed to be on stage. When it was time for Harry to take the stage, Louis, Gemma, and Michal made their way to the stage and had fun dancing and singing along. 

Harry was just making his way to the B stage about halfway through the concert when Gemma nudged Louis.

“What?” Louis asked, wary. 

Gemma was looking at him kind of funny, and he didn’t understand why. He’d been on Instagram stories showing all three of them dancing and singing along to Harry as well as showing some of his view from the side. He was sure the fans would enjoy it, but he’d noticed Gemma watching him almost as often as she was watching her brother which was strange.

“Something’s changed with you two,” she said, cocking her head to the side. “I’m going to figure out what it is by the end of the night.”

Louis squished up his nose at her as he willed his cheeks to not burn with a blush. Gemma did not need to know any of the subtle things that had changed. After all, Harry had said it himself when Louis had last seen him in Copenhagen. It was their secret to have. 

“No idea what you’re talking about,” Louis claimed, turning his attention back to Harry’s band members that were still on the main stage. “Nothing’s changed since the last time I saw you.”

“You’re a dirty, dirty liar, Tomlinson,” Gemma said, eyes narrowed as she poked her bony finger into his chest. 

Louis rolled his eyes and turned back to the stage in time to watch Harry climb up and trip on his way. It was his own bloody fault wearing those ridiculously wide leg trousers with the extra large cuffs. There was entirely too much fabric for him to be able to move without braining himself.

“Oh my God, of course,” Gemma said with a gasp. “Fucking hell, you love him!”

Louis choked on his spit as he turned to her, coughing. “What?” he croaked. “No I don’t, why would you say that?”

“Of course you do,” she continued, arms waving now as she ignored her brother’s performance in favour of confronting Louis about his feelings. “You’ve always loved each other, but it’s more now. You’re  _ in love _ with him!”

Louis sputtered, but couldn’t say anything back to her. It all came out as half-formed words and gibberish. As Gemma continued to look at him with a sense of pride for figuring it out, Louis slumped against the wall. He was just glad things were so loud that no one else could hear them despite the fact they were yelling at each other at the moment.

“I’m not admitting to anything,” he finally said. It was the best he could do, but it was still essentially admitting she was right.

“You already have,” she said, patting his cheek. “It’s okay. I won’t tell him. I’ll let you do that. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Louis sighed and gave her a small smile. “Thanks, Gem.”

“A word of advice?” she said, finally starting to pull back and moving towards Michal again. 

“Yeah?”

“Your face gives you away. If you don’t want anyone else to figure it out, you’re going to have to be more careful about that.”

“What?” Louis cried, arms raising up. “I can’t help that! How am I supposed to hide that?”

Gemma smiled widely and shrugged. “You’ll figure it out. Or not. Whatever.”

Louis stuck his tongue out and turned his focus back to Harry on stage. His heart was racing from the conversation. He had hardly come to the understanding for himself that he was in love with Harry, it was a little daunting having someone else know as well. It was kind of nice too, though. 

The next song was  _ Kiwi, _ and Louis loved how much Harry threw himself into the song. He lost himself in it as well and told himself he could deal with what Gemma said later.

*~~***~~*

“I saw the photos Helene got of you and Gemma and they look great,” Mark said with a yawn. “Your Instagram activity was perfect, too. Showing how close you are with his sister is exactly what helps sell all of this. Now be sure to post some photos on your actual account— not just stories, yeah? Photos of you and Harry together and along with everything else it should be perfect. Good job tonight, Louis.”

“Thanks,” Louis said from where he was laying on the bed in the hotel room waiting for Harry to finish his shower. They’d left the venue without even giving him time to change in an attempt to get to the hotel sooner. Louis really wanted a bed to sleep in. He was impressed he’d made it through the whole concert considering he was basically dead on his feet. 

“Alright. Enjoy the break from me and keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Thanks, Mark.” Louis hung up and pulled himself off the bed. There was no way he was sleeping in the same clothes he’d worn for what felt like days. It hadn’t been that long, of course, but long flights always felt that way.

Louis pulled his shirt over his head and had just pulled down his joggers to toss into his luggage as well when Harry came out of the bathroom.

“Well well well,” Harry drawled out. “What a welcome.”

Louis looked over his shoulder before stepping the rest of the way out of the joggers. It was harder to focus on what he was doing and not losing his balance than it usually was, but he supposed that was what happened when Harry was standing in front of him with the towel barely covering himself and water droplets still running down his chest. Fuck, he was trying to kill Louis prematurely. 

It was strange, actually. They’d shared hotel rooms and tour buses a million times over the years in the band and Louis had seen Harry naked more times than he could count. He was sure that Harry standing in front of him wearing only a low slung towel around his waist and one on his head exactly as he was now had happened numerous times. Why was it affecting him so strongly now?

Pulling himself together, Louis stood up and tossed his joggers at Harry. “Fuck off.”

“Hmm, normally I would,” Harry said slowly, dropping Louis’ joggers on his own luggage and sauntering towards Louis, “but I’ve actually got you in the room with me instead of just over the phone. Thought I’d take advantage of that.”

Louis swallowed harshly and tried to keep his hands from shaking. “Oh? How so?” His voice was much more steady than he’d anticipated and he was quite proud of that.

Harry stopped when he was inches from Louis and lightly dragged his finger from Louis’ wrist all the way up his arm until he was able to outline his chest piece. “Well, ever since you told me all the things you wanted to do to me a couple of days ago, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and thought maybe I could try some of them on you.”

Louis was quite sure he would never breathe normally again. Hell, he’d be lucky if his heart didn’t jackrabbit entirely out of his chest. Harry had his palm flat on Louis now, right in the centre where his small patch of chest hair grew in. He had to know the kind of effect he had on Louis, yet he couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed by that.

“Really?” Louis whispered. “You want to actually do that?”

Harry smiled, looking a little bashful now that Louis was questioning him. With a small shrug, Harry bit his lip and pulled his hand back to himself. Louis immediately felt cold and wished Harry was touching him again.

“Well, yeah. You’re fucking sexy, Lou.”

It was official. Louis had passed out on the bed as soon as he’d finished his phone call with Mark. None of this was real, it couldn’t be. Except there Harry was, standing in front of Louis, looking unsure of himself and what he’d just suggested thanks to the fact that Louis was so caught off guard he couldn’t even say yes properly. It had to be real. If it was a dream, Harry would know better than to be unsure of whether Louis wanted him like that.

“Okay,” Louis finally said, breathing fast enough he was getting a little light-headed. He needed to calm himself down before he passed out. That wasn’t the way he wanted this evening to end.

Harry’s head had dropped a little, but when Louis spoke it jerked back up so Harry could look Louis in the eyes. “Yeah?”

Louis snorted. “Yeah. You’re fucking sexy, too, you know?”

Harry smirked and closed the distance between them. “I may have heard that before.”

“Okay, you know what? I changed my mind,” Louis teased, pushing Harry away so he could pretend to pull pyjamas out of his luggage. “If you’re gonna be a cocky shit I don’t want you touching me.”

“No no no,” Harry said, laughing and pulling Louis back into him. Louis leaned back into Harry’s chest and let his arms wrap around his waist. “I mean, I  _ have _ heard that before, but it means more coming from you.”

Louis hummed and patted Harry’s hand. “Now you’re getting somewhere.”

Harry started kissing down Louis’ neck and nipped at his shoulder lightly. “Wanna know what I was thinking? Or do you want it to be a surprise?”

Louis’ mind was racing in an attempt to think of what he’d said to Harry in the midst of his dirty talk a few days ago. He couldn’t think of it, but also he wasn’t sure he was against anything Harry could imagine for him. He wanted everything with him and was desperate enough to accept whatever Harry was willing to offer.

“Surprise me,” Louis whispered.

Harry turned Louis around and leaned in for a deep, thorough kiss. Louis followed him with his mouth when Harry tried to pull away, instead keeping them connected at as many points as he possibly could while Harry guided him to the bed.

“Tell me if you want me to stop, okay?”

Louis agreed, but he already knew he never would.

*~~***~~*

“You guys are really cute, you know that?”

Louis smiled at Adam but didn’t say anything just yet. He was still trying to wake up. He’d fallen asleep leaning against Harry on their way to the venue in Munich. It hadn’t even been that long of a drive, but they’d left Cologne early that morning and had gone right to work with their joint interview and filming the games  _ Mod Mag _ had prepared for them. That combined with the fact that Harry had been keeping Louis up incredibly late every night since he’d arrived left Louis exhausted but more sated than he’d been in years, possibly ever.

“You two are really close, even for best friends,” Adam continued, giving Louis a smirk. 

“Oh, God, not you too,” Louis muttered, rubbing his eyes. 

“Ooooh, so I’m not the first to comment?” Adam asked, looking more excited about the prospect than Louis felt he should. “Is it just because you two have got so good at acting like you’re together you can’t stop now? Or is it something else entirely?”

Louis narrowed his eyes. “I had no idea you were such a gossip, Prendergast.”

Adam shrugged and looked unrepentant. “Always been this way, what can I say. It’s one of Emi’s favourite things about me.”

Louis snorted. “I’m sure.”

“So?” Adam asked, arching a brow and leaning closer to Louis. “Which is it? You can tell me.”

“Tell you what?” Louis asked, wearily. He really did need a decent night’s sleep. He was incredibly glad that they didn’t need to be anywhere tomorrow so no matter how late they were up tonight they could be sure to sleep in tomorrow.

“Are you two just acting like you’re this close or are you more than just friendly after all?”

“Why don’t you ask Harold?” Louis asked before turning and falling down so he was laying on the couch. He was glad Harry always had his ugly as fuck throw pillows while travelling. Louis was just going to snuggle up with one now and take a nap. 

“Why would I ask him when I’ve got you right here?” Adam asked.

“Maybe because Harry’s actually your friend and I’m trying to sleep,” Louis mumbled, his eyes closed.

Adam gasped. “I am offended, Louis Tomlinson. I thought we were friends and you’re forsaking me for some sleep.”

“Yep,” Louis said, smiling. “Love you, now let me sleep.”

Adam grumbled something under his breath but left the room blessedly quiet when he closed the door behind himself. Louis sighed happily and was almost asleep when the lights were flipped on in the room, jolting out of sleep. Again.

“The fuck?” Louis whined.

“Shit, sorry,” Harry said before turning the lights off again. “Is it okay if I light candles instead?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Louis said with a yawn before tucking himself back into the couch. “Come cuddle me.”

Soon enough, Louis felt Harry’s warmth behind him as he slid himself onto the couch and tried to arrange them so they were both comfortable and not in danger of falling off.

“Sorry you’re so sleep deprived during your time off,” Harry whispered as he nosed into Louis’ neck.

“No you aren’t,” Louis countered. “Don’t lie.”

Harry snorted softly. “Yeah, alright. You’re right. I’m not sorry. But I am sorry it’s left you so tired.”

Louis hummed at that. “It’s okay. Worth it.”

Harry smiled against Louis’ neck. It was stupid that something as small as that caused Louis to feel so settled and happy. Louis was in stupid deep.

Now that Louis was warm and comfortable with the scent of vanilla bean and cinnamon surrounding them thanks to the candles Harry lit, Louis couldn’t doze off. He hated when his body was like that.

It was okay, though, because it gave him time to think. Harry had been… different. At first Louis thought he was just jet lagged or maybe thrown off by the fact that Harry was actually interested in sleeping with Louis. It wasn’t that, though. It had been days now, and while it was still fairly early into this particular change in their relationship, Louis had always been able to read Harry.

He wasn’t able to anymore. Worse still, Louis couldn’t figure out when he’d lost that ability. Was it his fault? Was he so lost in himself that he wasn’t able to figure out his best friend anymore? Or was it Harry trying to block him out and wearing a mask with Louis like he did with so many others causing it? 

If it was Harry, that didn’t entirely make sense either. Louis used to be able to see past the mask Harry wore in public or when he was in an interview, etc. He was having a hard time doing that now.

Or maybe Louis was looking too deep into it all. Overthinking always had been an issue of his, and now he was probably applying it to Harry. He just felt a strange dichotomy between feeling so happy, so grounded, because of how things were with Harry and the frustration and not being able to tell if Harry felt the same. 

“Stop thinking so much,” Harry mumbled, tightening his arms around Louis’ waist. “I can feel how hard you’re thinking and we’re supposed to be relaxing.”

Louis huffed a laugh. Harry obviously had no problem figuring Louis out. It was apparently just Louis with that difficulty at the moment. He wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse, but he was pretty sure it was the latter.

“I’ll try,” Louis said, squeezing Harry’s hand. “Can we turn around? I think that might help.”

“‘Course.”

They shifted around, doing their best not to elbow each other or get their legs tangled until finally Louis was able to loop his arm around Harry and hold on to him from behind. Louis took a deep breath and finally felt himself start to fully relax again. There was something soothing about holding on to Harry like this.

“I like being little spoon,” Harry mumbled, sounding just as tired as Louis felt. 

“I know, love,” Louis said. “Now sleep. You’ve only got twenty minutes before you’ve got places to be again.”

Harry hummed, and with that, they were both finally able to doze off.

*~~***~~*

Louis walked out of the shower and into their suite overlooking the gorgeous streets of Vienna. They’d had a fairly relaxed day between shows considering, and Louis had always loved Vienna.

He hadn’t expected Harry to be sitting on the bed with a stormy expression when he’d finished cleaning up, though. He had figured they would follow what had happened every other night for the past week and they’d have a bit of fun in bed before eventually falling asleep. Maybe tonight would be the exception.

“What’s up, Haz?” Louis asked, still running the towel through his hair. He walked over to the bed and sat down so he was facing Harry.

Harry glanced at Louis then closed his eyes and huffed a sigh. “They think we need to have a fight.”

Louis chuckled. “I’m sorry, who’s they? What kind of fight?”

Harry didn’t even need to say anything, his glare in Louis’ direction was enough to have him raising his hands and backing up.

“Just wondering,” Louis said gently before turning and pulling some soft joggers out of his luggage.

“Fuck, sorry,” Harry said, giving an unamused chuckle. “If I keep going like this we won’t have to fake a fight. You’ll be angry with me for real.”

“If you seriously think I’d be angry with you for one stroppy night, you seriously underestimate the mood swings I dealt with from you whilst in the band,” Louis said as he walked to the full length mirror. He fussed with his hair a bit, but when Harry remained quiet, Louis looked over his shoulder and saw Harry had thrown himself face down onto the bed.

Sighing, Louis finished running his fingers through his hair so it wouldn’t be absolutely tangled in the morning and walked over to the bed, jumping on top of Harry.

“I hate you,” Harry mumbled into the duvet. 

“Come on,” Louis wheedled, rolling off so he could try to get Harry to actually look at him as he spoke. “Just tell me, will you?”

Harry shifted so he was on his side, facing Louis. “Jeff said in order to make things look real we need to have a fight.”

Louis screwed his face up. “When was this decided, because I spoke to Mark right before my shower and he didn’t mention anything about this. Also,” Louis sat up as he physically prepared himself to give Harry all the reasons why this was ridiculous, “if we were really a couple, our teams would do absolutely everything possible to gloss over any fights we would actually have. Right?”

“That’s what I said,” Harry said, voice rising to the same level Louis’ was already at. “Jeff said it wouldn’t be anything actually published or hugely public, just that there would be a small spat in front of some fans who would talk about it a little before we show everyone how loved up we actually are again or something stupid.”

Louis arched his brow. “I suppose I could call you a curly haired cunt again. I always liked that one.”

“I fucking hate that one.”

“I know,” Louis said with a smirk. “Hence why I’d use it. You’re not a good enough actor to actually pretend you’re angry with me otherwise.”

“Excuse you,” Harry said, huffing. “I was literally in a Christopher Nolan film and have been offered parts since then.”

“Yes, yes, and you were wonderful, love.” Louis patted Harry’s head and then laid down to snuggle up to him. “But this is all null and void because we aren’t doing this, right?”

Harry sighed. “I really don’t want to.”

“Okay, then we won’t. Should we get on our socials and post a selfie or some artistic shit you like to post to show everyone how much we love each other?” Louis asked.

“Yeah. Let’s do it on mine. You’ve been posting too much about me and not enough about your own tour since you’ve been here.”

“It’s fine,” Louis said, moving so Harry could roll over and grab his work phone. “Let me just grab a top.”

“Why?” Harry asked.

Louis was already bent over his luggage. Pausing as he rifled through to find a clean option, he peeked around his arm and saw Harry was already aiming his phone in Louis’ direction.

“Oi! Are you taking photos of me right now? I’m half dressed, Styles!”

“Yeah, and you’re my boyfriend who’s living with me while visiting me on tour. Seems natural I’d see you in all states of undress, doesn’t it?” Harry waggled his eyebrows at Louis before focusing on his phone again.

Louis sighed and held up the first clean top he found. “Even if it’s one of your t-shirts the fans know and love?”

“Wait, have you had that this entire time?” Harry asked, finally dropping his phone for a moment. “I’ve been looking for that, you know. I’m not allowed to wear my George Harrison one in public yet. I’m lucky they let me wear one that says, ‘But Daddy, I love him.’”

Louis looked down at the red print and shrugged. “Yeah, sorry. So can I wear this one for our photo shoot or am I meant to remain shirtless while you’re all fully clothed and modest?”

Harry honked out one of his laughs and grabbed Louis’ arm, pulling him into his chest tightly. “I want you just as you are,” he whispered as he nosed along Louis’ temple. 

“I am always amazed how fast you’re able to switch the mood like that,” Louis said, sounding breathless. He hated how obvious it always was that he was so affected by Harry.

“Smile, Lou,” Harry whispered.

“What?” Louis asked. He pulled back from Harry, looking up at him. It was then he realised his arm was held out and taking photo after photo. “Harold, why can’t you warn me before you do that? Can’t I pose for a photo with you for once?”

“Nope,” Harry said, pulling back with a smile as he started scrolling through his photos. “You’re too perfect that way. I like when not everything is completely in place.”

Louis snorted. “I’m never perfect in photos.”

“Agree to disagree,” Harry murmured as he sat on the bed. “Here, I like these ones. What about you?”

When Louis had pulled Harry’s top on, he decided he should take a photo of himself just for fun. Angling the phone down so he could still get his face in the frame as well as the words, he took a few photos. Happy with the result, he sat beside Harry and leaned into him to see what photos he was talking about. 

There were three, all in black and white, and the way he’d cropped them really did look beautiful. Harry had a knack for that. He would often take photos of things Louis had originally thought of as completely ordinary and make him fall in love with them, seeing them as works of art after Harry’s been able to work with them, himself included.

“Yeah, those are good,” Louis said softly. 

Clearing his throat then— in an attempt to keep himself from staring at the photos longer than was probably healthy— Louis picked up his own phone. Choosing one of the photos, Louis cropped it how he wanted and decided against any filters before getting to the caption. He thought for a moment, and then had an idea.

Typing quickly, he hit post before he could overthink it.  _ What would I give to live where you are?  _ stared back at him, and felt proud of the double entendre. 

“I’m so tired,” Harry said with a sigh before he stood and plugged his phone in. “Do you think we could get an early night and just snuggle?”

“Of course, love.” Louis gave one more look at the photo he’d just posted before scrolling to Harry’s and making sure to like it and leave a heart emoji as a comment. Then he plugged his own in and climbed under the covers.

Once the darkness had settled into the room and they were curled around each other comfortably, Harry spoke again.

“Do you think they’ll let us just ignore them like this?” 

“Probably not for long,” Louis said. “But we can push back a little until they force it from us, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Harry said, leaning up to kiss Louis on the forehead. “I’m so glad it’s you I’m doing this with.”

Louis smiled. “Same. I can’t imagine it any other way.”

*~~***~~*

It had been several years since Louis had felt like a school child sent to the headmaster’s office. He’d kind of hoped not to repeat that sort of experience now that he was twenty-eight years old. 

Unfortunately, that was exactly how he felt.

“Listen,” Jess said, offering Louis a smile. “It could even be something as small as having one of his band members going live and hearing the two of you saying something general in the background before they end it suddenly and that’s it. Nothing more after that. But we do think something would be best.”

“You’ve got to do it tonight,” Mark said, looking at his phone and typing something in. “As I’m sure you’re well aware, we all leave Russia tomorrow and are back to the separate camps which makes seeding a small fight much more difficult.”

“Okay, but why do we need to do this again?” Harry asked. “It seems very out of left field when up until now you’ve all been telling us to be more physical in public, sell it as the perfect loved up, long term relationship.”

“Well, you’re going to be breaking up in a matter of months,” Jeff said so matter of factly, it felt like he’d slapped Louis. “We have to show that things aren’t as perfect as they’ve been made to look so when the breakup is announced there are some signs for them to point back to. It’s a long term relationship that wouldn’t just end overnight, but that’s how it will feel to them so we have to give them some signs of trouble in paradise, so to speak.”

Louis’ heart was racing. It was June already. It felt like October was ages away still, but Jeff was right. Especially since their tour schedules combined with various festivals they had both committed to they wouldn’t be spending much time together again until Louis’ tour was over at the end of July, and by then he was hoping to be focusing on songwriting sessions for his second album again.

He didn’t want this to end. He wasn’t ready for it to end. He had grown so used to having Harry beside him, with him at almost every junction of this crazy ride, he didn’t really know what he would do without having him there.

Then again, Louis supposed that he wasn’t entirely losing Harry. It was only their fake relationship that he would be losing. He’d still have his best friend, right?

Louis entirely missed several pieces of the conversation as he tried to hold off the downward spiral of anxiety. He knew that he and Harry both assumed things would go back to how they'd been before afterwards, but he'd also have to deal with the awkwardness of them going back to being just friends after being so intimate. After all, how often did it work out that exes actually truly did remain friends? He also couldn't help but be scared that everything that had changed for them during all of this would mean that Louis would be left nursing a broken heart when he was reminded that Harry never had cared for him in a non-platonic sense.

“Hey,” Harry whispered, nudging Louis with his shoulder. “You okay?”

Louis blinked and looked up from where he’d been staring at the carpet in front of Mark’s shoes. “Oh, right. Yes. Yeah, I’m fine.” Louis gave Harry a wan smile and turned his attention back to Jess and Harry’s PR person. They were still giving instructions on how exactly they needed Louis and Harry to perform their supposed argument since time had run out for them to plan it themselves.

Harry’s gaze remained on Louis for a few minutes, but Louis pretended he didn’t notice. He didn’t want to have to answer any questions, so he did his best to act like everything was fine, everything was normal even though it was nothing close to that. At least for Louis. He’d known there was an end date for this the entire time, but the fact they were already preparing for the end now hit him harder than he’d anticipated.

He nodded his way dumbly through the rest of the meeting as they laid out exactly how they would continue to give clues that Harry and Louis were perhaps not as happy as they might seem over the next couple of months. Social media interactions would start to go down, less time physically together, stop answering questions about each other in interviews, etc. Hearing it all laid out as it was, Louis started to feel numb, like he was watching his life from the perspective of someone else, all while trying not to cry and mourn a relationship he wanted so badly to be real but never was.

Things finally ended and they had around half an hour before they were meant to join Harry’s band at the ping pong tables for their staged fight. As soon as they were left alone, Louis sank back into the corner of the couch and curled up. 

“Okay, seriously. You’re not okay. What’s going on?”

Louis looked up at Harry, and he suddenly felt so exhausted. Exhausted from the constant travelling. The lying, to himself, the fans, even to Harry. All of it was catching up to him, and he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t. At the same time, what was he meant to tell Harry? He couldn't very well explain that he’d accidentally fallen in love with him during this whole charade and now he didn’t want it to end. But what else was he meant to say?

Shaking his head, a few tears slipped out. Angry at himself for being so tired and overemotional about all of this, Louis wiped at them with his palms and shook his head.

“I don’t even know,” he finally said before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Closing his eyes, Louis basked in the quiet Harry allowed him to have and pulled together his thoughts. “I feel so ridiculous because everything is going so well and coming together perfectly, and I’m just tired and crying over it.”

“It’s okay, Lou. This year has been really crazy and pretty non-stop. I can hardly believe it’s ending already.”

Louis felt Harry’s hand around his ankle and he wanted so badly to be wrapped up in Harry’s arms, but he’d have to do without entirely again soon, so he also couldn’t allow himself to sink into Harry right now. He had to start reminding himself what it was like to go without seeing Harry for months at a time. 

“Yeah,” Louis said, nodding slowly. “Yeah.”

The two of them sat in silence after that, and Louis did his best to realign himself emotionally in an attempt to prepare for an end he’d always known was coming.

*~~***~~*

Louis climbed into the tour bus bed he had claimed as his own as soon as he was done showering. They had a day off tomorrow, which he was thankful for after three nights of shows in a row, but they still had to drive to Washington D.C. overnight, so he was more than ready to allow himself to doze off as the bus rocked him to sleep.

He finally found his phone in the blankets where he’d tossed it before hoisting himself up. He’d ignored it after the show, telling himself he was just trying to finish his post show clean up routine as quickly as he could so he could get to the bus and fall asleep.

Seeing two missed calls from Harry and an unanswered text from him as well, Louis couldn’t keep lying to himself. He hadn’t been ignoring him so to speak, but he wasn’t doing much better than he had after their first night having phone sex months ago either. 

Taking a deep breath, he unlocked his phone and opened the text from Harry. Shame washed over Louis when he realised he hadn’t answered the past four texts from him.

_ Harry: Third show in a row tonight, right? You’ve almost got a break! You can do it! _ _   
_ _ Harry: We going to be able to talk afterwards tonight? I miss you. _ _   
_ _ Harry: Okay, well break a leg, Lou _ _   
_ __ Harry: Don’t cut me out completely, okay? I don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing, but please talk to me.

“Shit.” Louis scrubbed his face. He’d planned on answering Harry’s text and leaving it at that, but now he knew he couldn’t. Harry deserved a phone call.

Steeling himself to hear Harry’s voice and probably get a lecture from him about ignoring him, Louis hit call and held the phone to his ear.

“Lou?”

“Hey,” Louis said quietly. 

Harry sighed into the phone, and Louis heard him shift around. It sounded like he was in bed, and he now felt bad for calling. He hadn’t thought Harry had called him that long ago, but he honestly hadn’t paid much attention to the time stamps either.

“I didn’t think you’d actually call.”

Harry’s voice was quiet and timid. Louis couldn’t remember the last time he’d sounded like that with him. He was ashamed that he’d done that to Harry. How was he supposed to protect himself if doing so hurt Harry? Was it worth it?

Probably not.

“I deserve that,” Louis said, curling in on himself. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s been almost two weeks. What’s going on?”

Louis pursed his lips. “I…” Groaning in frustration, he shook his head even though he knew Harry couldn’t see him. “I’m not really ready to talk about it yet, Haz. I’m sorry.”

“Oh.”

It was only one syllable, but Louis could hear the obvious hurt in it. He hadn’t thought he could feel worse about everything than he already was, but he had been incredibly wrong. He felt like Harry had just stabbed him with that one word filled with disappointment. It was then he knew. He had to tell Harry the truth. He just couldn’t do it now, he had to figure out how to do it and when, but there was no way it was happening over the phone while they were on opposite sides of the United States.

“Look,” Louis took a deep breath and hoped this would be good enough for now. “I promise, I’ll tell you later, but I’ve got to work through this and make sense of it all before I can do that, okay?” Louis wasn’t sure he believed in a God, but he was sending out prayers to the universe at large that Harry would wait for him to be ready to share his fears.

Harry sighed and finally said, “Yeah.” After another moment of quiet, Harry said, “I miss you.”

“Fuck,” Louis muttered, covering his eyes. “I miss you too, so fucking much.”

“What time is it?” Harry asked. “Shit, it’s like two where you are. Get some rest, okay? We can talk more tomorrow. Just don’t ignore me again, okay?”

Louis pursed his lips and nodded despite the fact he knew Harry couldn’t see him. “Yeah, Yeah. Promise.” Louis held his breath and then finally allowed himself to ask Harry for something he probably didn’t deserve, but he’d been sleeping like such shit lately he really needed  _ something  _ to help ensure he got a good night’s rest. This was the only way he could think of it happening. “Do you mind staying on the phone with me? Tell some sort of stupid long story until I fall asleep?”

“Heyyyy,” Harry drawled out. “My stories are amazing.”

“Amazingly meandering,” Louis corrected, smiling to himself. “Please?”

“Sure.”

Tomorrow Louis could figure out how he was going to admit it all to Harry and how to account for the fall out. For now, he needed to rest and Harry was being kind enough to gift him with possibly his last decent night of sleep before he potentially ruined everything between them.

*~~***~~*

Louis’ concert in Washington D.C. last night had been rough and he knew that tonight in Philadelphia was going to be even worse. He needed a break and he had a short one coming up soon, but he still had a few shows to get through first.

It was fine. He was fine. Everything would be fine.

He kept telling himself that, anyway. Emotionally, Louis was running a bit on empty. Sure, he had his band and Oli and Charlie and Jordan amongst others, but none of them were really the kind of people he could open up to. Lottie, Phoebe and Daisy would be joining him for a week of tour in July as well, which would be nice, but he was more the emotional rock for them and he felt bad laying too much at their feet. They had enough in their own lives to deal with as it was. Harry really was the only one Louis had that he felt like he could really lean on.

Or, Harry had been. Before Louis fucked everything up and realised he loved him. He still didn’t know how to break that news without scaring Harry off. There was the chance he wouldn’t, but Louis felt like it was more likely than not. He had never stayed friends with anyone he’d dated before.

Shit. Not that they were actually dating. They weren’t. Louis knew that intensely. It was part of why he was in the midst of his breakdown. God, Louis was tired. 

The show in Philadelphia went well and Louis felt better than he had in days because of it. There really was nothing like getting on stage in front of his fans and feeling like they understood him and loved him, all because of his music. It was incredible and exactly what he needed to keep himself moving during this tour.

As he skipped out to the bus, he called to Isaac and Matt, who were walking to bus 2. “Oi, aren’t you riding with me like you usually do?”

“Not tonight,” Matt replied. “Steve had some tweaks he wants us to make because we keep having issues with the intro to 7.”

Louis didn’t remember noticing any issues, but maybe it was something subtle enough he didn’t notice. Either way, that meant it would be quiet on his bus tonight. Maybe he could convince Joni to let them stop at a Maccies so he could get something to eat and enjoy having the bus mostly to himself.

Still feeling pretty hyped, Louis hopped up the stairs, humming  _ Kill My Mind. _ He flipped on the travel kettle in the kitchen area before turning towards the bunks, jumping out of his skin when he realised someone was already standing there.

“Fuck, I- Harry?”

“Surprise?” Harry said, waving his hands around a bit. 

“Shit, you scared me,” Louis said, laughing a little before walking up to him and hugging him tightly. 

He felt a bit awkward hugging Harry when he’d been a major cause of anxiety for Louis the past few weeks, but it wasn’t Harry’s fault. It was entirely Louis’. He was the one who couldn’t figure out how to confess to his best friend that he was in love with him.

“Sorry,” Harry apologised. 

Louis shivered a little as he felt Harry’s breath brush his neck, but couldn’t bring himself to pull away just yet. “What are you doing here?” he asked, heart racing that maybe Harry had figured out Louis' feelings and was here to let him down easily before slowly pulling himself away from him.

“I had to come and make sure you were taking care of yourself,” Harry said, pulling away enough to look Louis in the eye. “You’ve sounded so tired and distant, I wanted to make sure you weren’t pushing yourself too hard.”

Louis squished up his nose in an attempt to hide his embarrassment, but also had to drop Harry’s eye contact. He liked that Harry was willing to fly over and see him, but felt bad that he’d caused him to worry like that and give up some of the rare free time he had in the middle of his own tour to see Louis.

“That, and Jeff keeps reminding me they’re about to start seeding our supposed break up, and I wanted to make sure that we were on the same page.”

Louis had been feeling so good after the show, only feeling a bit worried about figuring out how to talk to Harry about his feelings. Now, though, he felt like ice was flowing through his veins. It was such a harsh reality that he’d been able to push from his mind for long enough the past couple of days that having Harry state it so nonchalantly was unfortunately enough to make him burst into tears.

Tears weren’t anything new for Louis, he’d always been a bit of a crier. Harry was also accustomed to him crying, but usually the cause was clear. Tonight, Louis could tell Harry was at a loss for what had caused the waterworks by the way he froze and immediately started apologising.

“Shit, I’m so sorry. Fuck, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Sick? Do I need to get someone?”

“No,” Louis said, gasping for breath as the tears started to flow harder due to Harry’s concern. “Don’t get anyone, I’m fine. God.”

Louis was so embarrassed. How was he supposed to explain any of this when he was now essentially sobbing into Harry’s chest due to the mere mention of the end of their PR relationship?

“Okay…” Harry said, slow enough that he basically trailed off, but pulled Louis into a hug. 

The driver must have got on and turned the bus on while Louis was starting his meltdown, because he didn’t realise the bus was vibrating under his feet until he and Harry lost their balance due to it starting to move.

“Come back here,” Harry said, guiding Louis towards the back of the bus. “Let’s sit down and I’ll get some tissues or loo roll or something and you can tell me what’s wrong.”

That was entirely the wrong thing for Harry to say. Guilt flooded Louis so much that Harry had just pushed him down onto the couch when the dam burst and Louis started confessing everything.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Louis said, gasping for breath even whilst feeling like an idiot. “I just keep forgetting that there’s an end date to all of this and I don’t want it to end. I’ve pretended it’s real for long enough that it’s hard to remember it isn’t.”

Harry was still standing in front of Louis, but his hands were now gripping Louis’ shoulders so tight that he was probably going to leave bruises.

“What?” Harry asked, voice tight.

Shit. Shit shit shit. Louis had gone and fucking ruined everything just like he knew he would. It was bound to happen eventually, really. How else had he imagined this was going to end? A pat on the back, Harry saying, “Thanks for loaning me your dick, but I don’t feel the same,” and then they’d both go on their way?

Covering his face, Louis tried his best to pull himself together. This was literally his worst case scenario and he’d never imagined this possibility. Of course Louis’ life had to go and one up his own imagination.

Taking a deep breath, Louis tried again. “I’ve kind of been pretending this is real for, well, a while now.” Louis was staring straight in front of him, taking in the ridiculous  _ Safe Sex _ t-shirt he was wearing of two guys jacking each other off. “I really like you, Harry. The thought of all of this ending has me scared because I don’t know what’s going to change with us and I’ve come to feel like I need you.”

“Louis, fuck,” Harry said, practically tripping over his own feet as he fell beside Louis on the couch. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“How was I supposed to say anything?” Louis asked, sounding a bit wild with the way his voice raised. “Honestly, was I supposed to just turn to you one night after having sex and say, ‘Oh, by the way, I’m in love with you?’”

“Yeah, that’s one way,” Harry said. He looked so earnest, and Louis couldn’t figure out why. This wasn’t exactly the reaction he’d been expecting, but at the same time, Harry could still turn around and reject him. Maybe this was his roundabout way of doing it. “Lou, I thought this didn’t mean anything. I thought we were just friends and that I was the only one who wanted anything more from it all. God, I’ve wanted  _ so much more _ ever since before even the beginning of all this.”

Louis blinked at Harry, trying to process all of this. “Wait, what are you saying?”

Harry looked down at his lap before reaching his hand out to take Louis’ in his own. The rings he always wore dug into Louis’ fingers with how hard he was gripping Louis’ hand, but Louis couldn’t bring himself to care. They fit together perfectly, and it felt like Harry was about to say something that could either destroy Louis completely or make everything he’d gone through these past few weeks worth it.

“I’ve loved you for years but never thought I had a chance, so I didn’t even let myself hope. But now...” 

Louis was glad he’d cried so much earlier because it meant he didn’t have anything left now. There were so many questions he had, so much he wanted to talk about still, but they had time for that later. Louis needed to be closer to Harry right now and experience his first kiss with him knowing it was  _ more. _

Harry must have felt the same, because Louis barely moved before their lips were touching, softly brushing against one another. 

It was amazing. Up until now, Louis thought they had shared a wide enough variety of kisses that there couldn’t be many left to explore. This kiss, though, blew him away. The very first kiss he’d ever shared with Harry had woken his body up in ways he’d never experienced before. The way Harry was holding him and working his lips against Louis’ now, it was like Louis felt him in the depths of his soul. 

Louis wanted so much to stay in the moment— take in every touch of Harry’s lips, every swipe of his tongue, every tender brush of his fingers against Louis’ skin— but he couldn’t help compare the experience to those they’d shared before. So many times their kisses had an end game. It was meant to be seen, for enjoyment, as a means to getting them in bed. The kisses themselves had been fervent, needy, and exploratory. Now, it felt like there was an assurance to them, confidence.

Harry pulled away, and Louis kept his eyes closed, basking in how settled he felt for the first time in months. It was like in a matter of minutes, Harry was able to take all of Louis’ fears and make them disappear. He was so glad that he just happened to have the bus to himself for the night when usually there would be at least two or three others with him so he could enjoy this time with Harry in privacy.

“Wait,” Louis said, finally opening his eyes and pulling back a little so he could focus on Harry easier. “You’re the reason why the band was acting so weird, aren’t you? They knew you were here and that’s why they’re on the other bus.”

Flashing a wide, fake grin, Harry shrugged. “Uh, yes. Guilty. That was me.”

Louis shook his head and leaned in for another kiss. “Sneaky bastard. Thought I was a sure thing, did you?”

Harry laughed. “I mean, I did hope a little, but wasn’t sure you’d be up for much of anything on a tour bus.”

Louis arched his brow. “I’m willing to try if you are.”

Harry’s smile melted into something much more genuine and tender. He reached up, brushed the hair laying across Louis’ forehead so it was out of his eyes, and kissed him there. 

Goosebumps covered Louis’ entire body as Harry slowly dragged his lips down to Louis’ ear before whispering, “I’m always willing with you.”

“You’re going to be the death of me, Styles,” Louis said, his words turning into a moan as Harry gently bit down on the juncture between Louis’ neck and shoulder. 

“Hopefully not just yet, I have so much I still want to do to you.”

“Promises, promises,” Louis teased.

Harry didn’t respond, he was too busy getting into position between Louis’ legs, and Louis wasn’t about to complain.

*~~***~~*

Louis was glad they’d had their wits about them enough to get at least somewhat decent before climbing into one of the tiny bunks on the tour bus, because apparently he’d forgotten to charge his phone and they were woken by a not very pleased Mark pulling the curtain open.

“Ah. Well now at least I can tell Jeff to stop worrying. Good morning, Harry.”

Louis rubbed at his eyes while Harry waved a hand at Mark and gave a sleepy grin. Turning to look at his manager, Louis asked, “What time is it?”

“Time for you to eat so you aren’t late for your radio interview and the follow up with the charity you worked with last time you were in town, as you requested.”

Louis nodded. “Thanks, I’ll be right out.”

Mark rolled his eyes, but Louis knew he was only pretending to be annoyed. Mark was never very good at hiding his secret fondness for Louis and a small grin was already breaking out on his face before he’d fully turned away.

Louis turned back to Harry who had pulled his phone out. “I guess I never took it off airplane mode. Oops.”

“Jeff is likely to kill you now,” Louis said, laughing. “What bad timing, too. Right when we finally figured our shit out and everything.”

“Have we figured our shit out?” Harry asked, arching his brows. “I mean, I’m assuming we’re actually together now, yeah? No more pretending?”

Louis smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss. He was sure his breath was rank, and he didn’t want to subject Harry to that this early in their relationship. “No more pretending.”

“Good. If that’s the case, we should probably break the news to everyone because Jeff was just talking about a rumour he was going to get started about us fighting.”

“Shit,” Louis said, scrubbing his face. “Yeah, that might be good. Now that we’re actually together, I definitely don’t want people thinking we’ve broken up.”

Harry smirked. “Yeah. That would be unfortunate.”

Louis grabbed Harry’s phone and checked the time. “Fuck, I’ve gotta get going. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Nodding, Harry leaned in for one last kiss before putting his phone to his ear.

Louis rolled out of the bunk and quickly made himself decent. He’d give Mark the news later. He wasn’t sure how he’d take the fact that all of their hard work in preparing for the breakup would be all for nothing, but Louis figured it wouldn’t be too much to ask for them to just shift some rumours to something else. Something more positive.

Taking a deep breath, Louis couldn’t help but smile to himself as he listened to Harry’s voice coming from the bunk. He could hardly believe how perfectly this year had turned out. 

Everything he’d been waiting so long for, worked so hard for, had finally come to pass and it was just as amazing as he always knew it would be. And now, Harry as well. It was definitely Louis’ time, and he was going to enjoy every fucking minute of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it. If you did, please leave me a kudos, a nice comment, and maybe even give my [fic post](https://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/615282424420630528/need-so-much-of-you-by-lululawrence-harry) a reblog with some nice tags to help spread the word. I appreciate any and all of these! Please also show love to the incredible [Gina](https://harrygotthebee.tumblr.com) for her amazing art! Thank you again for reading ◟̽◞̽


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